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Can I marry my boyfriend without meeting his child?

I tried to get him to bring the kid but he says the mother won’t let him I really want to marry him and we been dating for quite a while. I don’t want to feel like an awful person and I don’t know what to do?

5 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    First off, "the kid", is a really cold way of referring to his child, if you want to project a warm image, then I suggest you learn how to use his actual first name, or if you are more comfortable "my partners child".

    Secondly, something about this isn't adding up here- If his father has custody (visitation or otherwise), then why hasn't HE introuced you to his son/daughter? I mean, in that time you guys have been dating, he has had his son/daughter over at his home. I think it's rather telling of how he views you, that he won't even introduce you to his child. One would think that if he had plans on marrying you, that he would have long ago introuced you to him/her, the fact he hasn't, it tells me he's really not that serious about you.

    Thirdly, lets assume he proposes to you, and lets assume you haven't met his son or daughter, yes, you can legally marry him. It just means that you won't have met him or her, and it will create a bigger uphill battle to bond with his son or daughter.

    What can you do? Have an honest convo about this with your partner, I think you really need to find out the real reason he won't let his child meet you, and no the blame is not on the ex, its on your partner.

  • 1 year ago

    You did not say how old the child is.  That is a huge question.  If the child is under 2, he wont remember you long term, so that it probably ok.  If the child is over 4, he/she might think that dad is abandoning them if he does not meet you.  Dad needs to have the talk with the child about introducing you.  Certainly he has "his time" with the child and he can do what ever he wants to do with his time.  That includes you.  Another question is whether the boyfriend married the baby mama, or was it just a casual thing?  Do you know about how he is supporting the child?  That will impact your finances moving forward.  Also, did he ask you to marry him?  Certainly, you should not have a child unless if your married, but you wont be marrying him if he is not ready to be married, or supporting his child.  He has to have proper morals and support his child.  You will also have to work with the baby mama in order to keep the child in a safe space and protected.  You three will be in this together.    

    Essentially, no I would not marry him without meeting the child, understanding the mama, and knowing your boyfriends place in the child's life.

  • Eva
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    They come as a package. If his ex doesn't know about you, it's time she did. It may be that your boyfriend isn't ready to make that kind of commitment yet, and doesn't want to introduce his child to anyone until he's sure.

  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Can you? Sure. Is it the right thing to do? Nope.

    You are coming across as desperate on this. Why are you so eager to rush into getting married to a guy with a baby mama who won't let you meet the kid? That's a huge red flag. It tells me that 1. They don't have a good relationship and 2. There's likely a lot of drama involved. Also, you haven't said whether or not your boyfriend wants marriage. Are you two even on the same page here?

    Act like an adult here and figure this out. Decide what's best for the child first, then the two of you. That kid will always come first. And if he doesn't want to marry you because of the kid and how the mother is you're out of luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    No, there are rules.

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