fiteprogram

Ok, I'm not young, 39 and while I've had flings and am totally ok with the sexual preferences that people have of hooking up right away, I'm dating someone who I want to continue to get to know on a more serious level without having sex with him right away.

Things are going fantastic, BUT...I'm not sure how to proceed. Yes, I am a daughter of an absentee father, blah blah blah...the men in my family are pretty good, but not what I would consider datable by my standards, etc. lol I have really really great male friends who are husbands of my close friends as well as similar platonic relationships with good guys. I've already talked to them a bit and as awkward as it seems for them to be giving me dating advice, they really have stepped up to the plate. So everything is solid at this point. lol

Now, this guy is planning on cooking dinner for me and me being impulsive and kinda naive on some things, my initial response was, "Ohhhh, that would be cool!" Ummmm...now I'm thinking...not so much. I like him...alot. Which I think is fine. We've been out on a few traditional dinner dates that have been VERY fun and the third date was for his birthday. The first date, he completely paid for. I was appreciative and he was initiating all of the conversations after-wards. Great. Then there was a lull after the almost two week mark and so I initiated contact a teensy bit, which he was very responsive to and ask him out on the second date. He agreed right away and the second date happened on that same day that I asked. Awesome! Second date I made it very clear that I was not expecting him to foot the bill for every outing, so he suggested that I pay for the tip. GREAT. During the second date, I mentioned "maybe" doing something for his bday that upcoming week and he said he would see...because of family obligations, which I completely understood. Long story short, I wished him a happy birthday not too early in the AM and by mid-morning he asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks. Fine. We split the bill for the third date, but I made it clear to the waiter that I was also paying for his two beers...my treat for his birthday. Nothing big. I got the birthday date as a third date and at the end of the date night, I initiated the first kiss by asking if I could have a kiss and it was AMAZING!

Here is where the dynamics get a little bit muddled. I think I may have caused it by moving a little too quickly. So far, he's twice mentioned cooking for me at his place. When we kissed, he didn't grope, but was VERY into it and things were extremely hot and steamy. Knees weakening steamy. He's consistently made it a point to text me after every date and after that third one he added that I'm a good kisser. I know guys well enough to know that kissing him has added to any already sexual thoughts that have been going through his head. So far, the contact...ummm...since the third date, it's been pretty equal of either of us initiating. However, I'm going to back off just a little bit to give him the option of taking the lead as I feel a man should. I'm also backing off just a little, because I think that he might be thinking that I'm ready to have sex with him.

While I do desire him sexually...I mean...real bad, I don't want to have sex with him just yet. I don't know how to tell him that without being the one to bring up sex first and if the convo doesn't get to the fact that I don't want to have sex with him yet, he's going to be thinking that I'm ready, because I'm the one who brought up sex.

Would it be wrong to just let things continue as they are and if I do end up going over to his place and we end up kissing and he starts to grope or some other indicator that he's ready to do the deed...stop him and have the convo right then and there? I would think that's kinda being a tease. The next time we are scheduled to see each other is at a get together of mine next weekend. I'm fine with not seeing him every week or talking/texting with him every single day, because while I like him ALOT my main goal is to get to KNOW him, not make him my personal property or make him feel like he's obligated to be in touch with me 24/7. I feel like we have time to build up to that if we end up in a relationship. I hope that makes sense to some mature mind out there. lol

I have a few more characters left, so let me just add here that I'm not inexperienced when it comes to sex, hooking up, and spending time with a guy. In this situation, I feel like the guy who has been a bachelor that people envy/admire and eventually he meets a great woman and decides that he wants things to be different with her. That's me with this guy. Lol ha ha ha ha

I met an Aries guy and as a single woman was looking for some "fun" so I thought this would PERFECT! I'm a Pisces female and though I'm sensitive to other's plights in true Pisces fashion, I'm not sensitive about what people say to or around me. I'm an Aries rising, so I have a tendency to play ALOT and sarcasm is my specialty. I'm independent, am my own hero, competitive, am stable myself and am a single mother to three kids who are well taken care of and well mannered. Anywho...onto this Aries man, this is the second time we've had sex since we met and now during, he's asking me if he can get me preggo. He is 42, has his stuff together in life...stable long term job, owns his own home, pretty funny guy, calm, educated, no kids, never married, etc. From what I understand the closest he's ever come to the alter is thinking about asking this one woman to marry him. He said he intuitively changed his mind and found out a year later she was engaged to someone else. He felt that he made the right decision, because he felt like she immediately went on a quest to sucker someone else into marrying her since he decided not to. From what he said, she had insane jealousy issues as a means of trying to control him.

