The Onigiri

Do you think an individual who believes in God, or a god, is a "better" person than someone who doesn't?

And, if, for example, a Christian committed a serious offense (such as murder or rape), would they be better off morally than an atheist who committed the same offense? This is assuming that said Christian "repents" to his god (or converts to Christianity afterwards) and the atheist regrets his actions. Is the Christian more moral than the atheist in this scenario?

Thanks.

Hey, don't usually ask questions that aren't just hilarious and dripping with Christian fundamentalist satire, but this has been bugging me for a while.

I fail to see any difference between God and some mob boss collecting for protection against the danger he himself has created.

God said that we're all born with sin, he created this problem, then created Hell, the place we'll go to if we don't fix this problem that he says we have. But, guess what, he has a convenient solution/loop hole that you can use to wiggle your way out of eternal damnation! Just believe in him and don't do anything particularly damning, like be gay or murder anyone without having a really good reason.

So, yeah, that bugs me. It's like God is knocking on your door and saying, "believe in me or I'll burn you forever," and passing it off as salvation and his "unconditional" love when you do it, when really unconditional love would be not even having Hell in the first place. Coming down and killing himself and/or his son, somehow, just so you can believe in him a little harder than you were before doesn't scream a "rational, great guy" to me.

For that reason, it amazes me when people can say with a straight face that God loves them, that Jesus was a gift to absolve them of an alleged disease he himself created, and that somehow the guy has no choice but to throw innocent people into the pit even though he's all-powerful and doesn't HAVE to do anything he doesn't want to. (And won't, because to an omnipotent and omniscient guy, every action is deliberate, even sending people, most of which will have never done anything particularly bad in their lives, to Hell.)

Well, there's my rant.

So, tell me, why do you love the Christian God/Jesus so much?

I'm not even going to bother putting the obligatory "some" in my question, because all atheists discriminate against Christians! It's a fact!

It happens everywhere. Good, just Christians are standing on street corners, looking forlornly out at the public park- and do you know what they see? Nothing! Because the atheists removed Jesus and replaced him with their atheist god of nothingness. Think of how many Christians were emotionally hurt when they removed that. It really makes you want to start a Crusade again.

But, worse yet, children are walking around school with nothing to compensate their time except "science" and "practical life skills," while the good, white Christian kids go metaphorically hungry with need for spiritual enlightenment! I'd mention the Jews, but come on- that'd be ridiculous. The point is, atheists need to stop discriminating.

So, atheists, why do you discriminate? Isn't it about time you become like the strawman of the Wizard of OZ and get a brain? Ha, that's great. A strawman.

Look, I know you guys want to be "special" and have the final word on what does and doesn't exist, but you can't! You don't know everything in the universe! Come on, it's not like you're God.

Speaking of which, not one of you knows for sure that God doesn't exist, and despite all the evidence that suggests that Jesus is our lord and savior, you still deny the very real conclusion that God DOES exist in the universe. You're just simple mortals! God is a deity, and you expect him to come down and give you EVIDENCE? Really?

We humble, humble Christians don't need silly things like "evidence" and "plausibility" to have faith. We trust that God made the entire universe as a test for us, because even though God probably has tons of stuff on his plate, like punishing black pagans, he still has time to make sure that we win religious wars and make up large portions of the demographic! Christians are his chosen people, probably. So, in return, it is only natural that we smite the unbeliever! Or, in the very least, make sure they can't get married or have kids, because come on- that'd just be wrong! After all, in a world controlled by the Christian majority, we're really the only ones that matter.

So, we thank you God! You're so much better than Zeus! (Who we are reassured doesn't exist.)

And atheists, for the sake of humanity...

Show a little humility.

Yeah, just wondering what the demographic is here. It's no secret that religion has made an enemy of science, and the two often seem to be in conflict with each other. This leads to some tense conversations, man. It's hard to accept change, I guess.

So, if a scientific study was found to contradict your religious scripture, would you be more inclined to accept the science, or would you stick to your religion?

And as a little side question, do you think religious scripture should be equally represented next to scientific findings in schools or government? Do you believe religious scripture is just as valid as science, or should it be completely disregarded?

Thanks for taking the time to answer this question.

This is starting to get ridiculous!

Look, I know you guys want to go around preaching, saying whatever you want, and hating everyone that isn't exactly like you, but you can't! That's not how my interpretation of Freedom of Speech works! What are you going to do next? Try to enforce a law fueled by your anti-religious views? Who would possibly try to enforce a law that has no logical basis for existing?

I'm starting to think you atheists are only one public Christmas ceremony away from flipping out and causing some kind of civil war! (And I know you guys are best buddies with the Jews. Hanukkah? I don't think so.) How long will this go on before you guys start killing for your disbelief in God? Because, it's not like Christians have ever started long, bloody wars for the sake of getting others to believe in Jesus. We just passive-aggressively pity you. With magic.

