Melanie Mue

I need a new comforter and, couldn't find the pattern I wanted, so I've been meaning to dye my own for a while. I did so on Friday, and the end results were... disappointing. Now instead of white, it's sorta patchy light blue. Pretty, but not at all what I was aiming for. I very much do not want a bedspread that has large areas of solid light colors, and I definitely don't want any white at all.

The dyes I used probably weren't top-end-of-the-line products, and looking at the tag I see the spread is 100% polyester, which I think isn't so absorbent. Also, the instructions on the dye pack were minimal, and I really don't know anything about dyeing anything at all, except for the occasional "T-shirt Tie Dye Night!!!" sort of things. So I figure I should ask for help this time.

I have very very sensitive skin, and underwear can be sheer agony for me. Even for small seams, I find myself cutting them open with a razor to take out the elastic. I've found *nearly* good enough stuff, but inevitably

a) someone has a real strange definition of "seamless", because if those rows of stitches aren't seams I don't know what the **** is, or

b) I find truely seamless underwear, but it's high cut. I'm not comfortable wearing anything smaller than briefs. Feels too small otherwise. (Seamless boxers would be awesome, but I'm going to be realistic here).

Is there anyone out there who makes actual seamless underwear that's big enough to cover everything up? Or do I have to stick to carving up my Jockeys?

(Please pardon any misspellings, I have low blood sugar at the moment and the cafeteria doesn't open for another half hour).

I need to have the letter below translated into Yiddish- fast!

"Warning,

Do not reply to this e-mail. I repeat, do not reply to this e-mail. This letter was sent to you by a scam artist from Dubai, who calls herself “Stella”. She claims to be an Ethiopian Jew who needs help transferring her money out of the country. This is a complete lie. She is just a scammer who wants to take advantage of Jewish compassion to steal your money.

Right now, she thinks that I am translating her story into Yiddish. She doesn’t realize that I’m sending out a warning to her victims. Whatever you do, don’t let her know that this letter says she’s a fake. Do not reply to her. Just delete this e-mail, and remember that legitimate charity cases do not contact random strangers over the internet. Save your tzedaka money for a genuine cause.

Remember, delete this e-mail and don’t send any money to

Stella"

I read that when you get a phishing e-mail, you're supposed to contact the organization that is being impersonated. But I can't find any place on the Yahoo website to foward the e-mail to.

I'm finally old enough to vote (hurray!) As a registered independant, I figured that I'd wait till the primaries were over, then look up the two winners and see who I like better. But now I've just found out that I can still vote in the primaries. Problem is, I still don't know anything about the candidates, and now I've got to figure out the policies of all five thousand at once.

There are about five jillion candidates on both sides, and I can't keep track of who they are, let alone their policies. I would like make my decision based on rational analysis of the candidates' platforms, but first I need to figure out what those platforms are.

So I'm trying to find a nonpartisan website that lists all the candidates' policies, in an easy-to-understand format. A checklist or something simple like that would be good.

(I'm NOT asking for recommendations on who specifically to vote for, so please keep your heartfelt feelings about Hillary /Obama /McCain /whoever to yourselves).

We've all heard of arachnophobia and claustrophobia, but what is the technical term for a deathly fear of spider webs? (Not a fear of the spiders themselves; just the webs). I've searched high and low, and come up blank. If you don't know the exact answer, but have tips on how to find out, I'd appreciate that, too.

I can't figure it out. I've tried HTML, but it doesn't work.

Hopefully, it won't be Greek to you.

We all know American English and English English are very different. One says truck, the other says lorrie. One writes p-r-o-g-r-a-m, the other adds a few letters to make p-r-o-g-r-a-m-m-e.

And of course, they both have words with no cross-Atlantic equivalent.

Well, it's high-time we shared. Americans, which handy Britishism would you like to adopt? Brits, which Amercianism would you like to import?

My personal choice would be "moggie". In America, we have no one word for a non-pedrigreed cat. This may not bother you, but I'm an obsessive cat-lover, and calling the kitties "mutts" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

And while I was over in the U.K. fetching "moggie", I'd stop and take home "Pull the other one, it has bells on". I mean, really, it's such a delighfully weird phrase. Miles better than "Yeah, right".

I have to write a story for creative-writing class that takes place on a train, and I don't have the faintest what it's like. What is travel by long-distance train like in general? How do you get from car to car? What is the sleeping car like? Is there a specific time for sleeping and eating?

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Also, what would excessively living in the past be called?

I know it's there somewhere- I have successfully pollinated two flowers- but I just can't find it! I mean, it says in my bio textbook that there should be a large, sticky area on the top of the [can't remember whether it's pistol or stamen; it's the female part of the plant]. Is it microscopic?

Also- the plants I've pollinated have grown fleshy, three-lobed lumps. I'm assuming these are the fruits, but I wouldn't know.