The thing that is confusing is this. We rarely keep in touch, like a few texts here and there during the week, but I always thought it was because of my independent nature and that I wasn't "weak" enough to suit his fancy which is fine by me. WTH???? I've only kept in touch just barely enough to constitute having a sexual thing without being rude, which is what I wanted in the first place. This guy is HOT to trot in bed....my instinct were spot on with that one! He is also single and unattached, but since he's mentioned this preggo thing, I'm like a deer in the headlights.

It's not that I don't like him at all...of course. I'm just not the type of person who changes the direction of a relationshp or lack of in midstream. I'm not a go with the flow type of person and do not appreciate any change of status of anything without communication first. This is my dillema. I don't want to give up the passionate sex if I don't have to, but I'm not going to just go along with whatever he wants to do. I initiated communication head on about it and his response was,"We'll figure it out later." Oh no...not going to work for me. He's going on a 3 day vacation, so I'm not going to bother him about this while he's away. Besides, I want to have my strategy in place when he returns. lol

Ok, so me and this guy just became exclusive after dating for about a month and being intimate on the second date. Everything seems to be going well, but I think he has trust issues and his responses to me and is causing me to have trust issues which I don't normally have. I've never been the paranoid girlfriend that questions her guy's loyalties, because what is meant to be is meant to be and what is not...is not. It's just that I feel like this relationship has GREAT potential and don't want it to fail.

About a week ago, my guy tells me that if I ever sleep with someone else, never tell him about it. I ask him why he would say something like that and he said that he is aware that people being grown will do whatever they want to. I let him know that him making that statement made me feel like he is saying that it is ok to sleep with someone else if you are in an exclusive relationship. He understood where I was coming from and decided to retract his statement. Less than a week later, I find evidence that he "may" be looking for other women online. I ask him about it and we have a convo. He says he's just looking at porn, because he was bored from not working. I understood this since I'm at work all day and love to be occupied. Hell...I'd go stir crazy in his situation. He then brings up the convo we had on the weekend about the "sleeping around" comment and says that he purposely retracted his statement, because he doesn't want me to think that he wants someone other than me. He says that he's already deeply invested in this new relationship and I believe him. He apologized profusely and even offerred to give me a couple of days to let him know how he can make me comfortable with the relationship again. In the course of our discussion he made a comment about the fact that everyone has cheated. I let him know that, yes, I have cheated in new relationships when I was much younger. He jokes that he knew it and that's why he made the statement over the weekend. So I say to him, if you say that everyone has cheated, then that means you have too, right? He says that he never cheated, but that in his past he has LEAD women to believe they were in a relationship and didn't agree to be in one with them and just slept around. However, he says that in the exclusive relationships that he's had that he's never cheated.

He is visiting with his son this weekend and I haven't seen him since yesterday morning. He called last night to let me know that he would be visiting his son at a friend's house, due to baby mamma drama (she tried to call the cops on him last weekend when he brought the baby here, because she doesn't know where I live. He won't tell her where I live, because she is a crazy drunk.), but described it as..."I wanted to kick it with you tonight." He has NEVER described our time together as kicking it as we have been together almost every night for 3 weeks straight.

Earlier this afternoon I call his friend's phone to talk to him (my guy lost his cell phone a couple of week's ago. lol) and his friend said that he wasn't there. I didn't worry about it, because like I said...I'm usually not the insecure type when it comes to cheating. Now, this evening, his friend calls my house looking for him. ?????

I don't know why I am having these feelings of mistrust since the only person who I know has cheated on me is my kids' father and we have been apart for over 10 years. I have thought to myself that this guy reminds me of the kids' father and he sure as hell reminds me of my Dad. Is his looks, demeanor, and such getting the best of me? If so, how can I make these uncomfortable feelings go away.