So, why do you care, atheists? Is it because you're jealous?

That, I can understand.

For example, say God causes an earthquake, thousands die, but... there, in the rubble, a small, white child is found. Surely that is a sign of God's miracles! Yet you atheists just ignore all the evidence! What kind of person blatantly ignores evidence?

I know what you're going to say, "But, Christian, why would God cause the earthquake in the first place?" Because, sin! One woman has an abortion, and BOOM... tsunami. That's just the way it is. It's not like God ever attacks good, wholesome Christians.

Without God, we'd live in a world plagued by impartial natural disasters. Can you imagine the chaos? Honest, hard-working Christians would have no reason to believe in a god! Super storms wouldn't avoid predominately Christian countries! Politicians would call for a national prayer and NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN...

Oh, it makes me sick just thinking about it.

Thank God we don't live in a world like that, huh?

Hey guys. I haven't done one of these in a while! I've been too busy pretending to be an obnoxious Christian and getting hate-mail from people who don't get the joke. Anyway, just sit back and answer some questions for me. I promise they won't be used for some nefarious purpose.

(The last time I did this one, the atheists were pretty much resigned to saying "No" seven times. If that is the case, you can just indicate that it is a "No" on all of them, or just answer the ones that do apply, instead of having to write it all out. I'm nice and convenient like that.)

--

1.) Do you believe in ghosts? If so, do you believe in Mediums?

2.) Do you believe in a god? Do you have a religious affiliation? If so, what religion?

3.) Do you believe in psychics or people who claim to be able to predict the future?

If so, do you believe in end-of-the-world prophecies?

4.) Do you believe in demons or evil entities?

5.) Do you believe that an advanced, extraterrestrial race of aliens has visited us at some point?

6.) Do you believe that the September 11 attacks were a conspiracy? In other words, are you a "truther?"

Thanks for taking the time to answer these, you beautiful human beings.

Hey, this is a serious question. Weird, I know. Usually I start off saying "heretics this" and "heretics that" and make remark about the bible being passive-aggressively terrible, and no one gets it.

Anyway.

My brother, who is in his twenties, recently became religious. He never was before, and honestly, this is the first time I've ever had a close family member that was Christian. It was sudden, with the whole, "I found God" and everything. Now, I can't even say "Jesus Christ" without him getting upset.

To top it all off, the guy is trying to convince me to go to church with him. When I refused, politely, like the gentleman atheist that I am, he basically said something along the lines of "You won't be happy until you convert, which is inevitable."

It's troubling for me because he's my brother. I have other family members that are religious, but they live far away, and he comes by almost every day. So I don't really know how to react to him trying to convert me. (And, he is very adamant about not accepting that I'm an atheist, will probably be one the rest of my life.)

So, my dearest, atheist brothers, what do you do when confronted with a situation like mine?

That's what's great about God! He's so forgiving, even when dealing with heretical atheists like yourselves.

God truly loves all of his creation, even the ones that don't believe in him. Hell, he even likes the Muslims! That's weird, right? But, he does! Some of you might be saying, "But, Christian, if God really loved us, why would he send us to Hell to burn forever?" probably in that annoying atheist text of yours.

Well, atheist, he does love you! But sometimes a father has to beat his children senseless for hours on end when they don't do exactly as he says. Because he gave you free-will, but only gave you two choices, and one of them is eternal torture! See how caring and loving he is to give you the option of NOT being tortured forever? What a great guy.

So, I really hope you see my way and try to appease the Mob boss that is your God!

God Bless

I can understand the original 10 point deduction when a question is removed due to the possible violation of the Community Guidelines. It is an incentive to not violate the Community Guidelines, a punishment if you will.

However, I strongly disagree with the subsequent 10 point deduction if a user appeals the violation and it is declined. What purpose does it serve if only to make the user NOT want to appeal? If a question or answer is found in violation, I think it is the right of the user to appeal it, and it certainly is the right of the Yahoo! Staff to decline the request...

But why also deduct 10 points? Appealing should not be a violation, even if the appeal is found not to be adequate in explaining or showing that question or answer was falsely reported. To give an example, that's like taking someone to civil court, losing, and then the judge fines you for even bothering to exercise your rights.

So, what is the purpose? And where, if I found it necessary, could I contact the Yahoo! Staff regarding this complaint?

Let's not pretend it isn't true, atheists. Out of ALL the other religions, you always pick fights with us!

Look, I get it. You're jealous of all our power and our good-standing with God. But, can't you start fighting with the Muslims? Or the Jews? I mean, they deserve it for believing in the false religion (or, in the case of the Jews, the wrong section of the true religion.)

You only target us! What did we ever do to you, atheists? All we want is a universally good, moral world that follows the laws of the bible. Kind of like Afghanistan but Christian. We want a world where you don't get to choose which god to believe in, because the right choice was already made for you. We want a world where "science" and "rationality" is taught in private schools! Who would be against that?

