Paula

hi i went to a car boot sale yesterday and purchased (for the grand price of 10p)

a framed shellback certificate dated 1949 signed by davey jones and neptune lol

informing all dolphins landlubbers mermaids etc that Michael mortimer(this name is in different type font to the rest) is a trusty shellback .

it looks as if at some point this certificate was rolled as a scroll (a piece of rope and a bit of wax stamp remain on the bottom)

now from what i can gather on the net ..this means that he was in the navy?

crossed the equater?

went through some sort of initiation?

how do i know what navy? (us,british?)

and did i pay 10p for a worthless piece of paper?

points available for best answer.!!!!

Thanks.

http://quizible.com/quiz/tv-shows-or-movies/11949

am stuck on 2 3 4 5 6 and 7...can anyone help?

http://quizible.com/quiz/a-blend-of-logos/3746

stuck on numbers....

6

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thanks

Hey all,

I took a test yesterday that's 25 miu ( tesco test) and says to test the day after ur periods due. I am 13 dpo today and have the following.....

sensitive boobs (not painful just irritating)

veins appearing

dry skin

no af acne

cramping strongly since ovulation

low back ache

waking up mega early (hate getting out of bed)

dull sickness every now and again

AF is due tomorrow :(

Is there hope for a ++++ or am I just turning plain mental lol

Thanks!

i found an old sidecar in a garage clearance, i just want some info so i dont get ripped off when it comes to selling it

it has a miller spotlight,spare mudguard and hood all intact

westonian monza decals

if anyone knows anything about this item please answer and i can email you pics.

I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks which was light, no clotting and lasted for nine days. Should I count my usual 28 day cycle from the day I started bleeding or the day I finished?? As it was 28 days yesterday and my boobs are killing and I feel hot sick and dizzy!! no-one seems to know if its the beginning of the bleeding or the end????

Thanks xxxx

A woman brings eight year old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says: "Let's not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?!" Replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fu***ng appendix out!"

An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any f***ing Frenchmen to show it to

when a man who my father worked for was younger he worked all over the world. he was an engineer and worked a lot in africa . whilst clearing out his stuff from his house we found some shackles with a photo taken sometime ago in africa .whilst digging out a tree he found them buried along with a small statue ,when the african workers saw this figurine they yelled "ju ju" and ran from the site refusing to dig any longer ,so the foreman left the figurine in the hut where the wages were kept and noone went near it. what should i do with these items? are they of any value? who should i contact?

i usually only buy good quality mature cheese

decided to take a gamble and try a cheaper one (mature cheddar)

what i want to know is what the hell are those nasty little crunchy bits in the cheese?

and why is it so damn crumbly? (cant even slice or grate it without massive lumps breaking off)

i understand this is probably because it is cheap but what do they do differently to a better quality cheese???

10 points to the most believable answer

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "you won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a b**w job?"

"No, I never found her head."

Imagine my joy when getting out the christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces was a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy

My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fuc**ng red mark on her forehead

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks."

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Secrets to a Happy Marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.

and MOST important....

4. It is important that these three women never meet

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was

precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

MISSING!!!

ROUND YELLOW THING USUALLY FLOATS AROUND IN THE SKY!!!

ANSWERS TO THE NAME ''SUN''

> >IF U SEE HIM TELL HIM IT'S FU**ING JULY!!!

a man is driving down a country road and he hits a pig..

its squeeling and wiggling around tangled up in the bullbars of his jeep,

not sure what to do he phones his friend up....

"hey i just hit a pig its legs are stuck in my bullbars what should i do"

his friend (ever helpfull) advises him to slit the pigs throat and saw the legs free,then just toss it in the bushes .

he hears the phone get put down followed by loads of squealing , the sound of blood spurting everywhere and finally the sound of a saw.

finally the phone is picked back up.

"ok i did as you said and chucked the body and the legs in the bushes..... now what the f**k do i do with his motorbike??!!??"

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was

twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the

wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me

that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got

married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock,

and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild

fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I

watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the

stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the

front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are

very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a

better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car..

stephen hawking in a house fire