Let me add that he is NOTHING like my kids' father in attitude or behavior...just his swag. lol I'm not sure if you guys know what that is, but it's simply his height, skin color, and swag. He reminds me of my father in height, skin color, and he talks/sounds almost JUST like my Dad. My kids' father is a lying abusive cheater and my Dad is a lousy son of a *****. Am I projecting their image onto him perhaps? He is SUCH a nice, wonderful, affectionate guy and yes, I am falling in love with him.

Uggggghhhhhhhhhhh! Please help.

I've decided to move forward in establishing a relationship with this guy who has a 2 year old son. We've been spending more and more time together lately and his son's mother is doing everything she can to interrupt our time together. All of the interruptions are related to the care of the baby which I totally support him doing. She has successfully thwarted only 1 of our attempts to spend time together. He comes back to spend time with me as soon as he can see that she is able and ready to care for the child, but always with an enormous amount of apologies. My concern is not what she is doing, but that the situation is causing him to apologize to me all of the time. In the past week or so, he's apologized like 5-6 times to me for not being able to be together exactly when we want to or for being delayed in seeing me, because of something she's done (in her own personal life to cause a crisis, which means that he has to stop everything to take care of the child)

My concern is this...I don't mind at all that he has to halt our plans to take care of the baby. I'm a single Mom of three kids whose father is not in the picture and TOTALLY understand the need for kids to come first whether the other parent is a loony toon or absentee. I just don't want this relationship to start out with the pattern and stigma where he feels like he has to apologize to me (which I'm thinking he's doing because he feels bad at the time) when these situations happen. I can see (intuitively and not because he complains) that he feels bad enough about having a child with someone who is not acting responsibly and for the lack of mothering that his son receives from her. How can I help he and I break this already forming pattern of him feeling bad or guilty because of what's going on in his personal situation? He is already establishing very clear boundaries to demonstrate to her that I'm who he wants to spend time with on a personal level when it comes to a romantic relationship. I love the real time open communication he gives me in all of our interactions, but can do without the apologies. I want to prevent the pattern of him having bad feelings in his communication with me when they are totally unrelated to "us".

Not sure if you've seen my previous questions about a particularly fantastic guy. Latest development. So, I allowed him space to "figure" things out and he came back in a flirtatious way, letting me know that he's still looking forward to building something deeper with me over time. In response I let him know that the feeling is definitely mutual. However, he still admitted to having some things to work out before he can totally commit to building a committed relationship with me. In an attempt to give him the time and space needed, I let him know that when I tell him how I feel and what I think about him that those are not attempts to rush him...that I'm living life to the fullest, enjoying myself in all that comes my way so that when/if we have a relationship - I have absolutely no regrets and will be able to commit to dealing with what a relationship with him brings. Well...I was expecting him to take that in stride and continue doing what he's been doing which is working through some things so that if he chooses later on, we can be together with limited obstacles. Wouldn't you know it...he came on stronger and is insinuating that he wants it all with me now. This would entail some serious life rearranging on both of our parts and while I have no doubt that I'm capable and I even have no doubt that he is capable as well...I feel like doing so would put a potentially great relationship at a huge risk for failure than not. I want to hear feed back from both sexes, but am genuinely interested in what men have to say about this move on his part. So far, I've only asked him to be very clear in his intent (level of seriousness) so that I can make an informed decision. It's only been a day so I'm kinda expecting him to do the level headed thing and think before he speaks. lol

Ok, I'm a VERY reasonable, emotionally/mentally balanced, happy, 36 year old woman. I recently started dating again and the fourth guy (aged 29) that I go out on a date with..."BAM!" I fall instantaneously heavily for him. The others are successful business/career men in their 40's, great guys, and I get along great with them....I thought that I was just going to have some fun for a while before trying to get serious about any one person. This guy, we haven't been sexually intimate, but seem COMPLETELY compatible. It seemed like he may have felt the same, but now he's not calling me. I never demanded it and even encouraged him to continue hanging with friends, knowing that I would continue to do the same in hopes that the feelings I have for him would wear/calm down. I've even foolishly considered letting the others who I've been dating know that I've fallen heavily for someone. I believe in traditional male/female roles in relationships so I'm probably not going to call him. It's driving me nuts to wait for him to call me again, but that's more than likely what I'm going to do. This is just strange and seems more like an immature behavior pattern. lol Help?????

