Mousey

We had a special session with our youth pastor yesterday and what he said made a lot of sense. It is true that some rocks may get contaminerated and slippery when wet. It is also true that a few Vietnam fisherman in that area will probably not be able to get fish for a while. It is also true that a few beach bums won't be able to dig around in the sand for oysters or grubs. SO my question is this... who cares? We need oil. Period. Oil is a natural thing. If it recks a few things here and there, that is no big deal. Right?

My youth pastor says that many of the rocks will be contaminerated and slippery. But he said this is just what the USA needed because it will provide many good paying jobs. He also said that as we have dominumen over the earth and all its creatures, that this oil spill is likely to help us more easily catch the fish and the shrimp because they will simply float to the surface and save us time, money, and effort. I thought this thing was really bad, but NOW i am thinking otherwise.

I am a student at a local Bible College in Portland. I won't say witch one as that is private information.

By using common basement materials -- such as 2x4s, plaster of paris, a Bose stereo system, a stethoscope, and a bucket (among other things) -- I have developed a unique PATENT PENDING technology that produces acurate and highly useful smell maps of the female body. I say "female body" because, as a Christian, I refuse to use this technology on males, as that is against Biblical Law.

These smell maps are print outs from my printer with a "heat map" of olfactory uptake of the various stink factors eminating from the woman areas of the female, as well as her general body parts, but not including the lower leg area. I am able to produce this map from any female older than 18 and younger than 30, who is willing to allow me to use my procedures on her for approximately 24 hours (not including lunch breaks). While this is a RELATIVELY non-invasive procedure, I ask that all customers bring extra goggles and socks.

I also ask that the woman not bathe for approximately 10 days beforehand.

Do you believe that my service would be a great Yule-tide gift for a loved one???

Please let me know ASAP as my back-order is filing up fast.

Thanks very much from your friend with the smell map technology.

My buddy Burt told me that Google had developed technology to create a "smell map" of ANY woman. Wow, that is cool! Supposedly this reveals how cute and adventurous they will be.

My questions:

1. Where can I obtain this technology?

2. What is a "stink factory" as it relates to women?

3. Why on earth did they do this??

I am a member of "Sk8ers for Christ" at my Church. The youth pastor in charge of this group, Steve, continually refers to the girls in the other Church groups as "chicken McNuggets". I don't know if this is some biblical or slang term for women?

Anyway, we have recently been learning more about pro-Life stuff and about how that is the most important thing. Plus about abstinence, and we have all made pledges to wait until marriage before we engage in any form of sex activity. This is in the Bible for crying out loud! (Not sure why Obama is so against it! Jeez Louise!)

YP Steve went into a long story about how you don't want any "Chicken McNugget grease" on your body... as it has been scientifically proven that this "grease" can detrimentally affect the hormones of growing men like myself. It can also lead to clumsiness and blindness.

Anyway, I guess my question is... what should I do?

Konnichiwa!

I am a young Japanese engineer doing my doctoral studies in the California (USA). I am having an finacee back home. But recently fiancee is very upset with me, as I have the relationship with a robot that I programming and engineered over here.

In Japan, it is common for man to have relationship with robot female.

I have develop the robot female which is true companion for dinner date, wine and dine, and walking in hills. She can walk very slowly and like ant. Anyway, it can be said that I have feeling for this robot.

My question is this. I wish to answer my fiancee that the robot relationship is not the true love.

Is this cheating if I have affair with robot?

Domo Arigato!

After his comments today, that is what I think. Do you agree?

Chuck Norris is THE MAN.

My good buddy Bert told me that because of a DNA peculiarity amongst Japanese people, they are not able to feel human emotions. He told me they are like the Akita dog, which, because of the snow conditions and fish diet, must act almost like a robot. Supposedly this is also why so many Japanese men "fall in love" with actual robots.

So A QUESTION... is there any proof that Japanese are able to feel emotions?

I know Obama is down with hip hop and all that... but I am pretty pissed off that during this great depression, that Barack Obama thinks it is wise to use the power of his office to give an executive pardon to Chris Brown.

What the heck???

