dwh

it used to be that first answer got most votes....

i think now sometimes last answer gets the most?

any statisticians confirm my theory?

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and she would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Are you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." She just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

NOW I ASK YOU, IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE,

WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

right through it and then an image resolves into view,,,

it's made of just dots and blank spaces????

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman patient for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told the woman to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks.................................. And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She

watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 40 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?"

"Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 40 years?'"

"I remember that, too." she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says "I would have gotten out today."

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration, the manager hired her.

After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said,

''I told you to give each Elmo two test tickles,

not two testicles!!''

One day a blonde is driving home when she rear-ends a man in his truck. The man stops and yells at her to get out of her car, so she steps out and tries to apologize.

He then draws a circle in the sand and tells her to stand inside and not to step out. He goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, walks over to her car, and smashes in the window.

She begins to giggle, so he looks back at her angrily and tells her to be quiet. Then he starts beating in the hood of her car.

She giggles again, and he turns to her and says, "You're askin' for it, lady!" Then he smashes in her windshield.

By this time the blonde is laughing hysterically, so he looks at her and yells, "What's so funny!?"

She laughs again and replies, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle three times."

a man was in a bad accident and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body...

doctor assured him that with modern medical science, he could be restored, but his insurance wouldn't cover it, as it was 'cosmetic' surgery.

$3500 for small,

$6000 for medium,

$15000 for large.

he called his wife and explained the situation.

doctor came back in and saw the man looking quite sad.

"well, have you decided?'

the man answered...

"she'd rather remodel the kitchen"! ;-(

i will give answer in a few hours

A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"

One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

just like if i buy an external hard drive?

i realize the danger of electric, etc...

i have rewired houses,

but this is just a temporary thing i want to do.

i know circuit breaker 110volt stuff but

not so good with USB ports , etc.

then i retyped it into a word document... i still cant copy/paste to post this joke on yahoo answers???

do i have to type it all over again?

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

A blonde goes to work and sees that one of

her co-workers has a thermos.

She asks him what it does and the fellow

co-worker responds, ''It keeps hot things hot,

and cold things cold'' The blonde was amazed

and when she got home immediately went out

and bought one. The next day she goes to

work and is happy that she has this wonderful

object. The same co-worker realizes she has a

thermos and says, ''What do you have in it?''

she says, ''Soup, and ice cream!''

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were

camping when they ran out of food. The

brunette went out hunting and came back the

next morning with a deer.

How did you get

that? asked the redhead. Well, said the

brunette found the tracks, followed the tracks,

shot the deer. The next night the redhead went

out hunting. The next morning she came back

with a bear.

How did you get that? asked the

blonde. Found the tracks, followed the tracks,

shot the bear, said the redhead. The third night

the blonde went out and the next morning she

came back brusied, bloody, and clothes torn.

What happened said the brunette? The blonde

replied, found the tracks, followed the tracks,

got hit by the train.

teacher said write a short story in as few of words as possible...

but the story has to have

1 mystery...

2 religion...

3 sexuality...

.

and the winner is???

.

good God, i'm pregnant, and i wonder who's the daddy?