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Soul83
Soul83 asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Where can I get help to balance my life?

I'm struggling to balance working, studying, taking care of my son and maintaining my apartment.

I work a lot of night shifts.

It's made worse by being yelled at by my wife. She already sleeps in another bedroom. My room has been a mess for a couple of weeks because I've been too busy to make time to get the suspension files for the new filing cabinet and put away all the files.

Tonight she started swearing and yelling at me in front of our 3 year old son. He started crying. We were trying to eat dinner. I took him to the room to eat and she followed us into there and continued to tell at me about the state of my room.

Going as far as to throw things out into the living area. Luckily nothing got smashed. Swearing at me. Even saying she has no feeling when we have sex and I go down on her because of the type of lazy and messy man I am.

For the record, I drop our son off to daycare everyday and pick him up in the evening. Care for him, bath him, cook food for him and pay attention to his school reports. Clean the clothes and try to make time to do all the washing as well.

The home gets very messy sometimes. She makes no effort to clean it.

I was actually thinking she reminds me of a room mate. And that she has taken over my home. That when she gets angry, it's like a war zone and we have to wait in the bedroom of our own home whilst she rages.

Also, every time I have an assignment due, she starts raging and makes me clean the home instead...

Update:

The university doesn't care about my domestic situation. They think it's a joke and that I had better not delay my studies any further.

I've decided that it's best to stay in my office to get my assignments finished in future. And to spend my weekends when I'm not working by staying outside with my son. Staying right away from her and the home.

Update 2:

For those that don't know, she sleeps most of the morning or day and gets up to go and stay in her office (she works for real estate) and comes home late at night. Like around 10:30pm. Then just stays in her room and relaxes. No real help.

Update 3:

I thought about how much peaceful the home would be without her but I rely on her to be there when I'm night shift to sleep in the same home as our son. Otherwise she is just a roommate with a bad attitude that I can't kick out.

Update 4:

She is Chinese and I'm Australian. Drama has gone on for years. Separate bedrooms became a thing 2 months ago. Don't mind having the extra space.

Reminds me of my HK colleague who lived for a while with a crazy Asian woman who made his life hell. He is slowly improving since he moved out and got his own place. Still lives in a share home but with more people and his own space.

Update 5:

Obviously that's not what I want. I have a son to care for. But divorce is a headache because we own a lot of debt with the properties she purchased in her real estate job.

Update 6:

So many of you say to do something but then not to leave the family home. If she won't leave either, then what do I do? The police couldn't care less if she is yelling at me in front of our son. I wasn't hit and nothing was broken. Child protection will just remove my son or suggest I leave with him (which again puts me in the bind because I leave the marital home which so many of you said not to do).

Update 7:

By the way, when I was cleaning the room I looked up at see a smirk on her face. She was amused at how she treated me. I think she knows I'm stuck. She won't leave if I tell her to. And she knows I can't leave or risk the family home...

6 Answers

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    i would dump her and take your son with you

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I did NOT expose my child to a loud, disruptive father.  I packed my son's belongings and my belongings, filed for divorce and moved out until my petition could be heard by the Court. My husband then moved out and my son and I moved back in.  Why would you expose your son to your joint bad behavior?

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Better talk her into some marriage counseling unless you want to end up as a part time dad. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I was living with my sister and her trash ex before...or he was living with us.  He was similar towards me till i broke his arm.  Being rude to me in my own house.  He deserved it.  I used to go to work after university Tues-Thursday 4-11 at night and then bartend on Fridays and Saturdays, 10-2.  Go home and study or the library.  I didn’t have a kid back then though

  • myfavouritelucy
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    OK.  You have been in the same mess for MONTHS.  Just posting the same scenario over and over and over is pointless. You seem to be hoping for an answer which involves you doing nothing at all. You want things to change, but you do nothing to make things change. SO, if you carry on like this, you will still be asking the same thing in a years time. Is this what you want? Things will only change IF YOU DO SOMETHING. You say child protective services are involved, so go to them and ask for them to help you to DO SOMETHING.  This is the point where you then list a pile of excuses.... so if thats the case, and you are determined to use these excuses, then give up... accept the mess you are in. Is that what you want????

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Divorce the b i t c h. Don't abandon the marital home as that gives her the high ground. Consult a divorce lawyer asap.

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