Soul83

I work with some colleagues I can't stand. They keep trying to stick their nose in my business and make off handed comments about how I'm doing the wrong thing and they're going to have to report me to the boss etc.

I had words with one colleague but we mended the rift. The boss did find out though.

I've found myself increasingly frustrated and short tempered with people. Some actions that are a bit out of character for me and just generally wanting to be away from everyone a lot lately.

I've lost enjoyment for life because all I do is work and study. I'm behind in assignments, my wife lives in a separate room to me, she can be verbally abusive, work is short staffed and I'm just hating life right now.

I went shopping yesterday and I couldn't stand all the people trying to go past me in the aisles whilst I was trying to find a gift for my son. I'm quite sure I had an angry face for most of the day. I'm just sick and tired of people right now. What's wrong with me??

I love my night job because I can work alone and driving to and from work is such a breeze because hardly anyone is around on the roads to annoy me as well.

I went to drive out from my apartment complex tonight and someone had interfered with the garage door. I couldn't find the emergency lever. So there I was panicking and calling work to let my colleagues know I would be late.

I was more than 15 minutes late. I was going to order a taxi but the wait for that would've meant being late anyway. I found an umbrella in the car and reached up to switch the door back on.

I typed an email to the boss but I think the excuse looks so bad and I don't even know what to do. I feel really embarrassed. It's not the first time I've been late. And I hate to be so late on such an important shift.

What should I do now? I think I'm going to be placed on a performance management pathway...

Is there anything in terms of psychotherapy that can help me? All of my life I have been struggling to be on time for things.

I'm hurt, angry and fed up again. I took care of our son all day and enjoyed it. Wish I had more time to spend with him.

But at the end of the evening around 6-8pm I tried repeatedly calling and messaging my wife to confirm what time she would be home because I'm night shift. She had kept the block on my phone number so I had to use the silent number feature on the phone to get around it and call her. She continued to ignore my calls and messages.

I was angry that I tried to find her but there was no sign of her at her company. Typical Saturday night I figured she must be out with her colleagues, clients or possibly up to no good. I'll never know for sure.

But I thought if she prioritises friends and a night out over her husband and 2 year old son, then she isn't really worth keeping in my life long term. There's a whole background of this behaviour and her running off on our newborn son, getting violent to me etc etc.

I took it out on myself and blamed myself last night. Called myself stupid and dumb for continuing to put up with her. I won't behave like her because I want to be there for my son and show I'm the responsible parent.

But there's a small issue with the morning after my first night shift. I cannot trust her at all to look after my son. She will run off and leave me with no sleep and no way to rest before my next night shift. My parents are away because my grandfather passed away a few days ago. So I feel compelled to hire an airbnb and stay there for rest.

I've upset my boss on a number of occasions with punctuality issues. I have promised to address the issues in my personal life and try to better manage my time (including external commitments on night shift rotations).

The boss wants to take things further and I completely understand why. Our most recent discussion was difficult. She again asked me to just leave home earlier before my night shift. I tried to reply ok, I understand, I will etc. But with every attempt to acknowledge her, she just kept saying "no, don't speak, don't tell me, just do it"...I really didn't know what else to say in the end as she kept asking me if I can come earlier and when I tried to respond, she just cut me off and said no.

What was I supposed to do? Tell her yes and then politely tell her the meeting is finished because I have to get back to work?

I have encountered this kind of behaviour in a previous job. It wasn't about punctuality in that job. But when the boss was frustrated, they kept cutting me off when I tried to nod my head or agree to change.

I left both scenarios confused as I had done my best to try and communicate that I agree with their frustrations and wished to address them once and for all. Could I have said anything different or was I correct to just cop it and move on to change what I'm doing wrong?

My son turns 3 in the next 2 weeks. I've had a difficult evening with him today. It started with my surprise toy for him that he promptly broke apart after I spent 20 mins putting it together.

Then he got upset and started trying to throw things at my face. That made me angry and I disciplined him.

He then started throwing toys around so I disciplined again.

At least he sat and ate dinner...I went for a walk with him around the apartment complex and to throw some trash out. When we came back, we went for a shower and he just wouldn't stop yelling at the top of his lungs no matter how much I chastised him. I ended up pretending the police were coming and knocked loudly on the bathroom door. He stopped then.

Back in the bedroom, he was jumping around on the bed away from me and trying to grab the pyjamas off me and trying to throw them.

I got him some milk and fruit in the kitchen to sit at the table and he proceeded to place toys and his entire hand in the drink despite me telling him no and taking it off him a couple of times.

