Is this bad?

To me Christmas or any holiday even my birthday (which I don't celebrate to begin with) is just another day. I don't drink or smoke and I know everyone's weird in their own way and it's not like I'm a loner that clings to his cell phone but I'm aware that I close myself off from people. This one guy was like I just wouldn't talk to you cause you seemed so at peace like I got out my car had my headphones on and everything. Whenever i hear laughter I assume the joke is me and I don't get offended cause I get it I am that guy. My friend roasted me earlier today cause I only really feel comfortable working with females I just think they're better people compared to us men. But I'm 18 now every night is super depressing but I don't feel like myself unless I'm alone and sad. I think some people are just meant to be alone. I mean my family hates me cause I'm mixed and I can't get a call back from my nephews when I just want to know how their lives are going. I get fake smiles and I'm not mad I'm just down but I'm meant to be like this an empty emotion