Mamaof4

Please understand I'm not being a scammer or troll this is a serious question. I have a male friend who is very, very feminine in his mannerisms. At first, I thought he was just copying mannerisms of his mother to be "funny", but I've noticed he does this when he is upset or times he isn't really monitoring his actions. Rolling his eyes, waving his hands around...putting his hand on his hip. He sits on the couch "Indian" style. When he's upset, he literally almost goes into hysterics worse than I do as a female. The other issue is, he has a huge amount of difficulty in the physical intimacy department with females and doesn't understand why. He says he's fine not having sex, but doesn't understand why they won't still hug, snuggle, and hold hands with him. His last girlfriend told me she was highly turned off because instead of laying on the couch holding her, he would snuggle under her arm and lay his head on her shoulder or breasts. 100% realize this sounds stereotypical...but his favorite 80's / 90's groups include Barry Manilow, The Bangles, Anita Baker, Sade, and Milli Vanilli.

The past 3 months, he has had 3 gay males make him feel as though they are "coming onto" him. He reports this has happened in the past. It makes him VERY angry and he doesn't know why they do this. I've asked if he's sure he isn't gay and he gets very upset. (He believes it's a huge sin and as a Christian it would send him to hell). He has one male friend, and they know more about each others' bowel movement habits than any 2 females I know of. He calls this male friend to be sure he's awake, getting ready for work, and will be on time. He feels this is "helping" his male friend. Yes, they ride together, but most males I know would kick some butt instead of continuing to pamper a male friend like this.

I seriously think he's gay and would be much happier realizing this and pursuing relationships with males instead of trying to be with females. What should I do when he keeps asking for relationship advice? Do you think I should suggest the idea maybe he is gay and perhaps he would be happier if he acknowledged it? I really do not know the best way to let him know it's okay and it would make his life far happier to just live out who he really is. I've had many friends of various sexual orientations, but never one who hadn't already "come out," so don't know how to handle this.

Thank you for any suggestions.

Given some recent oddities I'm noticing on my phone, I have been looking into websites claiming they can find a person's email and detect activity on the internet such as dating profiles. It's my experience when someone constantly accuses, they are usually guilty of something themselves. So...I'm wondering if any of these programs are legit, are they worth the money and what do you really see if you pay the subscription prices?

My Iphone has been acting a little odd. One day, while I was on the phone it kept randomly going from speakerphone, attempting to turn on my Bluetooth, mute, etc. Occasionally when I pick up my phone, there is a bar going across much like you see on YouTube, etc, as if a video is playing but I have not been watching videos or music. Another odd occurrence is suddenly my texts say "read" instead of "sent."

Anyone with any experience know if this sounds suspicious for SpyWare on an Iphone? If so, how can I know for sure or get it removed?

I recently went to college with 20 year old kids who were bilking the government for a free education. Many kids of very wealthy parents were abusing our Federal loan system & this is how they do it. In cases of divorce, the "need" of students is based upon the lower of the two parental incomes. Daddy has a job making 3 figures a year, Mommy has a job making $40,000/yr. So---the kid gets Federal grant money based on Mommy's income, while Daddy sends the kid checks for $300-$600/month to go get high/drunk on and writes a check to the university to pay the rest of the tuition costs. Daddy also sends extra money so Kid can go buy papers and pay people to do kid's work so kid actually passes college. Kid gets a free college education off grants they never have to pay back.

Farmers receive CRP funds for land they own from our government. They are paid to NOT farm this land...they are paid this money to sit on their butts and do "nothing" on this land to stop producing crops we do not need in the first place.

Why does no one complain about this "wasteful government spending??"

I'm seeing a lot of wrong information on welfare, so asking an honest question to see how many people know the real facts:

A) There is a lifetime limit of 60 months a family/woman can receive cash benefits from the government---this is not extended if more children are born

B) The increase for having another child is $40/month. The amount in my state a woman with one child receives is $327

C) You can not money in savings, investments or other accounts. The government checks this regularly

D) You can not own a vehicle worth more than $4000

E) The government budget for welfare spending on women & families is $107.2 billion.

F) Unemployment is categorized as "welfare," gov't spending for unemployment is $134.8 billion.

