J R

A while back, I befriended this girl online who was having issues with this guy she was dating. This guy was a crossdresser who also wanted to have a sexual encounter with a transsexual woman. Since I am technically a crossdresser (I identify more as gender variant or genderqueer), I talked to her about some of the complexities and issues crossdressers and other transgender identified people can have.

We became good friends, and we made it a point to visit each other. Her roommate developed a major crush on me. I found that interesting because my friend told me that her roommate gave her hell for dating a "closeted homo freak", but didn't have a clue about me (I was dressed completely gender normative around her roommate). Long story short, I ended up having sex with her roommate, who made it crystal clear to me that she quite enjoyed the sex we had. Instead of feeling guilty about having that secret, it actually made me feel kind of good that I served some good poetic justice to her.

While this girl to the best of my knowledge doesn't know about me, this experience has made me want to seek out girls who harbor prejudiced attitudes towards men who are crossdressers, genderqueer, or otherwise have a noticeable level of feminity. Not because I want to show them that they can enjoy being with a man who is like this, but as a way of spiting them and saying, "F*ck you, because you just did, and you can't take it back."

I know that I shouldn't be like this, but a part of me wants to do this because I know I can now. I spent two decades of my life trying to be the macho man that society told me girls would like. During the last three years, I've been more open about myself, although I have caught a lot of hell from girls about it. For some reason, it just makes me feel good in a way to be able to have that kind of power. I guess it's my way of showing them the kind of pain I feel on a consistent basis.

After tuning into the men's figure skating, I can't help but feel that Johnny Weir got underscored. While his performance probably wasn't quite enough to propel him to a gold or silver, he easily deserved the bronze or at least fourth place rather than the sixth place he got. His performance was phenomenal and he really poured all he had into it. Despite this, he received a lower score than somebody who really fumbled his performance.

I personally think that Weir was underscored not necessarily for his perceived sexual orientation but for his highly feminine gender expression and unwillingness to be more open about his sexuality, which of course has created a whole bunch of controversy. The reason why I say this is because there have been openly gay Olympians who have competed and even won medals, such as Matthew Mitcham. However, Mitcham more or less conformed to the notions of being male and masculine (and was openly gay) so big deal. I can understand why Weir doesn't want to talk about his orientation. Regardless of what it is, his femininity alone is something that acted as a black mark against him and his revealing his sexual orientation would put him through a lot of torment either way. If he came out as gay, he would be non-stop harassed by the gay community for portraying a so-called "negative stereotype" about gay men. If he said he was straight, there would be non-stop tormenting him for being a liar.

Bottom line is that I feel that it is reprehensible that any man, regardless of sexual orientation, should be undervalued because he has a noticeable feminine nature and wishes to express it. Weir was unfairly devalued in his performance because of this. I would like to know if anybody agrees with me and has anything more to add.

Note: I personally think Weir is likely gay, but it wouldn't be a big deal if he turned out to be straight. Bottom line is that his sexual orientation and unconventional gender expression shouldn't have mattered, yet it did.

I am moving back to Seattle soon and I intend to use an online dating site such as True or Match as a way of finding women to date, with my ultimate goal of finding someone I can have a meaningful relationship with. I fully intend to come out to them about my transgender nature at the right time, but I don't want to mention anything that expresses or implies that on my profile. I know all too well that doing so will kill my chances with all but the most open-minded women. I would however want to figure out the right things to say in my profile that will attract a woman who will have the potential of accepting me for who I am, given that I come out to them in the right way of course. My profile will of course include all the essentials, including recent pictures of myself in a gender normative way (which I still often do as a manner of dress). I am also easy on the eyes so that part isn't an issue. If anybody has suggestions, I am all ears. I would particularly like to hear from women, especially those who have knowingly dated or been in a relationship with a crossdresser and at least saw it as a non-issue; as well as other men who identify as crossdresser, transvestite, genderqueer, etc. and have been successful with traditional online dating sites.

If you answer, please keep in mind:

- I will NOT use any dating sites geared towards crossdressers or the larger transgender community.

- I am ultimately looking for a woman who I can have a meaningful long-term relationship with and will be accepting of me. I see no issue with dating around until the right one comes along though.

- When and if the timing is right, I will come out to them in a tasteful way and will work with them on getting used to that fact.

- Keep your answers thoughtful and respectful. I can stomach a nay-saying opinion, but there's no reason it has to be based on ignorance and hate.

