First Go Free

... told you that 'Only the first go's free', and that the only way he would sleep with you again is if you sent your single friends to sleep with him, and got two bonus goes for each one you fed him, on a scale of 1-10 how good would he have to be at sex for you to start feeding your mates to him instead of just shouting at him and throwing him out of your house...

... told you that 'Only the first go's free', and that the only way he would sleep with you again is if you sent your single friends to sleep with him, and got two bonus goes for each one you fed him, on a scale of 1-10 how good would he have to be at sex for you to start feeding your mates to him instead of just shouting at him and throwing him out of your house...

...If your child's at home on the bedroom floor, and he's hungry, and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money?

... Take close up pictures of her handling your junk, using her feet and giving you a t1t-w@nk... Then putting the pictures on your profile for an 'adult dating' website so the girl on there think your stuff is HUUUUUUUUGE :D

If it's not morally acceptable, why?

PLEASE NOTE - I'm not on any adult dating sites, and I'm TERRIFIED of midgets so wouldn't be able to do that... Hpnest guv'nor :D I'm just bored and asking a funny question, so 10 points to the most amusing answer...

It was kinda like Ghostbusters but REALLY 5hit, and the statue of liberty came to life and it had some of the same actors from Ghostbusters in it?

... and tell EVERY guy they ever sleep with how amazing he is, so I take that with a pinch of a salt...

BUT

If an 'experimental' lesbian looks down at you in shock and says "Oh my god, how did you learn to eat pu55y better than I do", and then gets more shocked when she squirts down your chin and says other girls have only made her do that using their whole hands before...

Am I right to be a little smug about how good I am at oral?

Because I am a little smug... I claim my only three talents are eating pu55y, building joints, and carving an apple into the shape of a swan :D

"My ar5e ain't bleeding"

If you can think of a better set of four words to hear off her, what the hell are they?

... Take close up pictures of her handling your junk, using her feet and giving you a t1t-w@nk... Then putting the pictures on your profile for an 'adult dating' website so the girl on there think your stuff is HUUUUUUUUGE :D

If it's not morally acceptable, why?

PLEASE NOTE - I'm not on any adult dating sites, and I'm TERRIFIED of midgets so wouldn't be able to do that... Hpnest guv'nor :D I'm just bored and asking a funny question, so 10 points to the most amusing answer...

1) God got confused and didn't iknow what he was saying or doing, and actually forgot that he was God for a while

or

2) Travelling through the desert and running out of food and water might make a mortal man have halucinations

I'm just wondering because Jesus was so confused while he was alive that he forgot to tell people he was God, and even said that he couldn't do miracles, God was doing them, and he was just his prophet...

But, he gave Saint Paul (a Roman) that 'being confused story' after coming back as a ghost (even though he wis still alive after being ressurected, he was also dead and a ghost) when Saint Paul was alone in the desert after being seperated from the rest of the convoy that had all the food and water in it... A story, including the first mention of the holy trinity idea, that distanced itself from Judaism (the religion Jesus followed) and made Jesus, God and the holy spirit into a story nearly identical to the (Roman) belief in the trimunative nature of Zeus...

Its just easier to believe to saint paul was making 5hit up to fit in with his own beliefs while hallucintaing than it is to believe God himself was confused and Jesus didn't know what he was talking about while giving his sermons in front of thousands of people, and only remembered when nobody except a Roman could see him as a floating spirit in the middle of the desert...

I'm not looking for insults or snipey comments on the explanation as to why I'm asking the question... Simply respond by typing "1" or "2", that's all I need from you...

Anything else just shows that you know what the answer and are too caught up in your mystical belief in magic to admit that your own story contradicts itself and puts Saint Paul (and by extension all other popes) as more important than you think God actually is himself...

You don't believe in the pope, and you don't belive in the papal bull, am I correct?

I think I might be, because the pope made up the rule that you aren't allowed to marry if you are a priest, and because you don't believe in his ability to change God's laws you stopped following that man-made alteration to God's holy words... That is why all other Christian denominations have ministers that are allowed to marry, I'm still right so far yeah?

See previous popes have changed other things too, contradicting EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS given by God and written in the Bible as actual rules that are a sin to break...

These popes, who you don't believe in, have said that you can ignore these rules now, because if God didn't want you to ignore them he would make the earth open up and swallow the Pope whole (i.e., the papal bull which you also don't believe in)...

As Christians you know this, your minsters of which ever denomination you are know this, but you STILL ignore god's explicit instructions, knowing they were altered by a pope you don't believe in, using a papal bull you don't believe exists...

How is this not a sin?

How can you break God's given rules and stand there saying, God was wrong, I can do that if i like, with a straight face and still turn up to church the next Sunday?