G) No extensions on welfare benefits has been granted due to the financial crisis of our nation; however, extensions are given for unemployment

H) A person no longer qualifies for cash assistance from welfare if they are pursuing a degree higher than a Bachelor's

I) You can be denied jobs & low income housing for having "low credit"

J) The majority of "welfare" benefits go to Medicare, Social Security & Unemployment NOT to women/children/people living in poverty

K) In my state, welfare benefits are cut off when a person receives a job working for minimum wage

L) Utility assistance programs only guarantee no shut offs during the months of Nov. to April. The full amount of the bills during that time is still left for the person to pay minus a one time payment of $200-$600 average.

M) People on welfare pay a hugely disproportionate amount of money for local & state sales taxes. We do not get "waivers" or "tax exempt" status on items that carry these taxes.

I get tired of people spewing false facts about welfare and how it is "bleeding our country dry." There are many of us on welfare who are suffering in the exact ways others are suffering---after corporate layoffs, downsizing, and who have tried to get better educations while on assistance. I would suggest checking before you criticize, because chances are the people some accuse of "abusing welfare" are actually on unemployment benefits, applying for jobs to fill their "job application" sheets and living for years not even trying to work.

How many of you welfare haters out there actually know these facts, or do you just jump on whatever bandwagon the media displays and make your assumptions from there???

I recently did another "trial" period on a dating site, that has a chat room where all can chat together. The room was just like I see in real life. A whollllllle bunch of single people sitting around being lonely, bored, wishing they had a "significant other" in their life wondering why they are still single. Many of these people I see in real life, as well as online, would actually be VERY compatible with each other. It's as though we can't "see" what's right in front of our face. I see a lot of men waiting for the woman to "make the first move," amidst a bunch of women waiting for the man to "make the first move."

Any ideas on what exactly it might be preventing all of us single people out here from actually getting with someone who we are very mutually attracted to, who we might really like, but there just never seems to be that moment it ever "happens?" I'm seriously growing more & more puzzled over it everyday because I see it all the time. Do you think it might be because we are so frustrated by the morons that DO approach us & all we can talk about is our dating "failures" when we find someone with whom we have that in common---instead of realizing the "perfect" person might be sitting in our face?? LOL.

Just a lighthearted question---no real point I realize. Thought maybe I could get some people to think about it or offer suggestions.

I am shocked and appalled by the growing number of people who seem to have little to no idea of how our government is structured, and where the power truly lies within our government. It seems everyone has joined the band wagon of simply ignoring the bodies actually responsible for failure/success and joining the media in blaming the president or giving a president "credit" where it is not due. I find it interesting this is the only true bi-partisan belief remaining in our country. Both parties seem to always be willing to point fingers at the wrong person on a continuous basis.

The fact is that the president of our nation has 2 powers. The power to sign legislation into act, and the power to declare war & mobilize the military. A president has the "power" to influence legislation, find representatives who will introduce it, and to "form" it---but only by influence, not by actual authority. Second, the president has no actual authority or power to enforce or regulate the military single handedly past giving the final authority on declaring war. All other rules, regulations and directions for military operations come from Congress. The actual power in our country has been designed and set up to rest in the hands of the people---who vote for members of the House of Representatives & the Senate based on the needs & interests within their region. If you want to "blame" or give "credit" to anyone for what happens in our country...look to the branch of our government truly has the power to impact our society.

I seriously want to know where people have ever gained the knowledge or support for their beliefs of any "power" past that in our country and in our government? Is this something you were taught in school? Is it something you learned from a preacher behind a pulpit? Your parents? Where has this ideology come from?

I seriously am beginning to worry about the future of science, intelligence, the right to exercise and practice "religion," the concepts of treating others with dignity, compassion & respect, the ability of our next generations to gain knowledge and expand ideas based on the questions I see on here.

Or do we all just hide behind a screen name, are perfectly nice humans in the real world, and just come on here either to vent or reveal our true, inner selves? Ahh the age of "technology" and the breakdown in human communication it truly creates.

Seriously, does anyone else ever walk away from the computer wondering about the conditions of human minds, lives, souls & where that leaves us as humans in the future?

