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How do you talk about important issues with someone who makes it all about themselves?
I've been in a relationship for 3 years. I feel as if I can't talk to my SO about anything important. He takes things so personally. If I tell him something I can't deal with in the relationship, his response is always something along the lines of "Well, that just makes me feel like crap." He always responds that way instead of acknowledging the actual problem.
Sometimes when I cry he says, "Well, that makes me feel depressed," almost like he's trying to make me feel badly for feeling emotions. I understand that my emotions have an effect on him, but if the tables were turned, I'd be comforting him instead of making him feel guilty for nothing.
How would you handle a situation like this?
Any advice appreciated.
If you have questions to help answer my query, I'll answer them.
Most of the time, our problems revolve around his bipolar disorder (His mom, dad and brother have it), which he refuses to get any kind of help for. He gets illogically angry at the smallest situations (Like someone going in the wrong lane on a road that had construction). It's the type of rage where when I try to reason with him by saying logical things to him, he says mildly hurtful things to me. He's never physical about it, though.
As time goes on, it's becoming increasingly hard to get him to see my point of view when it comes to just about anything. The ONLY time we have a logical talk is when we've just had an argument and I'm finally done crying. I end up crying, because he can't just sit down and speak to me like an adult. He gets too worked up, and then starts yelling which makes me yell, because he tries to read between lines that are never there.
2 Answers
- RJLv 42 years ago
Honestly sounds like he's just a manipulative a$$hat that's taking you and your relationship for granted. I'm guessing you love him and really want to try to make it work with him but his behavior is emotionally abusive and not at all normal/healthy.
You can try couples counseling if he's up for it. If he doesn't want to do the counseling I would end it if I were you (do not present it to him as an ultimatum though)
Source(s): I was with a girl who did the same exact things your partner is doing. I didn't leave early on when I should have and it only got worse until our relationship ended poorly two years later - Anonymous2 years ago
What I think you may need to do is train your boyfriend to see things from your perspective. What you want to emphasize is that the things that you are saying to him are not a personal attack on him, rather just the way you are feeling. Perhaps he is feeling like you are criticizing him which isn't the case. Maybe once he hears this then he will be more receptive to your feelings. In saying that, he needs to realize that not everything is about him and that you have feelings too. What you can do to teach him this approach is to encourage him to listen to the things you are saying and embrace any opinions that you have as being constructive.
Source(s): What sort of problems have you been talking with him about? (see my comment for my reply to your update)