I'm feeling really frustrated and fed up right now. My wife is taking care of him before bed time just to give me a break (she works afternoon shift a lot). It felt like my son wouldn't listen, was a bit out of control and I was disappointed that I wanted to do something nice with him with the toys and he just broke it all apart (I can rebuild it later as it's not broken. Just in pieces).

Even my wife is yelling at him and getting frustrated!

I'm struggling to balance working, studying, taking care of my son and maintaining my apartment.

I work a lot of night shifts.

It's made worse by being yelled at by my wife. She already sleeps in another bedroom. My room has been a mess for a couple of weeks because I've been too busy to make time to get the suspension files for the new filing cabinet and put away all the files.

Tonight she started swearing and yelling at me in front of our 3 year old son. He started crying. We were trying to eat dinner. I took him to the room to eat and she followed us into there and continued to tell at me about the state of my room.

Going as far as to throw things out into the living area. Luckily nothing got smashed. Swearing at me. Even saying she has no feeling when we have sex and I go down on her because of the type of lazy and messy man I am.

For the record, I drop our son off to daycare everyday and pick him up in the evening. Care for him, bath him, cook food for him and pay attention to his school reports. Clean the clothes and try to make time to do all the washing as well.

The home gets very messy sometimes. She makes no effort to clean it.

I was actually thinking she reminds me of a room mate. And that she has taken over my home. That when she gets angry, it's like a war zone and we have to wait in the bedroom of our own home whilst she rages.

Also, every time I have an assignment due, she starts raging and makes me clean the home instead...

Ok I've noticed a trend with sellers on Facebook when I state I'm interested in the item and where it is located they will respond quickly but if I ask them if they can hold the item for a day or 2 for me to collect it, they immediately ignore and don't reply.

I know people want to quickly sell the item. I even told this person I'd like to buy it in 3 days time if they still had it. They were happy with that. But as soon as I asked if they could hold it for me because I want to come and collect it on Thursday, they just stopped responding.

Later they end up selling the item. Im wondering why they all can't be polite enough to decline or answer that if it's available by Thursday I can get it.

What am I missing with online communication these days?? Is this the new trend to ghost someone mid conversation if you don't like what they are saying??

Quick question. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. She wants to take turns co sleeping with our son. I hate that idea and I'm hating that she barricades herself in one room with her own bathroom and leaves me to sleep in the other room.

Other couples were talking about their young children and how they raised them to sleep in their own room from a young age.

So I put the idea to my wife that we are living separate under the same roof and should be sharing the marital bed and letting our son sleep in the other room...

She flat out refused the idea and said she doesn't feel comfortable to sleep next to someone and likes having a big bed all to herself. I pressed her on resentment but she ignored me.

I'm stubborn. Can I just move back into there and lie on the bed until she pushes me off it?

I want our son to start sleeping in his own room.

Her solution was go suggest I should work hard and buy her a house so we can each have our own room. I told her that it's no quality of life to live apart like that because we are married.

She was ok to share a queen bed for 2 nights when we went away. Put our son in the middle though.

She wants to have another baby. So come to my room for the action and then later go back to her own room to sleep. I hate this setup so much. It really makes me feel like giving up on the marriage not fighting for it.

Ok so we live separately under the same roof. I'm wondering who I need to consult to get a thorough analysis of my financial position if I should proceed with divorce within the next 12 months.

Right now the only things that are keeping me present are the hope for change and the worry about my financial future.

I've had enough of living life on eggshells afraid of her angry outbursts and living under her anger.

There's very little intimacy etc as I've posted previously.

Child protection services have been involved with us because of her anger towards me and our son.

So I know it is hard but I need to know if a lawyer is the right person to consult to find out about our financial position taking into account all of our finances and real estate acquisitions during the marriage.

Thankyou!!

She has taken to living separately. Says the bed is too small for all of us. So she lives in the spare room with ensuite bathroom. I stay in our original bedroom with my son co sleeping.

We recently cleaned out the balcony and she decided to take it over as her own private study space too after I told her I wanted to set it up as a workspace.

She refuses to help with paying for the car she drives. We used to share the one car until recently. But she uses a tax loophole to claim the car expenses to herself.

Also, she announced recently that she had reserved a property in my name using her own money and cancelled it. 3k was to be refunded to my account. I wanted to use that money to service and register the car that she is driving now. She demanded the money back and said go work for the money to pay the car fees and that she lost all face to have a husband that cannot afford to run his wife's car...

Meanwhile I pay all of the costs and have no savings but she sits on 60k in her bank account.

My father says I'll lose my son and lose everything if I get divorced from her. Especially at my age of 37 I'll never get ahead in my life ever again. I don't agree. How much more bs do I have to put up with? Continue to live separately?

