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Is this paragraph grammatically correct? If not, please correct me plz?
Dear Sirs,
I am a very motivated person who likes to work hard and is exceptional at working to tight deadlines.
I am a confident person who communicates effectively and works in a very organized fashion.
I am seeking a new challenging position and I am very interested in the freelance. I am available for an interview at short notice.
I have attached to my curriculum vitae and I am looking forward to speak with you about this opportunity, and my goal is a freelance.
Thank you for your consideration.
Kind regards,
Elio Haddad
3 Answers
- AlanLv 72 years agoFavorite Answer
As your letter is a FORMAL letter to a potential future employer you need to open and close your letter formally. Here I give you my version:
Dear Sir,
I am currently seeking a freelance opportunity and would be delighted to be considered for any vacancy you may have in this regard. I pride myself in my ability to work to tight deadlines and I am a very confident and highly motivated person who communicates effectively at all levels. I am efficient, well-organized and have a wealth of experience that may be of great value to your organization. I am seeking a position that will enable me to utilize my current knowledge and experience, and that offers new challenges along the way.
I would be extremely honored to be invited for an interview at a mutually convenient time and look forward to hearing from you should you find my CV of interest.
Yours faithfully
Elio Haddad.
- 2 years ago
Is there a way to soften the use of "I" without losing the strength of your message? For example, on the third point you make, could you perhaps substitute something like, "My career goal is to seek a position that challenges me, with a strong focus on freelance" (or words to this effect)? In my opinion, the placement of the line "I am available for an interview at short notice" is off, and there is that overuse of "I" as well.
At first glance, my impulse was to redo a few of the lines to eliminate the personal pronoun "I" but still say the same basic things.
For example: "My curriculum vitae is attached, and references can be furnished upon request" (or words to this effect). "Should you wish to conduct an in-person interview, I am available at short notice." You have repeated the "my goal is a freelance" and this repetition might not be needed if you make your preference known earlier in the paragraph. For immediate impact, you might even move the position(s) for which you are applying to the top of the paragraph: "I am [insert something about yourself if appropriate, such as "a recent graduate from..."] who is seeking a position in the field of [whatever the position is] and have a very strong interest in freelance. My background reveals that I am a confident person with above average organizational skills who is used to working hard, with a special talent for working to tight deadlines" (or words to this effect).
Try to picture the person or persons who will be reading this written job request, and figure out what they would be most interested in seeing first, then tailor your message accordingly.
Hope this helps.
- Anonymous2 years ago
Omit the first 2 lines. Everybody says they are motivated and a good communicator.
Omit the words "and my goal is a freelance" because you have already stated that in line 3.