mr purple

Every time she doesn’t answer my text I get stressed and anxious to the degree I can hardly breath.

My mind is becoming obsessed telling me she might not want me anymore, that this time it might be for real and that I’m about to lose her.

Questioning those thoughts isn’t helpful, I’ve done it many many times.

This obsession and anxiety is a recurring phenomena in my life whenever I meet someone I like, and my stressed behavior usually scares them away.

So I try not to show it, what makes me even more stressed whenever I think I did a wrong move or said the wrong thing and that I’ve scared then away.

I’m in total hell inside my mind.

Would appreciate any contributing thoughts you may have other than going to a therapist, which I’ve been many times before and it was a total waste of time.

So i want to create a program where the user gets questions, one after the other, and based on his answers he will be directed to a tree of questions, and inside this tree of questions there could be more tree’s, based on his input.

And i’ve been learning javascript this past month’s trying to achieve this.

And achieved a nice progress with it in, but the code is getting very very complicated due to the nature of javascript being a loop based language, so i need to create so many rules and conditions so the program will know what question to load and which one to regard. 
And it’s like all the questions are being processed all at the same time, and i need to manipulate what question the user is seeing, although really everything is being rendered recursively where one question renders the next one after the user submits, so it will never leave the main question function.

Unlike a normal programming language, where i could simply call one function at a time, wait for the user to respond, and then call the next function with no issue, no counter or anything like that..

So i’m considering now that javascript may not be the best tool for the job.

Do you agree? can you recommend something else to invest in? i’m open for suggestions.

I thought this would be a simple Q & A program, but it turns out it’s much more difficult.

Thanks.

I figured the reason why I hardly leave my house is because even though I’m lonely, I still experience myself as most valuable when I’m alone, practicing my hobbies and being quite with my thoughts.

And every time I leave my house this is so socially challenging and frustrating for me that I really start to hate myself, feeling like a total loser, socially speaking.

I used to challenge myself socially, forcing myself to participate and initiate communications, but it never works out well for me, I’m just too damn introvert and socially awkward.

Reaching 40 soon desperation about ever finding a relationship is stronger than ever.

I wonder if you got some advice for me?

Am I doomed to get old alone, feeling unloved by the world?

I have this girl I’m obsessed with, especially regarding one event that occurred where she has

slept with someone else while I was dating her.

We’re not dating and she has clarified she’s not interested in me romantically.

This event was 8 month’s ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it.. and it will jump into my head with all kinds of angels and visions as to how he did it, and how was it like for him to sleep with her and I have to know the details and I get all crazy inside, like my mind is crushing..

This really bothers me and it will not go away and ruining my life.

Thoughts?

For example i want to post a question to the user, if he answers "yes" then he will be prompted with the next question, if "no" then a different question.

Is there any user friendly app to help me do that or should i learn code?

It might have been early 90s, or late 80s.

It was a ballad where the guy sings the verse, and the girl the chorus.

I think she complaints about him, "just a little but this.. , just a little bit that..", or something like that.

It might have been country(ish) vibe, and they are both white.

I remember the video clip kinda.. where you see the guy alone .. and then it goes to the girl on the chorus where it picks up the a rythme, and vise versa.

I really hated that song, but i gotta remember what was it?

Thanks.

I don’t mean what things are good/bad, but what good/bad actually represents?

Is good something that supports.. something else? what is it? referring to what goal?

One anticipated answer might be that it is an evolutionary attribute to support life.

But then how come it is socially depended to such a large extent, and personal opinion related many times, not to mention there’s such diss agreement on what equals good and what equals bad.

But that’s not my question, the question is what good and bad are essentially,

When one say - that’s good, what does he mean by that?

Is someone who is contented from the amount of love he has exist?

that he doesn’t want more? or do all people will always want more love from more people?

Is it like an addiction you can never truly fulfill or does it have an end?

Must i meet someone new before i can move on and feel normal?

I don’t have that many friends.. so i’m alone most of the day.

I mostly feel down and bored and lacking energy.

But when i had my ex i was feeling kinda proud and had more energy to work and do stuff.

