senor_oso

Look, I don't give a crap either way. He burns 'em, he burns 'em. It's paper. You can't destroy a belief by burning a book. Conversely, burning a book shouldn't hurt or even insult your belief.

And even if every Koran or Bible in the world was burned, it shouldn't matter, right? You carry those words in your heart, or you're faking it. Do you suppose that churches in New Orleans just decided to give up on being Christian after Katrina? "Oh teh noes, we lost our book thingies. Who was it we used to worship?" C'mon.

Is Terry Jones an asshole? Yes. But so what? Let him be an asshole. Let him burn all the Korans he can find. He will do it. Then it will be done. Nothing will change.

So the actual question is, for the love of pete, can we just let this go now? We seem to have gotten there with the Westboro Baptist Church... can we similarly just let this guy go? Preferably immediately?

So, I wanted a new grill scrubber, because my old one was pretty grotty and also it was too short, so when I'd get the coals going, I'd be trying to scrub the grill with this short little thing and I could start to feel my arm hairs crisping up. Ouch!

What I did was start praying to Jesus just after Thanksgiving. "Dear Lord, please protect our troops and their families, and for all those who have gone to the other place, I pray for their souls as well, and, well, Jesus, if you could see your way through to hooking me up with a new grill scrubber with stiffer bristles and a long handle, I'd be eternally grateful."

Thing is... Jesus did not come through. So finally about a month later or so, I got mad, I prayed to Satan. "Dear Satan, please mess with the faithful, put doubt in their heads when they hear about science and wonder if the Bible is actually supposed to be literal, and wonder just what their God was doing when he put all those fossils in the ground to test their faith and stuff, and also, Satan, I'm seriously looking for a new grill brush with some nice metal bristles and a long handle."

And then, mirable dictu, I got a bitchin' new grill brush with a long handle and stiff metal bristles! Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "obviously Satan came through." But, I got it on CHRISTMAS. Yeah. The birthday of Jesus.

So somebody help me out here: Which deity actually came through?

Is it okay for a man to be gay if the man he's attracted to is Jesus?

I live in LA, and I've eaten some pretty good carnitas. But I'm looking for the absolute BEST carnitas: The kind where they're soft and tender, but fried enough to be crispy on the outside... you know what I'm talking about, or at least I hope you do, and that you can tell me where to get it.

I will also accept recommendations for a place to get good pastor, 'cause that stuff is also really good.

I live near Koreatown but I'll travel miles and miles for good carnitas.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to wonder about this, but I've never heard an answer. I'm entirely serious.

The general assumption about heaven seems to be that your soul goes to heaven as you were - in other words, with your personality intact. I gather that you get to meet the people you knew in life who died before you, as their souls are there as well, assuming they didn't go to hell. So what about those who haven't had time to develop a personality? Are they still an infant personality? Do they instantly develop into a full-grown personality?

I'm not personally a believer, but maybe some of you who are could tell me what you think, or what theologists have decided.

No, I'm not talking about the Federal Communications Commission. I keep seeing 'FCC Mom' and 'FCC Baby' in some documents I'm working on, and I've come up empty trying to find out what it stands for.

I'm wondering if perhaps the Catholic ritual of communion, in which they give you a cracker and tell you that you're eating the flesh of Jesus, stems from a misunderstanding. Maybe someone told them way back when that they should serve Christ, and they took it to mean "Serve Christ...for lunch."

Just throwing it out there.

I've lived in this city all my life and I've seen a lot of what it has to offer. But for the next 5 days or so, I am entirely without obligations - I've got the days off of work, my wife and son are in Chicago. All I have to do is feed our pets.

I've seen a lot of what LA has to offer, and a lot of stuff that you wouldn't normally think is cool. But I seriously doubt I've exhausted the possibilities of this ginormous city. So... what else? What should I go see the next few days? Where should I eat? What, I ask you, ought I to do with myself?

I realize it's misspelled. But also, it makes it sound like I'm the most of something. Not just an atheist, but The Athiest of Them All!