I'm a (36) pisces and more vocal/open than most women about my thoughts and feelings toward people (family, friends, relationships, etc). I'm totally comfortable with that and have been communicating with a younger Scorpio male (30) that I'm EXTREMELY attracted to and smitten with. He says that my openness is what attracts him to me. I think I may have made a mistake in our conversation about relationship expectations. I was telling him that I think "space" between couples is healthy as it gives them time to cultivate and continue their friendships, interests, and hobbies outside of the relationship. Now he hesitates to take up my time in conversations, being considerate of my time with others. I WANT him to call and see me when he wants to. I know how and am ready to balance my time between friends and a relationship. Is there anything I can do at this time to help him out with this or should I just let him navigate his own way through, to find the balance on his own?

I'm 34 and this respectable guy is 45 soon 46. The kicker is that he had an interest in me when I was 18. My mom abruptly stopped him in his tracks and said, "you can have her in 20 years." Here I am now 16 years later, a single mom of three kids, used to having my independence, etc...and this guy has never been married or had kids. He approached my mom last week and was like..."by the way, how IS your daughter, is she married?" Long story short, my mom is very approving of this guy and kinda "hooked us up". My concern is that I've NEVER dated someone this much older than me. He seems like a fun guy, but I'm thinking about the fact that if we pursue a serious relationship (which he made abundantly clear to my mom, he is) there are probably about ten years of vitality left...maybe. I AM thinking of the future impacts on both of us. To add to it, I'm a young 34. Looking like 23 and with LOTS of energy/spontaneous. I don't want to waste his time OR mine considering the ages.

Just a simple poll, so no dissertations(sp chk?) please. Mine is "One night with a king" - because it really lives out the chapter of Esther the way it lays out in the bible.

Someone asked about a song stuck in the head and someone else answered "fresh she so fresh, exciting, she's so exciting to meeeeee" NOW I CAN'T get that dayum song outta mah head...recommendations??? Oh, who is that song by anyways?

Pick ANY movie whatso ever - I just might post it on myspace.com blog. (of course giving YOU the credit along with leads to your blog or myspace.com info, etc) LOL Who can write the best movie review for 10 pts? Please don't commit a movie lover felony by revealing the ending of (particularly a newly released) movie. It's just plain rude.

I have three school age children 13, 10, 9 and am moving from San Diego. Tacoma seems like the place to go...don't know why, but it does. I'm looking for that sorta small town feel with access to urban shopping and workplace. I'm also looking forward to natural waterways with an equal mixture of vegetation. AND not having to: live hand to mouth, feel like slapping a teacher every semester, beating an out of control kid every public place I go, BUYING A SINGLE FAMILY HOME and going to a theatrical production at a reletively decent price. Any suggestions, remarks, and advice is heavily welcomed. - Also would like to have a nice place for Mom to retire to in about ten years.

SAN BRUNO, Calif. (Oct. 31) - The lonely, divorced carpenter thought he was going to Brazil to make wedding plans.

Instead, he was drugged and held captive for six days at his fiancee's home while she and another man emptied his bank accounts, according to Brazilian authorities. Then they drove the 56-year-old victim to a vacant lot, where they strangled him with copper wire, doused his body with fuel, and set it on fire, investigators say.

Authorities found Raymond Merrill's charred body in April.

Now, the woman he believed was his betrothed is under arrest, along with a man suspected of helping to kill him.

"He would talk to me about ideal relationships and pure love," said Merrill's best friend, Bill Rauch. "With age doesn't necessarily come wisdom. He was used to doing things his way and, in the end, it did him in."

For months, his family knew nothing of his horrifying end. It was only after a bungled robbery in Brazil that investigators even learned of Merrill's fate.

Merrill met Regina Filomena Rachid last year through an online dating service. At the time, he was lonely and depressed, having been dumped by a Las Vegas woman for whom he had bought expensive gifts, according to Merrill's best friend.

Merrill and Rachid exchanged dozens of calls, e-mails and photographs, often enlisting Rachid's 18-year-old daughter as a translator. Rachid was 41, from an upper-middle-class family that was in the real estate business.