Basically, God says as a man you have to be circumcised (a pope changed that because it 'sounded too Jewish' and might put Romans off converting), that you can never eat pork (Book of Numbers, different pope but same excuse for changing it) and never eat anything with a shell on the outside (i.e. shellfish)...

I know you might like eating pork and lobster, but you KNOW God told you not to do that, it's written in the book of numbers if you don't believe me, and you don't believe that the Pope has the ability to change God's rules and re-write your religion... Are you not being a massive hypocrite for ignoring those rules?

The only Christian denomination that doesn't do this is rastafarianism, following Gods instructions in the bible word for word and ignoring all papal alterations, so is that the the only truly Christian religion that doesn't believe in the pope?

Would you be offended by a straight guy who sleeps around NOT wanting to sleep with you because he 'doesn't do bi-girls no more'?

I'm definitely NOT homophobic, some of my best friends are bi-girls but when I sleep with them it nerver ends well (bi-girls, not my friends, I NEVER sleep with my friends)... Obviously they aren't offended, because they are still my friends, and some have seen the mess I get myself into when I used to do that...

For the record, I've slept with 8 bi-girls, and have had 7 bi-stalkers constantly ringing me with blocked numbers, sitting in thier car outside my house, confronting other girls I'm seeing MONTHS after I stopped seeing them etc, and just don't want it to happen again (technically, the only one who didn't go wierd was a full lesbian who only slept with me dude-wise)...

I'm not gonna change my mind about it, but at the same time I don't want to offend anyone or have them think I'm some sort of homophobic prick cos I'm definitely not... Hell, I even worked in a bar in the village and go out there a lot (And I only pull my gay friend's "***-hags" when I'm there so I can be sure they aren't bi, plus I like ***-hags :D )...

I have a reccuring dream that makes me shout and swear and get angry in my sleep and I have no idea what it actually means...

I dream I'm wearing a pastel coloured suit and a pinny, and I'm married to Lucy out of "I love Lucy" and I'm cooking dinner because my boss is coming round...

Then there is a plague of frogs, and I flip out and get MASSIVELY angry at the frogs... I end up shouting and screaming in my sleep things like "You dirty little froggy ba5tards" "I'm gonna show you motherfcukers, next time I go to Kwik Save I'm buying a heron" and "Aww son of a beatch, they're in the soup, I'm never gonna get that promotion now"...

It happens at least once or twice a month.... I had to convince one woman I was sleeping with that I wasn't racist against French people in the morning...

If you slept with a guy and he gave you a gold medal for being REALLY good at blowies? Not an actual made out of gold medal, but one of those plastic ones that look like a gold medal...

Or would you be more offended if you slept with a guy who you know gives out gold medals, and you didn't get one?

If both God, and Jesus, said that after the bible there would be one last prophet, with one last religion to follow... Why do you think that being a christian when the end of days comes will save you from burning in the fires of hell for being a non-believer...

And also, if you aren't following this new religion, why do you think God and Jesus both lied to you about sending a new religion if you are right about being a christian?

Just really interested to find out.... Because as far as i know you can't really believe in God, AND think he is a liar, AND ignore his instructions, and still consider yourself a true believer who deserves to go to heaven without being a massive hypocrite...

How come I ain't expected to put me hand over me ars-e when I fart?

Don't get me wrong, I like it here and don't want rid of it, but 90 % of the questions fall into a few main catergories, and following these simple and sensible life rules would see people no longer needing to ask them:

1) If you want to know if somebody likes you, you could ask them...

for some strange reason that seems to get you an answer

2) If somebody breaks up with you and says they never want to speak to you, don't speak to them...

Does seem like common sense I know, but apparently not to the untold number of people asking how to make somebody love them again, or asking us to read through a copy of the on-line chat they got dumped in to ask what we think they should do next

3) Don't ever date anyone you meet on-line...

If you do, you spend the whole rest of your life posting questions here about how upset you are because they are on facebook because that's how you two met and it's surely only a matter of time till they dump you for someone else.

4) Don't be shallow and/or jealous of other people...

Then you never need to track down photos of your ex's new lover (like some sort of crazy stalker), post links to them here (technically illegal I think) and ask everyone to compare you to them in a score out of ten, or ask people how pretty you are and whether they would date you

5) Don't time how long it takes people to call, text or otherwise message you back...

If, after a week or so, they haven't got back in touch, then yes, they probably are done with you... If you're counting it in hours or minutes, or it has been ALL DAY (they usually put that in caps like it's shocking) chances are your 14, either actually or emotionally...

6) If you're single, it's because you're single...

