Rebecca W

In course of my questions yesterday it was mentioned several times that most nuclear families need two incomes. That it is for this reason that both parents work outside the home.

I question the validity of this premise. Is it really a necessity to have two incomes or is it more of a convenience in order to have material goods? If a family did not have to pay for childcare, maintained one car rather than two, lived more simply, would it then be that a single income would more than suffice to live decently while still allowing one parent to be a full time parent?

I have observed that quite a lot of things that are considered to be necessities are more in the manner of luxuries and these things can up household expenditures drastically. What if families actually gave up on the $150 for cable TV, $200 for cell phones, $40 a week for starbuucks, etc etc.

Would you be willing to give conveniences disguised as necessities in order for one parent to be the primary caretaker in your home?

Having been truly inspired by the answrs to my previous question, both pro and con, I posit another.

What do think really brought about the changes we have seen in family structure? Could it have been more about urbanization? Or perhaps instead of the the timeline focusing on the rise of feminism in the 60s it was the other political shifts that came about at the same time.

For instance, with rise urbanization we saw the end of extended family living for the most part. Whereas when we were a more rural society, extended families that not only included two parents but grandparents, aunts, uncles etc living either together or very closely connected was the norm, with urbanization this is quite rarely seen anymore. Vlad's answer made me think of this.

And though feminism became quite strong in the 60s there were also many other shifts that came about because of the "flower child" or "hippy" movements that were also major forces back. Before the advent of the "free love" era, an unwed mother was ostracized to point that it was next to impossible for them keep their babies. After the 60s it became more and more accepted to the point where we are now that no one even thinks twice about it.

I loved to see all the well thought out answers on my previous question, and hope to see more. I would like to bring up some more salient points that I saw in those answers later on. Just please don't get bogged down on the feminism aspect, because it is just one aspect of the question out of many.

Often on this forum we talk about the effect feminism has had on family dynamics. Since the late 60s we have seen a massive increase in the divorce rate and a huge increase in single parent families. On top of that, the majority of families do have both parents together, both parents also work outside of the home full time.

The current view now is that not only is the way it should be but that it has no effect on the children. I see it differently. I see kids every day that have no structure in their lives. Kids that have no idea what a real meal is. Kids that have had to basically fend for themselves in every way from learning to cook for themselves to figuring out their own moral codes. Some do this well, others not so much.

I have been dealing with "throw away" teens for about 15 years now, giving them a home, teaching them, loving them. And it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I asked this question of 5 of my teenage son's friends yesterday, when they showed up (as usual) at dinner time. Do you get real meals and homemade food anywhere else? All 5 of them said no.

Just based on that, what do you think? Is our current view working or is time for some changes?

In looking at this rather

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Anfls...

despicable question, I saw an answer that made me actually question the social norm revovling around parental rights.

The Lorax points out that a parent should not be given "visitation" because they are being a parent, not visiting their children. This is a very valid point. Do you think that if we started using different terminolgy such as alternate parenting days, this would change our perceptions of how important both parents are to their childrens lives? Is our use of such terms as "visitation" colouring the way we are building social norms surrending separate parenting?

I have a 2 year old shepard-husky mix that has suddenly started biting. I have never had a biting dog before. I have always heard that once a dog bites it won't stop. It breaks my heart that I might have to put him down. Is there any training procedure that can be used to stop biting?

Here I am, watching my game, and it has crazy close. The kids have left because mum is screaming at the telly. And this silly a** blonde chick (complete with long hair waving in the breeze) trying to interview the coach as half-time starts. For some reason this just sets my teeth on edge. Oh no, lets be honest, it just pisses me off! Anyone else dislike female sports announcers for men's sporting events?

I personally think it is not really appropriate for total public viewing. It strikes me as being better suited to a photo display for erotica, as opposed to something all and sundry (including children) ase exposed to.

Your thoughts?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/17/calvin-kl...

that the kiddies are out of school and we have a lot more than usual coming into GWS? I know we all have our fun and joke around, sometimes that can get raunchy. But if you see a question that is pretty obviously posted by a youngster, let us try to keep it in check.

Let's not make overtly sexual suggestions or recommend reading hardcore S&M books. I know no one here would want to do any harm to a kid even if inadvertently. And you can usually tell when they are kids. So what do you say, can we tone it down just a bit?

