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Dealing with grief?
As a background context, my wife got her father to come out from China to help care for my son. I have a long list of grievances about how he helps us when we are both working. Not to mention the filthy pig sty and extremely unhygienic habits of them both.
My wife would be verbally and physically abusive towards me. We have child protection services involved. I contemplated leaving with my son and not looking back.
I see a counsellor. It has been so helpful!
I have been night shift all week. Our son got sick and was admitted to hospital on Thursday night. My wife slept with our son on the ward. I took over on the Friday morning. Took a 1hr nap beside my son. Let my wife sleep at home all day. O eventually got out and went to bed at 6pm for just 3 hrs sleep and struggled through my last night shift. Sat morning I napped for an hr in the car then went home to find my son not ready for his appointment.
My wife and her father just stay up until the early hours and then sleep until midday. Drop my son late to daycare or expect me to get up early and do everything.
The final straw was finding out they never bothered to feed him antibiotics the night before. Neglected his medicine. I was walking around the apartment calling them deadbeats under my breath. Cockroaches in the cupboards and my son's dirty clothing thrown into his new clothing. I threw the dirty ones out on the balcony in disgust and left for my son's appointment.
By the time I got back at 2pm they were out and not answering my phone. I was so angry as if come off night shift and neither cared.
I proceeded to clean out the cupboard, wash dishes, hang out washing etc. Then decided to get away to my parents home for a rest.
Not once did they make an effort to contact us to see if our son was ok and if I was also ok.
I realised at that point that my wife just doesn't care about my son and I. Only cares about her work.
I woke up upset because I had a dream in which I overheard my wife telling another man that she was separated...and we aren't yet despite me considering it.
I'm concerned that I'm more emotionally affected by this. When I'm at home I dream of a better life. When I'm apart from her I feel sad after a while. We sleep in separate beds. Our marriage is emotionally a drought. I think I'm co dependent or so used to accepting things as they are.
Is it normal to experience a feeling of grief or sadness even when considering leaving a toxic relationship? As a guy is that normal or should I just man up and push it away to get on with caring for my son?
I already left for the weekend to give my son a better life and the difference is so huge. Last night he got a proper meal and after some games with my father, he ate all his veggies. My parents home is so clean and so comfortable.
I'm contemplating getting the rest of clothes and moving out. live with my parents. Just commute for work.
But I don't want to pull my son out of daycare abruptly. So I'm thinking about how to commute to send him until a spot is free near my parents' home.
Debate details...my son was discharged lunch time Friday. I was angry at them both for not giving the medicine before my son slept.
3 Answers
- Anonymous5 months agoFavorite Answer
I suggest you read this whole question and pretend it was written by a friend of yours asking what to do. What would your answer be?
You didn't give one single reason why it makes sense to stay in this mess. And then, after describing a life from hell, you say you're considering a separation? Why? Does she has some sort of weird hold on you? What's the point of a separation?
You need to figure out quickly why you haven't gotten legal advice and started divorce proceedings. That dream you had is irrelevant. What matters is why you're delaying and what's best for your son.
- Anonymous5 months ago
If your son was admitted to a hospital on Thursday and was still there Friday night, as you indicated, why would anyone need to take him to his doctor's appointment on Saturday morning if he was still in the hospital?
- n2mamaLv 75 months ago
So have you finally reached the final straw breaking point where you will actually do what is right for your son and leave her? Seriously, you have posted so many questions about your drama but you won’t do anything to actually change the circumstances. Good for you for finally seeing a counselor, and that you feel it’s helpful, but what are you doing to actually change your situation? Child services has already been involved, the ongoing neglect of your son could be enough to get him removed from your home. Is that what you want?