Tonight I asked her for a towel as I forgot one and she refused and said she needs to teach me a lesson not to forget one. But for years she asked me to fetch her towels...I have just been completely taken advantage of...

My 2 year old son and I sleep in a different bedroom to her because she likes to sleep at 3 or 4am and get up at midday.

I'm trying to change my sleep schedule to get my son to daycare earlier and be more productive!

In the past our son would be sleeping at midnight with her and father in law. Father in law left for China and she moved into the spare room. Used to be a case of sleeping in the early hours of the morning and waking at 10am to drop him to daycare at 11am. Effectively leaving me with only 5 hours toddler free time to get things done.

My parents and I have been so upset with this arrangement. It is unfair for my son. So I vowed to start the week with getting up at 7am. But my lovely wife had to get up and wake us up at 2am after only 1.5 hours sleep. I can't sleep now. I got annoyed at her and she started getting aggressive trying to pull off my blanket and keeping us awake. Hopeless. Short of putting a deadlock latch on the bedroom door, what else can I do to stop her?

I don't think I can sustain days and days of only 4 hours sleep. I can't finish cleaning up the home or preparing other tasks. My life is a mess of disorganisation because there's not enough free hours to get things done! That can change if she leaves us alone and I start my day nice and early. Then I'll have more time in the evenings when my son sleeps earlier!! I don't understand why she doesn't get that.

My wife decided to "move" into the second bedroom of our apartment. Her own bathroom and bed (bed is larger and used to host her parents from China).

She refers to it as her own bedroom. I have expressed my desire to not live separately like that. Our 2 year old son then alternates between sleeping with me and sleeping with her.

She argues that our usual bed is too small and the room feels too crowded with our son's bed next to our bed.

She has moved all her make-up into the other bathroom and some of her clothes too.

She has told me that we aren't separated and that she still wants to have another child with me.

I'm not sure. We have to go to counselling due to her past behaviour of abuse towards me. I plan to discuss a number of things.

I tried leaving with our son but she followed me to my parents' home and wanted to talk. I ended up coming back to the home.

I feel as though I could go away again if counselling doesn't help me feel any better or if my needs keep getting ignored...

I have been cooperating with my caseworker but my wife hasn't wanted to engage. Over the last 4 days I endured some very terrible verbal and emotional abuse and objects were broken in the home. Some of it was in front of our son. I've caught my wife yelling at my 2.5 year old son to get out as well. Really terrible stuff.

They told me the case is extremely serious and that they support me to leave because if I didn't leave over the weekend, they would be escalating to see if my parents could take over custody of my son.

I have packed my bags and taken everything in the car to work overnight in my night shift and I'm planning to quietly take my son to my parents' home tomorrow morning.

My greatest fear is that she will see the car and go absolutely crazy. I mean smashing the car again crazy. And screaming and standing in front of the car to stop me leaving. Then the police will need to be called and she will be charged or taken away for assessment. I don't want my son traumatised by that.

So pray for me that she stays asleep and I can quietly take him out to the car and into safety.

I'm planning to notify my wife when I get to my parents' home and tell her about the reports and the seriousness of everything. That I'm also willing to work with her if she wants to work with the child protection service for counselling etc.

It has been an issue going for 2 years now since she had an altercation with her mum and smashed up our home. She was also punching me.

I received some very informative replies to my last question.

I have no intentions to "confront my wife" but rather attempt to have a rational conversation with her. Just to hope I can sit down and talk out our differences without her resorting to shouting over me, belittling me, talking about divorce, smashing things in her escalating anger.

So I had planned to take my valuables and important papers out of harm's way and out of the house. Leave my son with his grandparents or at least in the daycare whilst we have the conversation in case she becomes violent. That way he is protected and away from the home in case it gets ugly.

Plus it allows uninterrupted time to try and rationally discuss and listen. She won't go to counselling. So I'm left to try and have an adult conversation with her to try and stop this rift from growing worse.

I would love it if we could share the same bed again and try to get back some of the spark that was lost so long ago. Try to get something normal.

I do recognise I have been in an abusive relationship. There have been a lot of very nasty things said to me. Including her telling me to die yesterday and the day before throwing cereal in the morning and then in the evening taking it from the floor and throwing it all over me and the bed (I'm nightshift and just woke up).

Some pretty terrible stuff has happened and our son has witnessed it. I want to protect him.

I'm at a crisis point in my marriage. My wife is escalating the abuse over the past 3 days. My family and the child protection agency think she is having a psychological breakdown.

