Crisis point in marriage?

Where to start from a LEGAL standpoint? If your wife is experiencing a mental health breakdown you CANNOT “talk her out of it.” Unless you are from a family of professional mental health workers what THEY think is immaterial. If Child Protective Services believes there is an issue they are REQUIRED to remove the child. So it’s your statement that CPS thinks your wife is having a breakdown, but, “Oh well” when it comes to the child?

 “I’m not standing for that nonsense” is pure foolishness. You CANNOT force your wife to share a bedroom OR A BED with you - unless, of course, you are looking forward to being charged with abuse.

You plan to leave with your son, drop him off at your parents’ home and return without him to have a “serious discussion” with a mentally disturbed woman? She can and possibly will call the Police. You are going to hide HER son away and then have a “serious discussion?” If that doesn’t push her over the edge, what will? Confrontation with a person who isn’t mentally stable is the very LAST thing anyone will advise you to do - and that includes attorneys.

I don’t know where you are. You’ve checked the one-party, two-party recording LAWS, right?

You can call an ambulance. You can call the Police. You can call the National Guard. That does NOT mean they will agree with you, AND if you think you have problems now, wait until an ambulance is called and either takes her to a hospital which disagrees with your “diagnosis” or doesn’t take her at all, and watch as you lose custody of your child.

And here’s what an attorney is going to look at. “There is a long standing history of domestic violence, verbal abuse and breaking things when angry. ... three days of abuse ... culminated in ... [your son] clinging to [his mother].” And what did you do to protect or shield him? Apparently nothing.

I can’t decide if she’s the problem, you’re the problem, both of you are the problem. I don’t really need to decide. A court is going to do that, AND you are in for a very rude awakening.

If she refuses help, go and get a divorce and 100% sole custody of your son. Keep everything as evidence that she is unfit to have your son.

So often, victims of abuse (you, in this instance), remain in abusive situations long after they should have left, for a variety of reasons. Your primary responsibility is to protect your child,from emotional trauma, as well as any other kind of dysfunction and/or abuse. Do that. Next, how about taking care of yourself?  There is a child protection agency involved already? Good. If she's having a breakdown, she needs intervention from professionals, and it would be your role to try and get her to the help she needs. But this would only be secondary to saving your son and then yourself.   

You can contact the national domestic violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233, 24/7, for guidance and support.

Or, given that there are professionals already involved, they can also guide and support you, as well as providing local referrals.

Again, take care of your son ! Then yourself!  You both deserve better than this. Good luck and good wishes, 

You say "psychological breakdown", "mental health related" and yet seem to think you can snap her out of it with a conversation. Either you think she's sick and needs a medical intervention or you believe she's just doing all this to be cruel. 'Cause you can't have both. If she's mentally ill she obviously has needs help beyond what you can provide (even if you're a psychiatrist because you can't treat your own spouse). If she's not sick and has just for whatever reason decided to start being abusive then that's a call for marriage counseling. You seem worried but also angry. Figure out which it is and what you actually think is going on and then act accordingly. No judge is going to strip her of parental rights just because you recorded her shouting at you. So if she is experiencing a mental crisis and you just leave her you'll be sharing child custody with an unstable person and your child won't be safe. You hate confrontation. Confrontation isn't going to allow her to do a "180". Involve some professionals so she can get the treatment she needs. 

Your approach makes sense to me. It's best to get your son out of the way for this conversation. I'm not sure what recording it will do for you but it's a conversation that need be had.