Second question about feeling suicidal?

My advice for you would be to seek help because no matter what the outcome is, it can not be worse than you taking your life. I also recommend getting actual treatment for your insomnia because drugs and alcohol are depressants and will only make your depression/suicidal thoughts worse. Defiantly don't try to take your life, maybe instead try talking more to a loved one, like your wife, or maybe a therapist, or church leader, as these people can offer you help.

1. exercise every day

2. sleep at least 7-8 hours a day.

3. google "inspiritional quotes" on the internet, read 2-3 a day

4. help other people, animals, old people. Get outside yourself.

5. limit social media and computer time to 1-2 hours a day.

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

741741 text line

The red flag I see here is that you're self-medicating with alcohol. Self-medicating depression with anything is not a good idea, but alcohol is incredibly bad.

There's something you need because it's good suicide prevention and because it's good for insomnia - an effective relaxation method.

The easiest of all is slow breathing. Here's an exercise that's easy to remember - square breathing. Breathe slowly - not deeply - through the nose, to counts of 4. In to 4, hold to 4, out to 4, hold to 4, etc.

Twenty minutes of that twice a day is even a treatment for depression.

Do it at bedtime to help you get to sleep.

Of course, you should get professional help. Treatment usually begins with a visit to the family doctor, who can give you a physical and hopefully a good referral.

This answer has a video with insomnia and a relaxation video. Info on insomnia from the famous Mayo Clinic.

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You did a great thing by reaching out, and this is a step in the right direction. It sounds like, while part of you wants to die, part of you also wants to live. It can be all too easy to isolate ourselves when we need other people the most. It definitely sounds like you could use extra support from your family and friends. Even opening up to one person is progress.

It’s understandable to be afraid of the outcome of seeking help. There may be unknowns on the road to recovery, but you will also have lots of choices and opportunities. Suicide only guarantees that those choices and opportunities will be taken away from you. As long as you are alive, there will always be other options that do not involve ending your life.

Talk to someone about the pain you’re experiencing. You deserve to have support from people who care about you. An additional way to get support could be to reach out to a crisis hotline. Trained counselors are there to listen and help you work through these thoughts and emotions. Again, thank you for reaching out. Best wishes to you in your journey.

AM, Counselor

What exactly is the cause of your desire to die? It's understood that it's a mental problem of sorts but that's not clear since you're appreciative of your life presently. Deducing your explanation, it sounds like you're suffering from extreme exhaustion due to the inability to rest properly, getting deep sleep. Your mind is too cluttered. If you allow yourself to search for agencies to resolve this problem, you may find this effort a curable disease. Don't consider the permanent alternative until you've exhausted all remedies, you have too much to lose, as your family without you.

Seek professional help. I have no idea what outcome you might be "scared" of, but it can't be worse than death, and it might be a lot better than the life you're living now. Take the chance to find out.