wednesday

So I love music, I really do, it is a huge part of my life.

But whenever a band or artist I really like is touring, I never want to see them live, but everyone else I know who likes them goes insane.

I just... I just don't see the point. I can hear them play live on recorded shows. I don't want to go to a loud, crowded place. I don't idolise the band members or artists.

I know this seems like a petty concern but I am curious why I am so different from people who see live bands play all the time.

Mentally and emotionally, what can I expect to feel inside my head?

Who has done this before?

My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he couldn't handle the long-distance. Apparently it was too mentally and emotionally draining not having me around all the time so he just cancelled me out of his life all together. This is what I never understood, if he loved me so much, why couldn't he hold on?

I have met someone who is interested me recently, and he seems interesting... and while it may seem strange to go from a relationship into dating so soon, my issue is the proximity.

Sure, I missed my boyfriend when we were apart, but I could deal with it. I can deal with being alone quite well.

I'm scared of being tied down by the fact that he's always going to be around. He goes to the same college as I do.

I had issues with this when I tried dating someone ages ago, and while I wasn't really into them, what made it worse was how clingy he was and how much of my time he was taking up.

My long-distance boyfriend is the only guy I ever actually loved. I don't know how to deal with all these things right now. I would rather just maintain the long distance. I was planning on moving cities in a few months but that wasn't good enough for him.

What is my issue though? When the guy is closer I feel like I need to escape. There were times when I visited my boyfriend and when he visited me that I felt the need to be alone.

Someone help me figure this out.

Am I right in what I am doing? Am I right in being so afraid of losing myself in a relationship?

So I am in an amazing relationship right now and I couldn't be happier.

But even though everything is great and the guy is actually the best possible guy I have ever met (all the things you would want in a boyfriend, he has, not kidding)

I still feel like I was starting to lose myself in the relationship.

So I took a step back and now I am going on a personal pseudo-psychological things of focusing on very individual things, like music that I listen to but no one else really knows, not listening to his music, reading books that I really relate with and exploring the way I was when I was single and completely autonomous from everything in my life.

I avoid saying 'we' instead of 'I' and I don't do the thing where I talk about 'My boyfriend said this, my boyfriend said that'.

Our relationship is still great but I am just doing this in order to moderate my state of mind because I feel like when we are together, we become the same person and sometimes I feel submissive.

Maybe I feel submissive by association of a bygone gender role?

I am confused.

Basically, am I doing the right thing by mentally re-establishing myself and my persona in my own mind and mentally detaching myself from some superficial elements of the relationship? I feel as though I am mentally preparing for a break-up or yet another identity crisis?

Is this healthy for the relationship?

Or am I setting the stones to damage it with this state of mind? Am I creating a mental state that will show through my subsequent behaviour, ultimately leading to the very thing I am hoping to avoid?

So my relationship is great right now. We have been going out for a year, and even though we're long distance everything is going strong and we are seriously discussing that I end up moving two states over to continue my education over there (since the college over there offers some brilliant options for me) as well as use this as an opportunity to move out of home.

But I also feel like all of this is a big risk. Even though he is very reliable, mature, committed, and extremely caring, and our personalities work together so well...I still feel like I am anticipating things to go wrong anyway.

There may be another girl in the picture, she doesn't seem like a threat now, I am just an anxious person and I do worry about how it might all go wrong, but she is just a friend he hangs out with and that is allowed and nothing to be suspicious of.

He has said countless times to me how he is in our relationship for the long run, and we make lots of trips to see each other. I just worry and think the worst things because I have a history of depression so it causes me to assume negative things a lot. I also fear my somewhat ambivalent and impulsive nature may resurface again. This basically means I might go back to drinking too much or trying an illegal substance or two, like I used to in my spare time once in a blue moon.

I am still being the happy girlfriend and I am not letting this anxiety and unfounded pre-construction of the future show in my behaviour since I want everything to be perfect now, the way it is.

Am I wrong in mentally preparing myself and making an escape plan for if things go terribly wrong? (Having some savings backed up, in case there is a bad breakup, I can get a flight on short notice and spend some time elsewhere to cool off before making any further arrangements)

Also I am doing this psuedo psychological personal thing where I am listening to music that nobody else I know listens to, readings books that I really identify with but he doesnt, exploring ideas and reading things that mainly interest me and focusing exclusively on my hobbies and interests rather than having my playlist or daily interests characterised by reminders of him.

