Will we ever have a mother daughter relationship ?

I asked a previous question but there was not enough detail I’m 21 as of now . Growing up I lived with my father until he passed @ the age of nine I moved in with my grandparents , ( they tried making it permanent but weren’t able to ) so I ended up moving in with my mom around age of 15 or so .

I have NO good memories in general all my childhood memories are the traumatic ones for some reason especially the ones with my mother ! All I remember is her leaving after visiting me for a little bit once in a while , I don’t even remember the parts of her actually coming to visit I just remember the parts of watching her leave and crying ( especially when I was with my father which I loved very much! But he was always high on pain pills etc)

When I finally lived with my mother we had arguments almost every day, she never asked me how my day was , or asked me how I was feeling ,never ever supported anything I would do I have only hugged my mother maybe twice my entire life !

has ALWAYS favorited my youngest brother ( me and him have a very good relationship I do not resent him for her decisions ) he is 15.

He can NEVER do anything wrong (even when things genuinely are his doing ) nothing is ever wrong or his fault

She let him sleep in her bed whenever he wanted still does ! He can talk to her about anything She has a nickname for him

I just want to know will I always feel this way towards her ? Will it always be like this ? Am I always gonna resent her for my childhood?