All of "life" boils down to one entity, and that is power or energy. I believe there is scientific basis that explains the division or breakdown of energy into molecules that are positive, negative & neutral. All of matter consists of the blending of all those three types of molecules. The force any of that matter then determines it's "place" within that atmosphere. Gravity teaches us that when a positive and negative force are equal...the object will float if it's lighter than air, sink if it is heavier, or remain suspended or "inert" if positive and negative forces are equal.

On that basis---where did the first source of energy come from? What caused it to begin the divisions and splits and formations into separate types of matter...be it air, water, land...animals, humans, etc.?

Isn't there some scientific evidence that a higher force of energy exists, and that it has never been truly defined or explained by science? Ahhhhh....could this be the point where religion & science actually meet and support each other rather than prove each other as wrong?

I have known many people who claim to be bi-polar. I see a good number of these people, especially women, who absolutely refuse to take the meds prescribed. I am getting highly irritated by the number of these people, especially women with kids, who do not see how their lack of desire to control their illness brings nothing but pain to their loved ones and destruction to the lives of those around them.

By contrast, I know those who are extremely responsible with their meds, use extreme caution to maintain this mental illness---because they DO see the pain and destruction it can cause. I've known very high functioning individuals who one might never suspicion are bi-polar because they make a choice to be responsible about their illness.

I'm just very curious as to why there appear to be so many (as I said especially females) who use this condition as an "excuse" to be horrid mothers, abusive to their loved ones, and destructive to others' lives and properties. Why wouldn't these people make the choice to manage their illness unless it is what they enjoy doing in life, to bring misery to others? From where I sit in dealing with many of those who make this choice, it often appears they are the only ones "happy" after their manic/depressive states and everyone else in their life is left to handle the devastation.

Don't tell me it's something that can't be controlled, because they produce lithium everyday. It has to be along the lines of personal choice...but I'm curious to know input as to some of the thoughts of those who actually suffer from the "disease" as to why this happens.

I have a friend who has raised 2 girls that are not his since they were young. They are now both teenagers, and one of them is attempting to have a relationship with her biological father. My friend has no problem with this, but the girl has never been told that her biological father is a sex offender, and is not allowed unsupervised visitation with the daughter because of his history. My friend is in a very difficult position, and I'm unsure of what advice to give him. He does not feel he should be the one to tell the daughter about her biological father, and it will only make her resent him. I happen to agree with that perspective; however, it is very obvious this child needs to know the truth of why she "can't" have a relationship with her biological father. Her mother has "issues," and yes. I believe she should be the one to tell her daughter, but that is highly unlikely to happen. The girl is seriously trying to pursue "getting to know" her "dad," and is thinking my friend is only trying to "block" that and has begun resent him. Of course, this pleases her mother tremendously---because she knows this hurts my friend to have the girl mad and resenting him. It is something this woman has used against my friend, that he isn't their "real" father...in their divorce, he was not even granted visitation rights and she didn't ask the court to put them in place. Quite a mess! However, I feel very deeply for the situation both my friend and this young girl are in.

I don't quite know how to advise my friend on how to handle this, but it is becoming clear the girl needs to know soon. He has a good relationship with his ex's father. I'm thinking that may be the best person to tell the girl about her biological father, but of course---no one in this picture wants to upset the mom, including her parents because she is "bi-polar." I already know the anger this girl is going to have when she finds out this has been kept from her, and I fear she will not have the proper support she will need from her mom when she finds out. I have a cousin who just found out at the age of 54 that the man she believed to be her father her entire life was not. The entire family knew except for her, including my aunt who legally adopted her after my other aunt (cousin's mom) died. At 58, this caused her a great deal of anger and stress. I can't imagine what this will do to a 14 yr. old girl to find out this awful truth has been kept from her.

I'm thinking of advising my friend to ask either the biological father or the grandfather to please tell this girl the truth. He has a decent relationship with the biological father. There is an older sister who is 16, but I'm not so sure this is her job to tell her sister, either--as they have different biological fathers. What advice or suggestions or input can anyone give? My friend knows the girl needs to know, but unsure of who should tell her.