It's strange, he is the perfect guy for me right now and I have never felt so comfortable, so happy and so safe around another person and nobody has ever treated me as well as he has, but I am still preparing myself for the worst.

What is going on with me here?

So I am in a long distance monogamous relationship with a guy who I ended up caring for and loving very much. As aloof as I sound, I find it difficult to become close to people owing to a lot of past issues, so the fact that I am in a relationship is a personal milestone for me.

Recently he has started hanging out with another girl.

There's a chance she likes him, and he mentioned that may be the case, even though she is in a relationship. I just said in response, I tried to be rational, and I said 'Well fair enough. That's not surprising, I mean I like you, don't I?" And I left it at that.

I think he may also be attracted to her.

And they hang out alone sometimes.

I met her and she seemed cold to me, but I was a little shy in getting to know her because I felt threatened and because I felt like there was no conversational leeway.

I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like I am the jealous or possessive type, but I feel it inside of me and I try to fight it but it shows and it hurts to feel this way. I hate these insecurities, I don't even know where they come from, I never even knew I would be like this, and I feel like if anything did happen, I would just shut down and isolate myself from the situation.

Now logically I have no reason to worry. He is one of those good-guy moral types, very sweet and from a very good family, and he seems to value the more traditional and conservative framework for relationships. I just can't get these feelings out of my head.

How do I stop?

I feel like I am slowly relapsing again.

I have struggled with depression for years. Death in the family, losing friends, failing college classes, losing jobs, changes in family, seeing family members change for the worse, feeling alone and having no support, I convinced myself that I should just get used to life alone and I expect to be abandoned and left alone.

Usually I could relapse in isolation. I had very few friends and the ones I did have, I stopped contacting and I isolated myself for months and months at a time.

Then I recovered after taking medication and therapy after I considered suicide.

So that ended and I came back to life like never before after I took meds.

And then my life changed, I started doing things, and I have a lot more friends, I am in charge of some huge community and campus projects and I am also in a relationship now as well, and while I am incredibly happy to have all these things, I feel resentment that I can't just collapse into my own depressing world and isolate myself like I usually do. All I want to do sometimes is never wake up.

I know what I should do. Go to a therapist. Talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it to my boyfriend, he knows everything about my situation, but I don't want him knowing that it gets like this. I would rather hide that from him so he can just live his life happily without someone depressing him all the time. He doesn't know about my suicidal ideation though.

I know what I should do but I just needed to type this up and have some strangers read it.

Maybe someone can respond and relate?

Please only leave an answer if you plan on being somewhat kind and supportive.

I used to have quite an unrelenting crush on a guy friend who did not reciprocate any of that, and I wasn't fazed by this since there was nothing I could do but move on and so I did and that was that.

Then I met my current boyfriend who is an amazing person but the similarities between him and the other guy are astounding. They met actually, and they got along very well. I think it may even be obvious to him that my current partner is quite similar and the assumption may be that that is why I am dating him. It may have started out with me getting along with him so well simply because of his similarities to the other guy, because I share a lot of those tastes too. That is how similar they are with taste in music and shows, sense of humour, hobbies, interests... a lot of it is almost identical.

Is this a bad thing, or an odd or unusual thing?

How do I stay in control after recovering from depression?

I feel like I am slowly relapsing again.

I have struggled with depression for years. Death in the family, losing friends, failing college classes, losing jobs, changes in family, seeing family members change for the worse, feeling alone and having no support, I convinced myself that I should just get used to life alone and I expect to be abandoned and left alone.

Usually I could relapse in isolation. I had very few friends and the ones I did have, I stopped contacting and I isolated myself for months and months at a time.

Then I recovered after taking medication and therapy after I considered suicide.

So that ended and I came back to life like never before after I took meds.

And then my life changed, I started doing things, and I have a lot more friends, I am in charge of some huge community and campus projects and I am also in a relationship now as well, and while I am incredibly happy to have all these things, I feel resentment that I can't just collapse into my own depressing world and isolate myself like I usually do. All I want to do sometimes is never wake up.

I know what I should do. Go to a therapist. Talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it to my boyfriend, he knows everything about my situation, but I don't want him knowing that it gets like this. I would rather hide that from him so he can just live his life happily without someone depressing him all the time. He doesn't know about my suicidal ideation though.

I know what I should do but I just needed to type this up and have some strangers read it.

Maybe someone can respond and relate?