I do long lonely walks on the beach, i watch movies, i write a lot, i try to participate in Facebook group discussions.

And all the advices i get seem to be that i must meet someone new, must be social and find a way to raise my self esteem from an outside source, meaning receive love from others.

But what can i do that’s not my character? i’m pretty introvert and never had a social thing going on.

Also i never ever meet girls.. and the last one was like.. a rare luck which doubly will happen anytime soon.

So yea.. kinda hate my life right now, that i’m back to square one, only older.

I’m theorizing that we’re built with an inner “game” software, that we need to “achieve” points to win the game.

This is all make belief we do with ourselves, we’ve conditioned ourselves with stories about what worth how many points, and we want to achieve the stuff that we consider to have the most value in terms of those virtual points.

a pretty girl = x points

lots of friends = x points

no friends = y points

money = X points

a compliment = x points

a Facebook like - x points

And also to the negative side, of which stuff that take points from us.. which we consider as “bad”.

What do you say? isn’t this how we actually think inside? and base our desires according?

I ******* hate that and i feel like an addict.

In times i don’t get it my energy is so low and i feel so empty and miserable, and in times i get it then all erased and forgiven, i feel good about myself and i have energy.

Any key pointers?

I seem to need constant confirmations from people, which causes to feel good about myself, which in the absence of it i start to feel like there’s something wrong with me and i feel lousy and like i’m no good.

It feels like an addiction, where i need my fix.. and if i don’t get it a withdrawal symptoms are beginning to appear and getting stronger.

Does anyone have any key pointers about this issue?

Thank you.

I’ve figured something interesting about boredom.

I’ve thought to myself what's so bad about being bored? no harm done if i won’t fight it, so i let it be.

But then it turned out that from slight boredom it transformed into real emotional distress.

As if there’s a mechanism inside me trying to force me to keep change stuff, always be on the move like a slave.

What do you reckon?

I’ve realised there’s only one person i care about which is myself.

I used to think i care about other people, this would drive me to maintain those relationships, which always felt like work in some degree.

Reflecting at what i’ve gained from those relationships are again seem to be how it made me feel about myself.. i just didn’t know how to love myself regardless of getting love from others.

Do you think there’s anything wrong with it?

I’m a good looking guy,

i’m a good guy with many qualities, sense of humour and intelligence.

But I’m still afraid talking to girls.

I blame this for my loneliness and for almost never having a girlfriend.

i can’t believe i’ve come to this age not solving this.

I’ve been on years of different treatments to singularity deal with this lone issue.

I just can’t bare the thought of rejection and nothing seem to help.

The ‘go to’ answer people give is “what's the worst that can happen?”.

Yea i know, nothing right?

I think if i had more loving friends and support in general then that one interaction with a girl wouldn’t matter as much.. but when she holds the hope for salvation from loneliness it just becomes unbearable risk.

I'm afraid the outcome of being rejected i would just want to kill myself.

At this stage i’m open for anything i might haven’t thought about.

Thanks.

I guess that might not be true for everybody, or is it?

Anyway, what might be the reason for it, that someone will start to feel bad after a long time of not communicating with a person?

Is there something that is rising then?

What is it?

Is it like an addiction? that after you don t get your fix for some time then you start to feel withdrawal symptoms?

I m not looking for evolutionary justifications, or answers such as

"this is how we built", or

"cause a human is a social animal",

But i m asking how does it work? what is happening when someone is alone a long period of time?

suppose he would want to test us and give us stupid instructions where the point would be to see if we would deny them, and by that pass the test successfully.

where following those instructions and believing them would be considered as failing the test, or that we would stupidly believe a hear say..a voice from the sky, a book..

so.. how would we know?

In Genesis it said that the god that created the world is Jehovah, why then christians refer to Jesus as "our god"?

Why nobody seriously considers the option that it has always been in some form?

What does the presumption that there must be a beginning based on?

I never see this point being discussed nowhere, at least as an option, it seems everybody are dead sure the universe must have had a beginning and the only question is how?

But maybe not?