I am asking a serious question based on what I hear a lot from men, my male friends...in songs...it appears to be the prominent opinion of males. Had a talk with one of my young male friends about this last night, and I'm still puzzled---so opening this up to more ideas. Many men seem to be overly hung up on the idea if they are able to "make" a woman have an orgasm, they have "pleased" or satisfied her. If they do not, they feel the woman isn't "satisfied." Sometimes women just enjoy the closeness, the sensations and that is all her body reacts to. It's no less "satisfying," and in fact can be just as satisfying.

I would be inclined to believe what most men will say, that sex is "different" for females than for men, and that's why they think this. But I've known plenty of males who will admit sometimes they don't orgasm, either...and it's not a fault of the female. Their body just enjoys the sensations of sex in a different way that time.

So...why all this obsession with "making" a woman have an orgasm, when the fact of the matter is, she can "make" herself have one without a man (as men can also do)? Why does this make some males feel like a complete failure if they don't make a woman orgasm every single time? Why can men not accept sometimes just feeling the closeness, the strength of the man, the sensations are equally as pleasing and accept this makes him just as much of a "man" or maybe even moreso, if she doesn't orgasm?

Okay, this is a 2 part question. First (for all of you waiting to pounce on this and state its a rant) I wish to state my own views. I do not believe there is any basis in the Bible that supports the notion held by both religion and government historically that supports the belief that women should submit to men in general or that men are given an ordained right to govern over a woman in ways such as how she dresses, talks, or her ability to reproduce. From a "religious" standpoint I know the argument that God tells women to "submit." I Corinthians does tell women to be quiet, but only in church---not in society in general. Second, multiple times God tells women to submit to their husbands, and husbands to wives---but no where that I can find does it state a woman should have to submit to a man who is not her husband. God gives instructions to women who are not married, he tells them to obey the laws of the land, but it is also never stated God feels women should not be rulers of the land, just not in church. I don't see any Bible verses supporting the backing of our laws, the American legal system and economic system to justify the disparity and inequality shown to women in our society. I state this, to avoid anyone wasting their time trying to deliver false Biblical or legal information for me to consider.

Now...part two of the question. Can anyone please give me a sound basis or argument for the reasons why these conditions exist? Or, simply logically thought out opinions on this subject?

Okay. There are a lot of people on here who throw around Science as "proof" of everything. Some of the brighter individuals can actually quote scientific studies to back their beliefs, which I do admire. However, I am seriously wondering how many people who base their knowledge solely on science actually know how a scientific study is designed and meant to be interpreted?

Do you realize in a scientific study, there is a mean found? From that mean are found standard deviations. A standard deviation represents a movement away from the mean or "norm." Anything over 2 standard deviations from the norm is rejected, or considered an abnormal result. Thus---common sense and logic tells you scientists know and build their studies around the knowledge that "normal" or "right" or "accurate" represents a RANGE, not a single value.

Seriously. I am wondering...how many of you actually realize this?

I wonder if people have thought this through on a rational basis. I don't believe Obama is a Muslim, but what if he is? What would that have to mean? We have had presidents of all different religious affiliations throughout history. When we had presidents that were Roman Catholic, did that HAVE to mean their loyalties lay with Italy, where that religion began and is still based? No one made that stretch of logic. The US was founded on the basis of religious freedom. Why, if it were true and on the basis of logical reasoning, if Obama is indeed Muslim does that HAVE to mean his loyalties lie within the Middle East and that he is "not American?"

When both people have children from a previous marriage, I'm really becoming quite lost as to how the situation is handled best. I do already realize it varies with couples and different personalities. However, I seem to be continuously encountering the same scenario. Men seem to want complete access to my relationship with my kids (seeing them, knowing about them, etc.) but close the doors to their kids. I've been in dating relationships & an engagement where this was the ultimate demise of the relationship, because I personally believe a 2nd marriage is no different than the first should be. The marriage comes first, and all kids come first then to the couple...but kids do not and should not consistently be held in front of the spouse/partner in "first" place. I have experienced this sets up nothing but problems in the relationship, because kids (usually the guy's) learn very quickly they do not have to respect me, can get dad off to the side and get what they want, and they know they can cause problems and fights between us. As I said, I don't believe this isn't healthy when it's a first marriage. I certainly don't believe it makes accepting a "step" family situation any easier.