However with each other we can continue to be our usual off the wall selves!

What article of clothing do you have permanently banished from your wardrobe? Harley Q made me think of this by mentioning crocs. So is there something that you would rather die than have in closet?

For me, I have never and will never own sweats of type. Nor will I ever buy a pair of crocs.

to the child support, responsiblity discrepancies that are so much talked about here? It seems to me that the biggest bone of contention over parental responsibilty is that the fathers are basically considered to be good only for money. If instead of paying child support with limited visitation, all couples who have a child together automatically get joint custody, ie equally shared time 50% with dad, 50% with mum, neither party has to pay child support because the child spends the same amount of time with each parent. I personally think it would be wonderful solution to put aside the acrimony that seems to be so prevalent.

Your opinions?

In a recent question, an obviously underage young man asked for advice about cross dressing issues. The answers I saw on that question were abominable. If this was your son would you want a bunch of strangers telling him how to cross dress? Or being judgemental and making him feel even more confused than he already is? Come on people, don't you know what is right and what is wrong. This kid did not need to see the answers he got. Why would you as adults be so cavalier about hurting a kid?

In a recent question asking about respect, I saw a response that piqued my interest for further discussion.

I paraphase, treating someone like a delicate flower is not the same as respect, it is condescending.

Now I feel that treating someone like a delicate flower denotes caring. And that caring is directly related to respect. Therefore this treatment would be a form of respect.

Your thoughts?

"Feminists try to force their beliefs on anti-feminist women because you're essentially bringing us down and making women look stupid."

This quote is taken directly from an email sent to me by one of our feminists here on GWS.

It is my theory that by backing up my opinions with fact and by trying to look on both sides of any situation or question, I am demonstrating literacy and fairness. Does it in fact make women look stupid if they are anti or non feminist? Your thoughts please.

Here is the situation. My 13 yr old daughter came home from school today crying her eyes out. Why? Because a group of young men were calling her and her friends nasty names (of the sexual variety). Understand these girls are in honours classes, do extra-curricular activities, volunteer whenever needed. They aren't little "hoochy" girls.

The school has a "zero tolerance" bullying policy, which seems to mean that they just don't acknowledge the bullies, especially since the incident took place right in front of a teacher who couldn't be bothered to correct the young men.

The question is, were these young men just being crude bullies? Do kids of this age even understand the concept of sexual harrassment? I am truly not sure that sexual harrassment could be an age appropriate concept for boys this age (13, 14, 15). What you think?

"Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "

Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

Thought perhaps some of us could use a little understanding through poetry. Does this speak to any of you?

Perpetrator Relationship

Victim data were analyzed by relationship to their perpetrators. Nearly 39 percent (38.7%) of victims were maltreated by their mother acting alone (figure 3–6). Nearly 18 percent (17.9%) of victims were maltreated by their father acting alone. Nearly 17 percent (16.8%) were maltreated by both parents. From the US Dept of Health and Human Services, Report from 2007

Approximately, 40 percent (39.9%) of child victims were maltreated by their mothers acting alone; another 17.6 percent were maltreated by their fathers acting alone; and 17.8 percent were abused by both parents, Dept of health and Human Services 2006

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm07/chapt...

http://www.childhelp.org/resources/learning-center...

Four children die EVERY DAY in the US. This is not a feminist issue it is a thinking feeling human issue. Why are so many responses to questions about child abuse so callous?

Why is there so much controversy over who does what in maintaining cleanliness in the home these days. With all the modern amenities that are available to us such as vacuums, dishwashers, electric brooms, washers, dryers, there are even those automatic sweepers that run themselves, why is it that there is such a fuss? With just the slightest bit of effort it is possible to clean an entire house in a couple of hours a week. Why so much focus on who does what chore in the house?

I have been having some horrible luck getting my mint started this year. I am on my third try and out of an entire packet of seeds have gotten only five sprouts. Any suggestions? These are inside starts and I am using Miracle grow in the starter pots. Also my lavender started fine bit seems to be stunting out. It is planted in an area of 80% sun 20% shade. The rest of herbs are doing wonderfully so I am at a real loss as to what is going on.