Married now with kids and first time filing joint.  Too many conflicting answers.  Help please...?

The WHOLE idea of doing your tax returns is to reconcile and correctly pay your correct tax amount on the Adjusted income amount you received.  And yes the total exemption part is no longer in effect, people need to understand having amounts of taxes prepaid--that is taken out with each pay period--is to get you as close to not owing or not being owed a large amount.  If your taxes were out of line last year, then you need to pay more (or less) depending on your situation.  The new (Current form) is trying to assist you and the payroll people you work for in dividing up the over or under amount so you get closer to zero.  Now, I suggest you invest some time and brain power (everyone) to understand about your taxes.  It's okay to use TurboTax, but you will always pay taxes, so get familiar, stop being stupid--learn what you don't understand.  

The 2020 form 1040 doesn't have a box for exemptions and the W-4 never did.

The tax RETURN (forms 1040A, EZ and 1040) have places to list everyone you support by name, along with their social security numbers. You can't screw that up. The W4 form has been changed where you now do the same thing--list everyone in your family you are supporting. So now, you can't screw that up either. 

There's a difference between "exemptions" and "allowances."  Exemptions are things that deduct money from your gross income so you don't owe as much tax. Allowances (on the employer form) are listed to see how much tax will be taken out of your paycheck every payday. 

Deductions subtract money from your TAX, not your income. There are instructions with each of the forms you need to fill out--and you need to read them, OR you should use an online tax preparation software like TurboTax to do it automatically for you. You can also BUY a box of TurboTax software and install it--and have this at home to use to fill out your forms and print them, OR copy the info you enter onto paper forms.  It's not difficult. In addition, you can get almost any tax answer on the IRS website: www.irs.gov. You can also get the forms, download and print them there. 

If you are filling out a W4 form and it is asking you for "allowances" then throw that form in the trash - its outdated.

The IRS released a new W4 form in February 2020 which completely eliminated the idea of allowances and has you actually list your dependents, resulting in a far more accurate method of computing tax withholding. I've put a link to the current form in the source box below.

The current form has instructions on how to proceed for married couples where both spouses work, and has the website for the online W4 calculator for more accurate calculations.

The correct number is the one that withholds the right amount based on your actual tax situation; this might be different for everyone.  My general go to is to do zero for the highest paying job, and the number of kids for the lower paying job (in your case, 2).  See, each job withholds based on what you tell them.  They do not know you have another income, etc.  But your tax liability is based on TOTAL income.

where do you see a place to enter this?

When filing the return, it's two, one for each child, because there are now exemptions only for dependents, not for yourself and your spouse.  (What you may have means it how many allowances on your W-4, which is a completely different question.)

On a tax return - you simply list yourself, your spouse, and each of your dependents.  There is no place on a tax return that asks for "total exemptions".

The "total exemptions" question used to be part of the W-4 form that needs to be filed out for a new job or if you want to make changes to taxes withheld from your current job.

On the new W-4 form, this is no longer an option.  You would just need to answer the questions on the W-4 form to get the right outcome for taxes being withheld from your paycheck.

If you want more taxes withheld - you skip filling out the dependent section - or you only claim that you have one child instead of two when doing the calculation for that section.  This would cause more taxes to be withheld and increase your refund.  If you fill it out to claim both of your children, then you would have more money on each paycheck and a lower tax refund.  

When both parents work, both parents should not claim all the children.  Typically, either one parent claims  the children on the W-4 and the other claims none or they pick how many each with claim - each claiming one when they have two children.  

Again, this is just how taxes are withheld from the paychecks.  It isn't how you file when filling out the actual tax return. 

where do you see a place to enter this?

You are discussing your W4.

The W4 changed in January 2020 and no longer includes "exemptions".

Follow the instructions on the W4 and it will be accurate.