slackerface1331

An old man sitting on his porch sees a boy walk by carrying some chicken wire. The old man says "Boy, what do you have there?"

"Chicken wire"

"What are you going you going to do with that?"

"Catch some chickens"

The old man says "Boy, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy says "you'll see!"

Later that day the old man sees the same boy walk by with a box full of chickens. The next day he sees the boy walk by carrying some duct tape.

He says "Boy, where you going with that duct tape?"

Boy says "To catch some ducks."

Old man says "You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"

The boy says "You'll see!"

Later that day the old man sees the boy walk by with a box of ducks. The next day the old man sees the same boy carrying some tree branches.

The old man says "Boy, what do you have there?"

The boy says "Some tree branches from a pussywillow"

The old man says "Hold on let me grab my hat, I'm coming with you!"

A young priest visits an older priest for dinner. While they were eating, the young priest could not help but notice that the old priest had a very young, sexy maid that lived in his house. The old priest noticed the young priest checking out the sexy maid, and he says "I see that you have noticed my maid, I must assure you that our relationship is entirely professional and that I am not sleeping with her." The young priest is not convinced, but he says nothing.

After the young priest leaves, the old priest notices that his silver gravy boat was missing. The next day the old priest sends a letter to the young priest that says "I am not saying that you stole the gravy boat, I am not saying that you didn't steal the gravy boat, but if you have it please return it."

3 couples were in a minister's office looking to be converted to the protestant faith and accepted in his church. The minister says "Ok you can be in if you complete this one act of faith, you have to go two weeks without having sex with each other."

The 3 couples come back 2 weeks later, the minster asks the 1st couple "Did you complete your task?"

The husband says "We've been married 20 years, going without sex for 2 weeks was a piece of cake!"

"Ok you're in"

To the 2nd couple "did you complete your task?"

The husband says "We've been married for 2 years, we had some difficult moments, but we did it"

"Ok you're in"

To the 3rd couple "Did you complete your task?"

The husband says "Well, we've only been married for 2 months, we were doing fine until this morning at breakfast. She dropped her napkin and we both bent over to pick it up, and our eyes met and we were overcome with passion and made love right there on the table."

A Priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on a plane. There was little converstion between them until half way through the trip the priest turns to the rabbi and asks "Rabbi, I have heard that in your faith, it is unholy to eat pork, is that true?" The rabbi says "Yes father it is." There was a moment of silence then the priest says "Did you ever succumb to temptation and taste pork?" The rabbi says "Yes, I am not proud to say that in one of my weaker moments I did taste pork." There is a longer silence then the rabbi asks "Father I have heard that in your faith it is unholy for you to have sex with a women, is this true?" The priest says "Yes it is true." There is a moment of silence and the rabbi asks "Have you ever given in to temptation and slept with a woman?" The priest says "Yes, in one of my weaker moments I did give in to the temptation of the flesh and I slept with a woman." Another moment of silence until the rabbi says "It's a lot better than pork isn't it?"

What's the difference between an epileptic oysterman and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits...

What is the longest pallendrome you know?

A pallendrome is a word or phrase that is spelled the same forward and backward.

Here's mine:

A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

Adam asks g-d "G-d, Eve is amazing! Why did you make her so beautiful?"

G-d answers "So you would love her"

Adam asks "Yea that's great, but why did you make her so dumb?"

"So she would love you"

Remember the part in the Breakfast Club when Judd Nelson is crawling through the ceiling after the principle locks him in a closet? While he's crawling he's telling himself a joke, and before he can say the punchline he falls through the ceiling into the library. I've always wanted to know what the punchline is because the set-up is hysterical! It goes like this, "A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a 3 foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. She sets the salami on the bar, and the bartender says "I guess you won't be needing a drink?" and the blonde says....

then he falls and we never hear the rest. I don't care if you know the actual answer or if you can come up with a good one, it will give me closure.

Remember the part in the Breakfast Club when Judd Nelson is crawling through the ceiling after the principle locks him in a closet? While he's crawling he's telling himself a joke, and before he can say the punchline he falls through the ceiling into the library. I've always wanted to know what the punchline is because the set-up is hysterical! It goes like this, "A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a 3 foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. She sets the salami on the bar, and the bartender says "I guess you won't be needing a drink?" and the blonde says....

then he falls and we never hear the rest. I don't care if you know the actual answer or if you can come up with a good one, it will give me closure.

I sit in traffic alot because of my commute to work, and I am baffled by how traffic moves. It will be stop-and-go one minute, then going the speed limit the next with no reason for the change of pace? What gives?