My new guy went down on me, should I have returned the favor?

I think it’s a convo to have. I would have had the convo before he went south though. If you don’t feel comfortable make it known up front. Some guys don’t mind. Trust me on that. Every guy I’ve dated since my teen years goes south. But I stop them before they get there so they know upfront I’m not reciprocating... not immediately anyway. Eventually I will but that’s like months and months down the line. Once it’s out there I haven’t found a single guy that hasn’t continued on his journey south anyway 😉

You are making this more of a headache than it needs to be.

Sex is not a game where you keep score.

Its also not something you should  do holding back.

 Meaning, if you're  doing it, you do it completely, you can't  have sex with "I don't  feel comfortable performing xyz sex act yet" at the back of your mind, because you are shortchanging yourself of pleasure, you won't  be able to orgasm because you're  holding back.

Rule #1, Do not blue ball a guy that went down on you. Doesn't mean you have to do down, but it does mean, don't keep him hanging with a hard rock.

Talk about it later.  If you don't want to do it, let him know now.  Don't pretend to like it when you really don't.  Not fair to either one of you.

Well, that really seems kind of strange to me. I do not engage in sex with my partner on a “tit for tat” basis. If I do something (“perform a sexual favor”) for my partner/lover it is because I know he will enjoy it and I want to give him that enjoyment. I am also aware that if he REALLY enjoys it (ie: has a good orgasm) that he will be down for the count.

For me, sex is a really fun, wonderful activity that I enjoy .. a LOT, but it is not an “exchange” of services. I do not do X in order to get Y. I don’t believe he owes me anything when I do something he really enjoys. I don’t believe I owe him anything when he does something that really gets me off.Good sex, in my opinion, is what happens with both people involved are more concerned with the other person having a good time than with their own pleasure.

Unfortunately you’re starting to walk off of a cliff. Please please be strong and save all of this stuff for marriage. If you do, you’ll never regret it. Sex is unbelievably powerful and the chemicals in the brain that are released during it can cause you to become bonded to someone who you don't want to be bonded to. Here’s some information about sex before marriage from the books True Love Lasts, Straight Talk About Teen Dating, and Straight Talk About Dating:

Having sex before marriage can be harmful to you and to your future. This harm could possibly include things like:

- not feeling good about yourself

- finding out that having sex causes people to become emotionally attached way too quickly

- sex becoming the main focus of your relationship

- finding out that having sex makes people ignore serious problems in the person they’re dating, serious problems that could destroy a marriage

- failing to realize that dating relationships which have sex as their main focus usually don’t last - until the relationship falls apart

- not learning to have real communication with each other, to be in touch with the your positive and negative feelings and the feelings of your significant other, to resolve conflicts in a calm constructive manner, to really get to know what your significant other is like in all situations because you’re spending too much time having sex

- not feeling good about choosing to have sex after your boyfriend or girlfriend says “I love you” and then later finding out he or she was lying to you just to get sex or he or she just has the feeling of being “in love” instead of true love (true love is supposed to be a lifelong commitment)

- feeling that you need to keep having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend or else they’ll break up with you - even though you don’t feel good about it

- finding out that having sex makes people stay in dating relationships much longer than they should

- making the bad choice to stay in a relationship that you know isn’t good for you because you’re having sex

- being broken hearted after your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you

- becoming an angry person after having your heart broken

- becoming depressed or possibly even suicidal after having your heart broken (please see a professional counselor immediately if you feel depressed or suicidal)

- feeling that you can’t trust anyone anymore after you’ve had your heart broken

- feeling horrible that you broke your boyfriend or girlfriend’s heart when you broke up with them

- getting into the habit of jumping from one sexual relationship to another looking for true love and sadly never finding it

- getting a sexually transmitted disease

- getting pregnant

- becoming a single mother (guys often don’t marry their pregnant girlfriends)

- having a child who doesn’t have a stable male role model in their life

- becoming more hesitant about making a lifelong marriage commitment to another person after having your heart broken

- ending up having problems relating sexually to your husband or wife in marriage because of the sex you had with them (and possibly with others) before marriage

- becoming divorced (statistics show that couples who have sex before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don’t have sex before marriage)

(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)

Hope this helps!

PS My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money).

My second suggestion is that you eventually look for this type of person (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of person is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.

PPS “If it’s a good choice to have sex before marriage, then why doesn’t hardly anyone who waited for marriage say they wish they hadn’t waited? - and why do so many people who didn’t wait eventually say they wish they would’ve waited?” A strong person will choose to put aside their sexual desires before marriage because they knows it's best for the long-term health of the relationship.

If he didn't feel shy about "going south" on you, then why would you feel shy about "going south" on him? Believe me - he wants you to, and it's not necessary that you ask him if you can. Just DO it!  He'll love it!

I think you should talk to him about it and explain what you’ve said here. Or you could just return the favour next time with no expectations 

No you don't have to return the favor.  A man's place is lying on his back somewhere while you're sitting on his face.  Don't forget it.  Why would you talk to him about giving him a blowie?  Men don't deserve those often.  I'm very serious.  Make him wait.

He will appreciate you more (fact)

You can offer to reciprocate the pleasure the next time.