I think she is deliberately sabotaging our marriage but one key sign indicates its probably mental health related: after copping the worst serve of the most cruel verbal abuse including wishing I was dead, she later acted as though everything is ok and even offered me some food to take to work as a meal.

She has moved into the spare bedroom and refers to our rooms as separate. She is trying to separate under the same roof. I'm not standing for that nonsense.

She put our son at risk the day before yesterday and had him hysterical when I tried to drop him off to daycare.

I have a safety plan to drop my son off to my parents' home on the weekend and then come back alone to have a serious discussion. I will record the conversation and have the emergency numbers on hand should she lose control and become violent with me or our property.

I'm hoping for a 180. I'm hurting so much. I think I'm trauma bonded to her and clinging to the idea of having a family. But my fatherly instinct is to immediately protect my son. And by extension, protect my own well-being from now on too.

I hate confrontation so being strong to sort this out for the family fills me with anxiety. I'm also nervous how she will react.

Simple question. My wife has a history of abuse towards me and I've been contemplating leaving.

If I get sole custody of our 2 year old son given the history of her ignoring him and being mean to him, what supports can I get in helping to look after him?

My intention was to go and live with my parents. I'm a shift worker and will commute to my job 1.5 hrs away. My father is also a shift worker. My mum stays home but she has a lot of health problems. So what help can we get to watch my son when he is at home? He will go to daycare full time as he has always done Monday to Friday.

Thanks for any helpful links you can provide. We live in Australia.

If you witnessed an accident and have the training in medicine/nursing and first aid, would you stop on your way to work and risk being late to save the person's life?

Can an employer penalise lateness on the grounds of saving another person's life or assisting at the scene of an accident?

Can they at least dock your wages and give you official warnings?

I was threatened today by my wife. Because I couldn't answer the phone at work. I have been getting outside help for her anger management issues for the sake of our 2 year old son.

I reported her nasty texts by taking screenshots and sending them to our case worker. We made a safety plan for me to travel to my parents' home after work tonight. That way my son will be safe with my father in law and won't be witnessing any screaming from her or swearing as she threatened to have a huge fight tonight in the home.

The case worker is weighing up the options of whether or not to report this to the authorities. They won't take my son off me as I have demonstrated my son's well being is being put first. Although it will be argued that he is not going to see me and will be wondering where I am tomorrow morning. I will miss him so much too.

I will speak first with my case worker to decide if I should go back there before work or not. I could at least see the unit and pick up a clean shirt before work.

Either way, the psychological abuse has now been revealed and she must get help or our marriage is going to end.

Has anyone else been a victim of domestic violence and forced to stay away from home??

As a background context, my wife got her father to come out from China to help care for my son. I have a long list of grievances about how he helps us when we are both working. Not to mention the filthy pig sty and extremely unhygienic habits of them both.

My wife would be verbally and physically abusive towards me. We have child protection services involved. I contemplated leaving with my son and not looking back.

I see a counsellor. It has been so helpful!

I have been night shift all week. Our son got sick and was admitted to hospital on Thursday night. My wife slept with our son on the ward. I took over on the Friday morning. Took a 1hr nap beside my son. Let my wife sleep at home all day. O eventually got out and went to bed at 6pm for just 3 hrs sleep and struggled through my last night shift. Sat morning I napped for an hr in the car then went home to find my son not ready for his appointment.

My wife and her father just stay up until the early hours and then sleep until midday. Drop my son late to daycare or expect me to get up early and do everything.

The final straw was finding out they never bothered to feed him antibiotics the night before. Neglected his medicine. I was walking around the apartment calling them deadbeats under my breath. Cockroaches in the cupboards and my son's dirty clothing thrown into his new clothing. I threw the dirty ones out on the balcony in disgust and left for my son's appointment.

Occasionally we get called to the office to explain our work performance. It goes around the office. Its usually about how many calls we are taking relative to our colleagues on the same shift.

I work on a switchboard so our performance is monitored by the number of calls we answer. Sounds straightforward but it depends on the caller and what they are after and how many emergency calls interrupt the answering of the calls.

It is my turn to get called in again to have a discussion about where there were some call gaps last week. I always approach these discussions from a positive point of view and agree to improve my performance.

But I dread going into these meetings because I expect the boss to just be negative and say she has heard it all before and that she doesn't believe me when I say I want to improve.

I'm trying to show her that I'm willing to engage with her and I appreciate the feedback in a constructive way. Want to also reassure her that I'm committed to keep improving.

So what's the best way to deal with the interaction if it just turns into a negative "heard that all before" situation? I mean I would love to hear the boss say something positive like ok I believe you are committed and I look forward to seeing your change. But instead we all get met with cynicism.