Note: This is a very silly question. Try not to get worked up over it. Smart-alec answers, jokes, and amusing anecdotes cheerfully accepted.

I'm just wondering if maybe they have pearls on them, or if pearl was the actual construction material. Because it seems like it wouldn't be very stable, or secure. I mean why make your gates out of an easily shatterable material, you're just asking for problems, am I right?

On a slightly more serious note, I'm pretty sure there's no mention of the Pearly Gates in the Bible... or is there? If not, does anybody know where the whole "Pearly Gates" thing comes from?

I mean, it says "Evel" right there in his name, so you'd think he's headed for the flames. But on the other hand, we know God totally digs motorcycle stunts. So this could really go either way.

According to this question right here... http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsZnL...

...Jesus never said he was a man and yet we know he was a man. He also never said "I am a prophet" but apparently we somehow know that that was also true. He also never said "I am god" but apparently THAT was true too.

So what else did Jesus fail to mention that he also was? Was Jesus:

- A Red Sox fan? (You'd think he'd be a Padres or Angels fan.)

- Gay?

- Feeling a bit off today?

- A lover of a fine Alfredo sauce?

- Shaken, not stirred?

- A Vaguely Interesting Man Who *Doesn't* Like Dos Equis?

- Just this guy, you know?

- Tired of all the bullshit, dude?

- A charismatic nutbag, about whom people were still making up stories about 75 years later when the gospels were written?

If you happen to know what else Jesus was but didn't mention, please help out and let us know. Thanks.

What I thought I would do is just cut it up (saw). The question is, should I use a hand tool (saw) or see if I can borrow my neighbor's power tool (saw)? Just wondering. Oh hey did you see that? I guess only I was able to observe it in the past tense (saw).

Okay, I was snarky before with the Doritos question.

But honestly, once (in fact, several times) I absolutely, unquestioningly, unconditionally, truly asked for Jesus to come into my heart and change my life. And then I waited. And waited. I begged for Jesus to come into my heart, to change me, to make me understand.

I can't tell you how much I wanted this - I wanted some sort of meaning to my life, a meaning that at that time, I thought only Jesus and God could give me, and so I sat there in my bed in the dark and begged, please, God, please, Jesus, give me a sign, anything at all, I am opening my whole being to you, anything, anything at all, please! I wasn't looking for a thunderbolt, just even a feeling that maybe there *was* something out there bigger than me.

And nothing happened. Nothing at all. No change. Nothing.

So you say that I'd better straighten up and fly right, but what actual evidence can you give me? Anything? Anything at all?

Whatever flavor will be fine, though Cool Ranch is preferable. Or... y'know, whatever. I'm looking for divine snacks. In fact, I'm *praying* for them. If Jesus comes through with some tortilla chips and guacamole, that'll be good too.

I see that this question has come up a few times in the past, though not for a while. Still, my apologies if you've answered this before.

I'm curious as to everybody's answers though - if I'm surprised or startled and I say "Oh my god" or "Jesus!" does that mean that:

A) I actually do believe in god somewhere deep down inside (possibly around the spleen area)

b) I'm blaspheming on purpose

c) They're pervasive expressions of surprise in our culture, it would be more surprising if I *didn't* say them

Conversely, if a Christian says something like that in a similar situation, does it mean anything or does it just indicate belief?

People - multiple people - will often seriously answer the most obviously joking questions. Do that many people just not actually get jokes, or do they feel like "by gumby, this is Yahoo! Answers and I'm gonna darn well Answer," or what?

Just wondering.

I'm having trouble installing a deadbolt on my new gate, because it has to go through both the wood and the iron frame. The screws and the metal thing that turns the lock are too short to go all the way through and connect both sides. So far I'm coming up empty on finding anything designed for this sort of application. Any ideas?

I live in Koreatown, almost (Beverly and Van Ness). However, I don't like Kimchi. So I don't care where the "best" kimchi is. What I want is awesome barbecue and other foods. What Korean restaurant, or even a tiny little hole-in-the-wall place, should I go to? (Just please... somewhere that I don't have to get the kimchi. I'm sorry but I can't take that stuff.)