I am not sure if I should be offended or not. My Pastor constantly talks about Obama as "the magic *****". This seems somewhat offensive, but I cannot be sure. I mean, I guess it could be a complement, maybe he means that Obama has magical abilities to help the economy or something?

My Goodness, what is going on with America? We are NUMBER ONE in the world, and yet we have these moruns on stage winning awards. This one guy named Bill Mayer even said that "Gods" are nonsense. That is an outrage, and he should be banned.

Now we have a known and devout homosexual, Mr. Sean Penn, talking trash against God-fearing Americans. Is this guy for real?!

I have a personal relationship with JC, and I HOPE that Mr. Sean Penn and his homosexual friends can also seek salvation! They are doomed right now!

I am pretty outraged when i read about people "programming" computers. I mean come on. The smartest computer can easily beat the smartest chess player. So how on earth can people 'program' computers which are far more intelligent? totally nuts!

Hello! I am preparing for my missionary detail to the Land of India. I don't know much about Indians other than the Battle of Little Big Horn. But I have been told by Steve, kick-*** Youth Pastor, that most Indians worship a golden cow and a monkey.

Apparently the urine from this cow is drunk for "religious orgy".

Of course that is blasphemy.

Anyway, I need help... WHAT strategies or tactics can I use to convert Indians to Jesus Christ as their personal savior?

I am not looking for any idiotic answers... just help from fellow Christians.

Peace out...

I have been told that people in India worship a monkey. But most of my buddies who do missionary work say that most Indians accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Which is truth?

hi there, at today's sermon, my youth pastor was talking about the 10 commandments. and he went on to say that even the most popular among us are sinners.

by way of example pastor steve said that recently Barack Obama visited President Bush in the white house. After he left, a laptop, color printer, and President Bush's Nike Air sneakers were missing. Supposedly it was caught on camera, but to avoid a big controversy they didn't press charges.

Is this true? Did Obama really try to steal some stuff from the white house? How low can you go...

Hi there from Cold Portland Oregon (SE Brooklyn). It is below zero in Portland which I beleive is a once in a lifetime event. I now it is freezing because I left my Dad's underwear outside and when I went to get it, it was frozen solid as a rock.

Anyway, my question is this. How on earth is the sun still shining when it is so cold?

I now in Alaska when it goes below zero the sun vanishes for the winter because of this. I now that the planet cannot have the sun and ice to see, so I think that it is really peculiar climate in Portland Oregon, maybe something to be studyed for centuries. Anyways, I havent been watchin TV or nothing, just curious why.

Peace out...

I am pretty upset to hear from my youth pastor that Obama has a "slavery reparation" bill. Since the economy is busted due to the Democrat congress, the main feature of this bill is "posychological".

The bill says that henceforth all blacks must be called "Sir" (or "Ma'am") by whites.

That is just crazy. I am really upset about this and I am not happy at all. What do you all think?

Now that the truth is coming out about Barack Obama, and his association with known terrorists, would you trust your kids around him? As we know, he is a Muslim, and, as a Christian nation, that is bad news.

Today he was caught cussing out a camera man in front of his own daughter. Yesterday, he supposedly copped a feel on a female reporter with his wife just feet away.

Is this guy to be trusted as President, let alone around our kids?

Hi there. My youth pastor said that one of the biggest problems with President Obama is that he will make his brother, Obongo Roy Obama, ambassador to Israel.

WHO is Obongo Roy?

I don't know! But why would this be a problem? My youth pastor would not discuss further because he said that he was not allowed to talk about this any more. But he told us to study on Obongo Roy and also about ambassador to Israel. Well, I have no idea how to find this out.

Can you help me understand who this guy is?

As a Christian nation, is it okay for the US to have Obama as president?

I like some of what he said in the speech. But I was upset he did not mention JC in his speech at all.

My youth Pastor says that we are a Christian nation founded by Christians, and it is therefore not acceptable to have a non-believer as a President. He says that Obama's parents took an oath to not believe in God, and that before that they were Muslims. Well, I don't know about all of that, but I do know that Obama is not Christian.

So I wish to ask other Christians out there (if you are not Christian, I don't really care for your answer thanks very much), if I like what Obama might do in regards to health care, is it acceptable for me to vote for him?