If I stop speaking to my mother , will it really help anything ?

People do not change over a couple of months. It takes decades and she's already refused to work on herself.

It sounds as if you are hoping to threaten her into changing by cutting her out of your life. This never works.

If she threatens you in any serious way (physical harm), file a complaint with the police.

As for making you feel bad ... YOU are the only person who can make yourself feel bad. Your mother knows the buttons to push, sure .. but they are YOUR buttons connected to YOUR brain programs/pathways. And you can change those. Don't blame your mother for your reactions, because then you become a helpless victim who remains incapable of changing their own behavior patterns.

You identify your mother as abusive. That you are not, at this point in time, able to constructively handle the emotions she arouses in you.

Cut her out of your life.

Get some therapy to learn how to reclaim yourself.

Eventually, gain some compassion for your own frailties, and then for your mother as well. Understand that all mean behavior arises from inner pain that we do not know how to cope with. All mothers WANT to be a good and loving mother, but if they have too much inner pain and little skill for coping with it, they cannot be good mothers.

So generate compassion for your own pain. And then understand that she is like you ... she too has pain. So generate compassion for her too.

Easiest done from a long long distance. Don't try to re-establish communications with her until you no longer have any resentment for her inadequacies as a mother and as a human. None of us are perfect

it might if you need to

Give yourself some space from her.

Tell her that you need some time and not to contact you unless it is an emergency.

If she continues to harass you, tell her you will get a restraining order.

Just don't talk to her, don't make a show of it, don't tell her, just stop talking to her, visiting her, calling her, just stop. I am sorry it has come to this, but if it is what you need to do. Best of Luck.

If she's making you a miserable wreck everyday, that should tell you that you need to cut off contact for a while. People can only abuse you if you let them. When she starts to threaten you, tell her you're no longer going to allow her to talk to you like that and hang up. Block her if you have to and don't feel bad about it.

As she doesnt seem receptive to at least trying to repair the relationship, what you need is some down time, knowing there will be no contact.

As she is unlikely to freely give that, I think I would write her a letter, explaining that right now you need some time away from the friction, so you need time with no contact.

Dont put a time frame on this, or say you will be in contact, as that will bring its own issues on you, mentally.

You need to give her warning and a reason that this is happening, or she will continue to badger you, sending a letter means you have done that, without and face to face confrontation, and allows you time on your own to make sure it says all you want and need it to say.

Sometimes, a huge step back, can work wonders

Good luck

It might help *you*, and that's really the point. Whether she or anyone else accepts it, you have a responsibility to yourself first. I suggest you take a few large steps back away from her, see and talk to her less, and see how you feel. Or just stop where you are and shut it down however you need. Telling her will only open a door to arguments and discussions, but you know best how she'd react.

And really, if she threatens you, what's the worst she could do? You're an adult. You dont owe anyone an explanation.