Please only leave an answer if you plan on being somewhat kind and supportive.

I feel like I am slowly relapsing again.

I have struggled with depression for years. Death in the family, losing friends, failing college classes, losing jobs, changes in family, seeing family members change for the worse, feeling alone and having no support, I convinced myself that I should just get used to life alone and I expect to be abandoned and left alone.

Usually I could relapse in isolation. I had very few friends and the ones I did have, I stopped contacting and I isolated myself for months and months at a time.

Then I recovered after taking medication and therapy after I considered suicide.

So that ended and I came back to life like never before after I took meds.

And then my life changed, I started doing things, and I have a lot more friends, I am in charge of some huge community and campus projects and I am also in a relationship now as well, and while I am incredibly happy to have all these things, I feel resentment that I can't just collapse into my own depressing world and isolate myself like I usually do. All I want to do sometimes is never wake up.

I know what I should do. Go to a therapist. Talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it to my boyfriend, he knows everything about my situation, but I don't want him knowing that it gets like this. I would rather hide that from him so he can just live his life happily without someone depressing him all the time. He doesn't know about my suicidal ideation though.

I know what I should do but I just needed to type this up and have some strangers read it.

Maybe someone can respond and relate?

Please only leave an answer if you plan on being somewhat kind and supportive.

See, I don't want to outright say anything to these guys and make everything even more awkward. I am a shy and awkward person and I am scared of situations like this where people are liable to getting hurt, but I love my boyfriend and I only see him as the kind of guy I could date right now.

I also don't want to compromise the friendship I have with the other guys even though they feel friendzoned.

I don't feel this should be my responsibility because it's not really my fault that they like me.

It's two other guys, one is a friend who I hang out with and he seems to be trying to get closer and closer to me and another is someone I will be working with a lot next year on a volunteer program, and he has also made it obvious.

I know this may seem all lovely and dandy, but it's not for someone who is introverted enough as it is and can only handle so much attention from people at a time. Seriously, if I get too much attention or spend too much time with people, my brain starts freaking out.

How do I deal with this?

I am going to be working closely with a group of people and leading the college group in a very busy volunteer organisation and one of the guys on the team, I am pretty sure likes me. He has tried flirting with me repeatedly and constantly tries to get my attention.

I am in an exclusive relationship with someone else who I deeply care for but in the past this colleague has had no reservations about overstepping those boundaries with other people.

He has had a lot of issues working with people in the past and is not very well liked in this organisation. I knew this well ahead of time so my tactic, as the head of my team, was to understand that he would be a difficult component of the team dynamic, so I chose to get on his good side and befriend him outside of a working mind frame, so i could have a psychological advantage over him whenever he would become hard to work with.

But it seems to have worked too well.

Now I feel as though I am dealing with a more sensitive issue.

What are the potential risks here and how do I avoid conflict?

I don't want silly human hormones and emotions compromising what I could be achieving.

Do I have muscle groups that are somehow stronger than normal or what?

I feel like writing an old fashioned letter to someone, but it needs to arrive within one day, no more than two. Will it get there in time?

Knee length pencil skirt.

Would it be too tight?

Especially conservative synagogues?

It says on the site that it is an offense to not report it ASAP.

I didn't. I was distracted, didn't even know I lost it.

What will happen, will they deny me a new pass port?

I am in Australia by the way.

I might be going to a political conference with a student society at my university.

The dress code is formal, but I am not sure what exactly I should wear.

I don't have that many conservative looking businessy clothes, and I know I should dress conservatively.

Also I assume floral dresses are not advisable.

Any ideas?

I feel weird using pet names in a relationship, which is why I never use them, but my boyfriend uses them all the time. I don't mind them being used on me, it's a little weird since I'm usually quite introverted and I'm not used to it.

Do you use them in your relationship?

Or even in friendships?

Does it come naturally to you?

The only time I use pet names is with my actual pets.

So I finally want to get a Twitter, because it's an easier way to keep up to date with news reporters and political figures I'm interested in. It's mostly for educational purposes really.

I avoid social media generally... So I don't know what the thing is with Twitter.

I have a very unique and distinguishable name though, nobody else has this name in my country (I have checked facebook, checked phonebooks, checked my country's national database when i worked the voting polls, and I am the only one)... So I don't like to use my name online for anything, for obvious reasons.

So can I just make something up? Like a fun name related to Doctor Who or something?