Men will say they agree with this, but I've found very few willing to stick to it. So, I'm beginning to think perhaps my opinion is wrong. How have others handled this, and especially how have you effectively communicated how kids will be handled early in a relationship? I'm totally open to new ideas and suggestions.

By the way, perhaps I should add I feel respecting someone as a parent comes with time through building a relationship. I would never expect that immediately, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect respect as dad's gf/wife.

Thanks!

I am seriously curious. You have no religion, I've seen very few legitimate questions about religion---just challenges to other people's beliefs--so why do you hang out here? Why don't you spend your time in the mythology section if that is more suitable to your tastes? It seems to me if you are anti-religion, and you claim atheism isn't a religion...why do you hang out here just to bash everyone else?

I am wondering why women approach, come on to, try to contact or otherwise cause problems in a relationship. I will say I know men do this too, but from what I see these days women are much worse at it. You see a man is married, has a serious girlfriend, or even just dating someone else...why do you persist in trying to get with him?

Examples: when my ex and I were married, women could see the wedding rings, I'd be standing there with him and our daughter, and I'd have women come up and touch him, tell him what a great body he had, and when I wasn't around constantly telling him they'd like to have a "chance" to make him happy.

Example 2: I know of people who begin dating someone, and suddenly the ex appears again after months of no interest, claiming she wants to be "friends" and everytime it winds up she is wanting to get back together.

In either case, I feel like if you succeed in getting the man, you get what you ask for. Because if a man is going to cheat on his wife or gf, he will eventually cheat on you, too.

I don't visit this section much, so I apologize if this question has been asked previously. Is there a reliable, yet inexpensive way to trace a person's African American history and if so, how do I start? My daughter is bi-racial, and I would love to trace her family history back for her.

Ok. I just started her in counseling, because I will admit we have not had an easy life since she was born and she has suffered some major traumas. I have really tried as a parent, to help her overcome this, provide stability for her life the past 3 years and otherwise nurture/discipline these areas I have seen as problems. She has absolutely no respect for me whatsoever. She absolutely refuses to accept me, as a single parent, in the disciplinary and nurturing role simultaneously. No form of actual discipline (time outs, ignoring bad behaviors & praising good behaviors) seems to work. Her father was somewhere in between a Narcissist and a Sociopath. She has many, many traits of his. It was confirmed in therapy this is, indeed, highly genetic. Today, I visited with her teacher because my daughter has suddenly lost interest in school. The teacher said the only "problem" with her recently has been she has caught my daughter claiming another child has hit her, or been "mean" to her, or even lying about having toys, etc. and the teacher has "called" her on this. My child has always been an angel at school, and is a pet because she behaves so well and all who work with her find her an absolute delight. She adored her teacher, now she doesn't want to go to school. I am scared it's because the teacher "saw through" the little miss innocent image and saw my daughter's true side. My daughter bears huge resentment for anyone who sees this, including me.

She is highly manipulative, very controlling, and very, very demanding. All attention must be on her all the time. When I am busy, she will intentionally engage in bad behaviors to get negative attention, that escalate the more I ignore her. Once I express a desire to spend positive time with her, she wants nothing to do with me. Examples of manipulative behavior are she will tell me she wants to "see" the bananas to find out what color they are, or to compare their size to other objects---when in fact, she is trying to get one to eat because she didn't eat her dinner. She will run across the couch, bounce on it, jump off it...when she knows this is not allowed, when I don't respond how she wants me to (by getting angry) she will proceed on to stringing all her toys out all over, or throwing them. She mimics negative behaviors of students with behavioral problems she sees at school, but only at home with me. When we have company, she will literally take her hands and turn my face to her, try to hug me and hang on me---and wants little affection when we are alone. She rages at me in accusatory tones for things she perceives I have done "wrong" such as forgetting her snack or not being able to attend her Valentine's day party...or things I did months ago.

I am highly concerned about this Narcissistic/Sociopathic tendency. Has anyone on here had experience with this in young children and have any advice to offer? I'm truly at my wits end and very concerned about my daughter.