Right approach?

Child protection are involved. They were the ones that said I must protect my son and let him stay at my parents' home or the daycare before approaching my wife to have the conversation about not tolerating the abuse I.e. drawing a line in the sand and telling her that it is affecting our son and the well-being of the whole family.

They encouraged me to speak up and show strength of character for the family by trying to have a rational discussion and listening to what my wife has to say. But they also warned me she may become dysregulated and violent. To be prepared to call police if necessary to report any crime such as her hitting me or damaging our property.

Some users warned me that it might be seen differently in the court of law and to be prepared to lose custody of my son. But the child protection authorities have recognised that I have worked closely with them and yet my wife has refused to work with them after initially signing up. She has told me she will "fight me to the death"...but there is no fight??? Im trying to talk to her and resolve the issues bugging us both.

Those are my thoughts. Here is what I have observed from her. She can cook and look after my son but there are concerning areas: he will be allowed to stay awake too late (sometimes after midnight) and she has often left him alone in front of the TV and stayed in the bedroom to study or call clients. I walked in on a mess the other morning because she had let him get into the cupboard and put flour everywhere!

Child protection services called it emotional abandonment.

But she has also shown some capability in looking after him but repeatedly told me I can divorce her and take my son away...

I don't want him to grow up in a damaging household but also don't want him going and back and forward between two homes with co parenting.

I know that co parenting is a lot less damaging than growing up in a broken home but I do worry about my son's well-being having only visitation rights or shared custody.

I feel like I'm setting her off and need to get away from her. I understand that she also has to take some responsibility for how she responds to difficulties and disagreements without the need to shout over me, dominate and throw objects.

I posed her the question tonight about what it is teaching our son. That he will grow up thinking it is ok to shout and break things or to accept an abusive relationship of his own. But my wife didn't listen. Just kept shouting that I'm dumb, idiot, can sleep with other women, divorce, bad time manager etc. Calling me lazy and dirty. Not accepting my explanation that I had already folded clothes and cooked dinner and had to leave for night shift!

I explained that I feel setup up to fail and what sabotage means. Because tonight I rushed for a shower before work. I had just 10 mins to leave. She tried to get me to clean something in the shower and I tried to explain I couldn't which made her more angry. She then asked why I couldn't manage the time and get up earlier and also shower my son!

But I got to bed after midday and woke at 6pm as it was. Last night I worked 11pm to 9am. A 10 hr shift and still brought my son to daycare and went to the supermarket for dinner ingredients!