Julia

I don't drink for health reasons (heart) but I am pressured to go to work social events (pub) where I feel out of place. My colleagues brag about how drunk they get every night and talk about things I'm not interested in (like how drunk they get). The bosses see 'drinks and nibbles' after work as our reward and I've been told I have to attend, even though it's out of hours. My line manager makes sure I attend and that I have an alcoholic drink in my hand. I've got some interviews coming up for other jobs, but I'm heading for half a dozen more of these events, what do you think I should do? It's not a high powered job, I'm admin in a college.

My employers think that as a reward for hard work and increasing profits, they can buy us bags of crisps on a Friday and a few bottles of cheap vinegary wine, consumed out of paper cups and we have to stay late to drink and eat this stuff. All my colleagues think this is great and get drunk, but I'd rather spend my precious evening with family, plus I'm teetotal and I never snack. I end up upsetting everyone by saying I'm going home and they all look stern and ask me what's wrong. Now they make a point of insisting I attend and that I have a drink in my hand. I'm not in a position to change jobs though I am looking. I sound miserable but I'm not! I'd just rather have a bonus and my free time. Any ideas!

Hi I have a really old immersion heater (+30 years), it was fine until I had it serviced recently. Since then whenever I turn on the hot tap it sounds like the QE2 is coming through my flat, the pipes knock and howl. The plumber was really creepy so I don't want him back but should I worry about getting this looked at? It heats up fine but sounds terrifying!

There are 3 of us doing the same admin work in my office. I work 2.5 days a week, one colleague works 3 days a week and the third works 4 days a week. HR have written to us saying they want to replace these roles with one 5 day a week post and one 2.5 day a week post. The duties, hours, pay and conditions of the 2.5 day a week post are identical in every way to my current 2.5 day a week job. I've been told I am at risk of redundancy. Is this right?

I'm researching an ancestor and on the UK census for 1901 it states that his profession was 'drew worker'. I can't find any information on what this job might have been? Any ideas appreciated! He lived in Yorkshire, UK and was 21 years old in 1901. With thanks.

Hi there, I have quite an old immersion heater. I've recently had a new element put in and the plumber has set the temperature quite high. What I want to know is, does the temperature setting affect the life of the element? That is to say, if I adjust it so that the water is cooler, will it last longer? I don't switch it on more than twice a week as I'm not home much, and an element usually lasts 3 - 4 years. Thanks very much

I had a thyroid test in January and my doctor said that my TSH level had risen to 5.3 which he said was of concern to him and that if it rose further I'd be on Thyroxine for life (currently I take no medication). I didn't want this to happen so I went to a well known health store and they recommended I take 500mg a day of L-Tyrosine. So I took this for 3 months, but now my TSH is 9.4. Surely the opposite should have happened? Any ideas much appreciated. I feel a bit dumb for messing around with it all.

Hi there, I'm having problems with a work colleague, a woman in her late forties, who seems to have latched onto me. She's known to be quite emotionally unstable and our employer is paying for her to see an in house therapist, but whenever she sees me, she unloads onto me for at least 45 minutes and I can't get a word in edgewise or escape unless someone comes along to rescue me. She doesn't even say hello or how are you. She's currently trying to undermine our new boss, who is great, by going to all my other colleagues and HR in tears saying what a terrible bully she is. She got rid of our last boss (her best friend) this way too. She sends me huge long text messages out of hours and voice mails. She bursts into tears at the slightest thing, like asking her to move her bag, but is not interested in anything to do with me, apart from me being a pair of ears to listen and not interrupt. I'm really busy and can't spend hours every day pinned up against a wall listening to vindictive gossip and her home problems. It's making me ill and I can't sleep. My boss knows and is trying to come up with a plan, but what can I do to avoid a massive hysterical confrontation? Help!

Hi there, following on from another question I asked recently about what inspires you to go to a concert (or not), I'm trying to think up imaginative ideas for venues, where perhaps music could be performed, but isn't being performed. I think churches put people off, and proper concert halls can be incredibly expensive. I'm thinking of places with or without a piano, maybe stores, workplaces, hotel lobbies. Any ideas hugely appreciated!

As part of my job I organise classical music concerts in churches and halls. These are usually by professional standard performers who are fully trained and experienced, but are not famous in the media. I also attend a lot of concerts in places like these. I notice that a lot of the time, there are only a few people in the audience. What sort of things would inspire you to go to a concert at lunchtime or in the evening? What would put you off going? Would you go if you didn't know anything about classical music or would you go to see if you like it? Does the performer have to be famous or would you be interested in the music being played or sung. I really appreciate your thoughts.

I have some lovely houseplants that are doing really well, but I'm worried they'll suffer as the weather turns colder. They are Hibiscus and Alocasia Polly. I can't afford to have the heating on for 6 months to keep them at their properly required temperature so can I put a heated propagation mat under them? If so, do I remove the water tray under the plants and just have the bottom of the pots touching the mat? Will that hurt the roots? Hope someone knows the answers! Thanks

I am going to a funeral this week, a work colleague. She died unexpectedly and none of us knew anything about her private life. It seems she was estranged from her own relatives and was hated by her step children who haven't had any contact for 30 years. They've asked her boss to pay for her funeral and he's agreed as he is a nice man and they've said they didn't like her and don't want to contribute. They'll be at the funeral, should I give them my condolences? Very few people are going as she wasn't well liked, but the whole thing feels awkward. Thanks for your thoughts on how to deal with this.

Just wondering how far a wife should 'obey' her husband under the love honor and obey part of the marriage vow? My retired aunt isn't allowed to do anything at all by her husband, even go outdoors alone, and has to ask permission to do anything at all, even leave the room. It's been like that for over 40 years and she's not incompetent in any way. Is that taking the 'obey' vow too far?

My aunt is not allowed access to any money at all. Her husband of 41 years has never, in that whole time, allowed her access to her wages, savings, trust fund (from inherited property) or state pension. She has to ask for every penny and often he says no. Everything is paid into his bank accounts. Is this legal in the UK? She's not incompetent in any way, she has a degree and was a fully qualified accountant before marriage. Thanks,

Last year I bought an Alocasia Polly plant. One by one the leaves drooped and died and since about November it's had only one leaf. I bought another in January and the same thing has happened to that one. Both plants seem OK with their one remaining leaf, but it's very frustrating. I have them in an East facing window (best I can do in a small flat), so they get direct sun in the mornings. I mist them with spring water daily and keep them moist with spring water too. They are on a gravel tray. The leaves seem to be straining towards the light, but when I give artificial light they seem to droop. Any ideas? I'm in the UK and have no garden or greenhouse.

I was at a kid's birthday party yesterday (kids were around 5 years old) and one of the mothers said this to her child 'Chloe are you going to dance for us?' (Chloe looks happy and nods) Mother - 'You know why we want to see you dance don't you? (Chloe looks puzzled but still pleased) Mother 'Because when you dance you look so stupid it makes us all laugh' (Chloe looked distressed).

I don't have kids and was there as a helper to my sister in law. What effect might that have on a kid (if any) and why might a mother say it? I'm very puzzled, the kid was quiet and seemed pretty normal and innocent to me.

I'd like to get my Irish passport renewed but it can only be countersigned by 6 professions (unlike UK passports). So it has to be an MP, a priest/vicar, a chartered accountant, a bank manager, assistant bank manager or a doctor (not dentist). It can't be anyone else at all, not even a solicitor. The form also has to be 'stamped with the official stamp' of the church or company/MP. I know a priest and an accountant but neither have an official stamp. I don't know an MP and my bank and doctor refuse to help. Any ideas? I'm in London, UK.