"I thought, `This is going a little fast,' but I didn't want to sound critical," said Merrill's sister, Marcia Sanchez Loebick.

The warning signs were obvious to Merrill's friend of nearly 30 years. Merrill gave Rachid $10,000 to start a skin care clinic and bought her a $20,000 sport utility vehicle. She complained it wasn't a fancier, more expensive model, Rauch said.

"This from a man who was tightfisted," Rauch said. "Ray and I would go out and I'd have to buy all the beers. All of a sudden, he's lavishing all these gifts and money on a relationship he's not even close to consummating.

"I said, `Ray, these are so many red flags. I can't believe you're pursuing this,"' Rauch said. "He would just slough it off. He'd say, `She's just a passionate and emotional Latina.' What do you say to a guy like that?"

Merrill visited Rachid twice in Sao Jose dos Campos, an industrial city about 60 miles from Sao Paulo. Both times he stayed a week longer than planned. Both times he notified Rauch, who then drove to Merrill's home in San Bruno to water the plants and collect the mail. On the third trip, Merrill again overstayed his return, but this time he didn't call Rauch to let him know.

Loebick, who lives in Cleveland, said she sent her brother repeated e-mails warning him that their 86-year-old father was dying, but got no response. She and Rauch's best friend called police in California to report him missing.

What happened to Merrill was more awful than either could have imagined.

Sometime after he arrived on March 21, Rachid and her real boyfriend, Nelson Siqueira Neves, drugged Merrill, kept him in a room in Rachid's house, and drained his bank accounts, stealing about $200,000 in all, according to Merrill's sister and Brazilian authorities.

Then, on April 1 - the day he was scheduled to return to California - they hired Evandro Celso Augusto Ribeiro for $5,600 to help kill him and set fire to the corpse, according to investigators. Authorities found the scorched remains but could not identify the victim, and buried the body in a pauper's grave.

But then Rachid - to raise money to pay off the hit man - took part in the holdup of a black-market money changer, and accidentally left her purse behind, investigators say.

The money changer went to police and turned over the purse, which contained Merrill's credit card. Hours later, Rachid showed up at the same police station to report her purse stolen. Police arrested her on the spot. The alleged hit man soon told authorities what happened to Merrill, investigators said.

Rachid and Ribeiro are in custody, charged with armed robbery followed by death.

Rachid's boyfriend was questioned by police in early October but was released under a Brazilian law that says no one can be arrested in the days immediately before and after an election, investigators said. Now he cannot be found.

"I feel a really terrible sense of loss," said Merrill's best friend. "You expect to lose your parents. But you don't expect one of your best friends to die."

Kim Curtis reported from San Bruno, Calif., and Stan Lehman reported from Sao Paulo, Brazil.

10/31/06 13:29 EST

I posed the question this way, because I realize not everyone on Y! is a US resident/citizen. I don't know how many of you remember the movie "Red Dawn" with Patrick Swayze, Lea Thompson, Charlie Sheen, etc. But I've watched that movie over a donzen times since I was a kid. If you've never watched it, at least do a little research before answering this question.....please. LOL The group of untrained teens that were defending US soil during a war in their country, knew they were at risk of dying, but weren't going to surrender their lives or territory without an all out fight. In recent years, I now see that movie as a plausible reality due to the fact that we have been attacked here on US soil during my adult lifetime and I'm thinking the severity of the attacks will increase. To what extreme would I go through?....I have kids, so I'd definitely be willing to kill to avoid capture and seizure of my home territory...as an EXTREME action.

I want to show the whole avatar since it took me a while to make it...and I lika da avatara? help please?

and when?

Just curious

I took the time to create this avatar and now I want the whole thing to show, not just the headshot. LOL

I've joined a new church and they are heavy on evangelising. They are very polite about it and we are looking for more ideas on corporate outreach. I'm hoping that with all of the faith minded, bible believing users on here, someone can give me ideas that have worked at their church, to take back to my church. Thanks!

By men and women, I mean over the age of 18. I'm just curious. If I can't get an intelligible response THIS time, then I'll just assume that most on here are not 18 or older.

Thanks!

By men...I mean like over 30 and by women, I mean like over 18 LOL...just kidding...age limits are 18 and 18. Thanks!