I honestly have no idea why you think Christianity is such a menace.

Really, it just boggles the mind.

Come now, I see the way you look at us with those beady little eyes of yours...

You're jealous. Just admit it, atheists. You channel those feelings into hostility against God, like how a child would get angry at an adult for trying to make them learn. You're just angry because us TRUE Americans don't listen to your... "credible sources" and "rational arguments." Don't get me wrong, but it's kind of irritating when I'm trying to use my smart-phone in my air conditioned apartment to tweet about how much I hate science. But that's neither here-nor-there.

Why do you fight the truth, atheists? Wouldn't it be so much easier just to drop the act? I can see that you're struggling with it. I mean, you don't even come up with creative arguments anymore! It's always just the same stuff, over and over. You'd think that if God doesn't really exist, there would be more evidence of his nonexistence piling up. Like finding a seashell on a mountaintop, except that there would be no seashell, just a note saying God isn't real, signed by God.

But even then I'd be pretty skeptical. That's the problem with you atheists.

You just aren't skeptical enough.

I mean, if I was gay, and I'm not saying I am, I'd want to boink every same-gendered person that passed my way, with a riding crop, and plenty of lubricant (no homo). Yeah, I get the whole "I love this gay person and we want to be gay together in a gay house with a gay white, picket fence, and have a gay Cockapoo at our gay wedding, and be together forever... in a homosexual way." Really, I do!

But, think about this for a second, guys. Marriage? Only having sex with one person for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? Why would you want that?! It's not too late. You can save yourselves.

Be free, my gay friends! Be free!

Yeah, I've been hearing a lot of conflicting views lately. So, who exactly goes to Heaven? I'm going to list some people, and you, the wholesome, totally not hypocritical, Christian will tell me if they will go to Heaven, Hell, or whatever afterlife place you guys haven't exactly agreed on.

So, read the below, and decide who's going where.

1.) Common, everyday Christian. Raises children, owns an SUV, goes to church each Sunday, etc.

2.) A Jew.

3.) A Mormon.

4.) A Muslim

5.) Serial killer that converts and becomes a Christian before he's executed.

6.) Muslim children who have been killed in an awful tragedy.

7.) Christian children who have been killed in an awful tragedy.

8.) Children who are too young to be indoctrinated that are killed in an awful tragedy.

9.) Gay Christians

10.) Atheists

Thanks everyone!

Every day us good, wholesome Christians are bombarded with insults for no reason! Not only do atheists go around putting up billboards promoting their heathen lifestyle, they have the audacity to shut down laws that would require a Christian God in public schools (as if we'd even consider for a moment that a child shouldn't be forced into heaven). Stop infringing on our right to infringe on other people!

Eventually they're going to have to agree that I can believe in whatever I want, and I have a right to express those beliefs! Everyone does!

Therefore, atheists should shut up and stop expressing beliefs that are contradictory to my own.

Repent.

...in honor of my Level 6 achievement?

BQ: Boxers or briefs?

It has come to my attention that you guys are really, really bitter towards God. I mean, what did he ever do to you? He gave you life, a home, a family, a one-way trip to torture and humiliation-- well, other than that last part, I don't really see why you hate him.

But, he's merciful! I mean, why else would he provide a place for white, upper-class Christians to reside in never-ending bliss? It's not like he just leaves kids starving in disease ridden huts or lets babies be born without skin or turns the other way when people get cancer or sends innocent people to be burned alive based on their religion, even though this is pretty much determined by your place of origin!

Also-

Actually, on second thought, he's kind of a douche-bag.

My mistake. Carry on.

...calling the FSM "imaginary" and not real? Some people believe in his noodles, and know that He is our Pasta Sauce. I've noticed that many Christians on this site are quick to call Pastafarianism and all the seasonings that it entails, false. I'm sorry, but do you know why we're here? Do you know for a fact? You may say "Christianity proves..." or so on, but even Christians are completely convinced that a higher dinner-dish does exist. You're free to believe what you want to believe, but please, if you're going to say something, at least do some research first. Another note: Christians generally seem to believe that the noodle people are intolerant appetizers who base decisions on false recipes. Yet look at yourselves... time for a reality check I'd say.

Just curious. Do bombs always have those big, noticeable clocks that time-down to the explosion, or is that just Hollywood overcompensating? Is that like a mandatory lesson in the How-To books of every bomb squad? ("Always cut the red wire, because terrorists like to color coordinate.")

Also, I can't help but notice that time seems to slow down when the camera isn't pointed at the bomb. A minute always ends up being about ten while the hero runs to save the girl from her impending death, and then it suddenly skips to ten seconds while he's trying to save her. That doesn't make any sense. He doesn't have training in disarming a bomb. Cutting a random wire is about as useful as punching it and calling its mom fat.

While we're on this topic, what are some other inconsistencies that irritate you about movies?

Thanks everyone.