Ugly people get laid, wierd people get laid, fat people get laid, bad people get laid... If you're single its not because there is something wrong with you, there might be something MASSIVELY wrong with you but that doesn't stop you getting laid either... You could be a pug-ugly 25 stone neo nazi wife beater with a limp, and still be in a relationship... If you are single, its because you haven't met someone yet, or are so shy and insecure you haven't asked anyone out in your entire life (usually its the second type asking on here)... Plus we've never met you, there could be something wrong with you for all we know, and we can't answer that question just by knowing you've never had a girlfriend or been kissed and your 17...

7) If somone cheats on you and/or beats you up, leave them and never go back...

You should really know to do that without my suggestion or asking it here on answers... Hint for an easy 10 points, if someone asks one of those questions, tell them it'll work out in the end if they love their abusive partner enough, all the asker wants is moral support or sympathy after deciding to put up with that treatment, because how does anybody really need to ask what to do in that situation when it is so obvious... So if everyone else tells them to leave except you, BEST ANSWER...

I think that's enough for now... I may come up with more in the future...

Non Catholic Christians do not believe that the Pope is holy... They do not believe that he is God's specially chosen messanger on Earth, who is able to change and alter laws that are in the Bible as he sees fit...

Basically, they do not believe in the Papal Bull, because if they did they WOULD be Catholics, and being anything else would be a path to eternal damnation in Stan's hellfire for all eternity...

A previous Pope used the papal bull to say priests can't get married, even though God never said that, but as you don't believe in the papal bull protestant minsters can...

A previous Pope said you can't get divorced, but as you don't believe in the papal bull followers of your religions can get divorced without eternal damnation...

Surely, if you don't believe in the Papal Bull, and choose not to follow those man-made changes to God's holy words and instructions, you should live your life by the laws given in the bible, and not ones changed by the current leader of the Catholic church at the time... Therefore you have to admit that ANY changes to God's laws and words made by ANY man (especially the leaders of the Roman Catholic church, as you aren't a Catholic) are not part of your religion and those sinful and prideful alteration that believe men know better than God himself, should ALL be ignored...

I'm just wondering because the Bible says you aren't allowed to eat pork, and the bible says you have to circumcised, and both the bible and Jesus himself said it is a sin to borrow money and pay interest on it, or rent land and property to make profit off it...

Therefore, by the laws of your own religion, you only have two options open to you concerning those points...

1) You either have to stop eating pork, stop using credit cards, and get circumcised, because it was a sin for a previous Pope to alter God's laws and tell you are allowed to do those things now using a get-out clause you don't believe exists...

or

2) Admit that the Pope IS holy, the Papal Bull IS real, and every body has to follow whatever rules he makes and become a Catholic or they're all going to hell...

Discuss...

And please, no diatribes about me going to hell for asking a question you don't know the answer to, or because you like eating Bacon and being nasty to me somehow means you are not ignoring God and knowingly ignoring his commands by still eating it, answer in one of two ways

a) You're right, I'm going to stop eating pork and get rid of this pesky foreskin..

or

b) I think it's okay to ignore GODS EXPLICIT COMMAND to not eat pork and keep my foreskin, and have realised that Catholocism and believing in the Papal Bull is the ONLY path to true salvation...

If it's not one of those answers, you are living your life in sin, and ignoring God's own rules by going along with a an even bigger sin JUST because you like having bacon on your double cheeseburger...

My friend has been possessed by a dead Republican, and the priest doesn't know how to drive the spirit out...

Every time he throws the holy water on him and says "The power of Christ compels you" the spirit replies "it always has, it compels to discriminate against gays and brown people and vote against gun control and health care"

What can I possibly do?????

Some girl who has been posting heatbroken questions over her first crush is now threatening to kill herself once her parents go to sleep because he won't take her back...

Who do I report this to so that yahoo can trace it and send an ambulance round or something so she doesn't die

This is a serious question, there are people taking the piss out of her and telling her to do it and I'm sincerely worried about her...

its on

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Al...

Answer or forward to the relevant place as soon as possible please, I'm really scared for her...

To all those Christians who believe we are living in the end of days, or that the time of them is coming, are you not living in fear yourself???

According to your story books, Jesus said that after him there would be one last prophet sent by God with a new religion, before the end of times came...

Therefore, going by your own rules and your own mythology, if it really IS the end of days, and you're still a Christian, either YOU are going to hell for ignoring Gods new prophet and religion, or it isn't really the end of days at all and you're wrong about everything you believe about the modern world, OR you think Jesus (and through him God himself) was either wrong about their being a new religion, or was blatantly lying to you...

Even using your own made up rules from your own story books, if it is the end of days every Christian on earth will burn in hell for not believing in God's new religion... Or like I said before, God was just lying and/or FCUKing with you for a laugh...

Basically, you're own rules state that you CANNOT possibly believe it is the end of times without admitting that Christianity is finished and you should all be following a newer religion, unless you are arrogant enough to believe that you yourself know better than God does, which is in itself a sin...

Discuss....