Margaret K

My sister smoked and drank throughout her life, and now, at age fifty, she has cancer. Her prognosis was not good. She chose surgery, radiation and chemo in order to try to add time to her life. Her lower jaw and much of the plumbing in her neck was removed, down to the collarbone. The lower jaw was reconstructed with bone from her leg, and she underwent radiation and chemotherapy. Now, she has tumor growing in her lung, and doctors have referred her to palliative care.

The women in my family tend to live into their late eighties. So, she probably traded about 35 years of her life away for the chance to smoke throughout her life. And yet, she was also willing to have her lower jaw and portions of her neck removed in order to add a few months or years back to her life.

So,

Body parts are worth less than a few months or years of life.

and 35 years of life is worth less than smoking.

body parts < 35 years of life < smoking

The conclusion is that smoking is the most important priority. It trumps over body parts and even life itself.

When someone says, "I would give my right arm for a cigarette", you probaby thought they were joking.

It's no joke.

So, what is 3 months of life worth to you? Would you give up smoking to get more time? Give up body parts? Kill someone?

What is life worth to you?

My sister was jealous of the attention my family was getting from my mother after our children were born (she was unmarried and childless ). So, she got drunk at a family gathering and claimed my daughter was being molested. She my daughter said "it's getting long" while sitting on her uncle's lap, and that was her "proof". None of the other four people sitting in the room, closer than she was, heard it, and besides, that's just crazy. In order to prove this, she snuck off with my 3 year old, while under the influence of a whole lot of alcohol (she was drinking all day), and "interviewed her" (i.e. had an x-rated conversation with my 3 year old child) and claimed that as her corroborating evidence.

In trying to figure out what in the world had happened, I realized that what I thought was alcoholism was actually borderline personality disorder. Compulsive behavior like alcoholism is one symptom of it. It also turns out that paranoid delusions and false accusations are also symptoms of BPD. Attachment disorder (acting crazy if you think a relationship is in jeapardy, like thinking Mom isn't paying enough attention to you) is another symptom.

It was an extraordinarly traumatic experience, and since the mental illness runs in the family, when the accusation was made, a number of other people also bought into it. So, there we were, facing a bunch of people accusing us, and no way to set the record straight and no emotional support. We had to basically remove ourselves from contact with the family in get back to a normal life. They interpret that as our being "angry" or "hating", but while we sympathize with the mental illness and alcoholism, the experience was really emotionally traumatic for all of us, and from that point on, interactions with family were horribly unpleasant and didn't seem to be beneficial for anyone. There didn't seem much else we could do, except to keep doing it, like fingernails on a chalkboard, or just give up and walk away. In the world of gossip, when you are dealing with irrational people who don't based their opinions of rock solid evidence, there is never any closure, no way to defend yourself. Just accusations, lingering out there, like a poisonous cloud.

I've since spoken to other people who have had something similar happen to them.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Tell me your story.

I have recently purchased a new home and am on a very limited budget. Where can I find discount cabinet kits, tile, etc that is not too far from the northwest area of Phoenix AZ? Also need to find good deals on furniture.

Thanks for your help!!

My daughter loves this musical lullaby ocean wave crib toy, and my husband threw it away when it broke before I could get a manufacturer, model name, model information, etc. from it. It had a hollow plastic piece on the front filled with blue water, that rocked back and forth, causing waves. It played music, shined lights through the rocking waves, and had settings for music or wave sounds. It didn't have any fish toys or anything like that, it was just waves, music and lights. Very soothing. I got it when my daughter was a baby, so it was around 1998, 1999 or 2000.

Does anyone know manufacturer make or model for this crib toy? Any help would be appreciated.