As a man who has been somewhat out as a crossdresser for a while (although I recently began identifying more as transgender and genderqueer), I have often told skeptical people I've met that many crossdressers don't always show off their feminine nature and many will agressively pursue many masculine jobs and activities. For example, I'm a military veteran and have done my share of many other "manly" pursiuts. I've heard of plenty of other crossdressers do the same or similar things. Yet many chose not to believe me. When I ran across this, I was even surprised:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2009/10/11/cag...

http://entertainment.stv.tv/tv/137705-katie-prices...

http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2009/11/08/exc...

I have heard of crossdressers being all sorts of professions, but never an MMA cage fighter. I have to say that even though Alex Reid is obviously tough, the fact that he is now out as a crossdresser is surreal. I can't say that I'm a fan of some of the celebrity excesses that Reid has, but his crossdressing is not an antic; he's the real deal. I think it's awesome that his girlfriend Katie Price (once again, I'm not a fan of her celebrity excesses either) is completely accepting. I also think it's very unfortunate that even he has been the subject of extreme hostility, including death threats because of the "shame" he brought to the cage fighting sport.

Clearly not every crossdresser is like Reid, but I hope this helps in debunking some of the myths and stereotypes about crossdressers and other males who are transgendered to whatever degree. Let me know what you think.

I want to dress up as Louis XIV for Halloween. If anybody knows where I can find such a costume online or knows how I can piece together such a costume, I would greatly appreciate it.

I've been somewhat out about being a crossdresser for about a year and a half now, although to more gender savy people I identify as transgender because it's so much more than the clothes. Even though I know I'm only into women, I don't mind too much when people ask me about my sexual orientation because it gives me a chance to teach them that sexual orientation and gender identity/expression are two separate issues. However, it really crawls under my skin when I get the types who are so assured that any man who dresses or acts in a feminine way is either gay, bi, or very sexually confused. It's like they have insecurities about who I am as a person and try to make them like they're my own, and it's namely women who do this. Such happened the other night. This woman grilled me for several minutes about being confused about my orientation, trying to tell me how she is so much more enlightened being from Vancouver where being gay is perfectly acceptable, how she's never met a straight crossdresser, and so on. When I objected, she took that as "proof". What I would like to do is to find constructive ways of using examples of stereotypes of sex and gender to make my point. If anybody has any suggestions, I'm all ears.

I am writing a book right now where one of the characters is a transsexual woman. I have a decent grasp on transsexual and transgender issues, but there are a couple of questions I would like to ask as a way of helping me develop this character a little more.

For my first question, I want to know for trans parents who have biological children of their own, what kind of parental pronouns the children use for them. I know this can vary from parent to parent who is trans, but hearing a what is out there will help me a lot in figuring out what to use for my character. While I'm namely interested in the pronouns used for a MTF parent, hearing how FTM biological parents are referred to would also be helpful.

My second question is namely directed towards post-op transsexual women. I know that after sex reassignment surgery, a transsexual woman no longer produces testosterone in their bodies and in a way is at a hormonal disadvantage to natal women. I was wondering if it's possible for a transsexual woman to opt to have enough testosterone in their hormone therapy to put them at a level comparable with natal women, and if is possible if any transwomen do this.

The reason why I'm asking these is because the character in my book is a parent (one child the traditional way and the other though sperm stored before she transitioned) , does triathlons and other competitive sport competitions, and has a tough time coping with not being as strong as she used to be.

Any thoughtful answers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

As many people within the transgender community are aware of, Virginia Prince died a few days ago at age 96. Prince was one of the more prominent and controversial figures within the trans community. She was loved, hated, and sometimes both.

As a crossdresser, I have a lot of mixed feelings about her. On one hand, I do commend her for having the courage to live life how she wanted and how she helped crossdressers form a community in a time where crossdressing or any perception of it was illegal in many places. She also made a lot of positive contributions in how the general public saw the trans community.

Transgender was a term originally coined by Prince to describe somebody like her who lived full time as the opposite sex without making permanent medical changes (a concept that Prince all but violated). Many in the HBS camp detest the shift in denotation to include them in the tern transgender, as I'm sure that Prince equally detested them being included.

However, I can't ignore her blatant prejudices, the riffs she helped perpetuate in the trans community, and most of all her hyprocracies. As much as she contributed positively to the trans community, there was also a lot of negative aspects:

-For one, she was a complete homophobe and ensured that Tri-ess, the group that caters to heterosexual crossdressers, excluded bisexual and gay crossdressers. If you were found to be gay or bi, you were booted. However, she adored the attention she got from male admirers and even flirted with them. It has also been rumored but never confirmed that Prince had sexual relations with men.

-She blasted transsexuals up and made many ignorant comments about them, particularly anything to do with surgery. Prince also ensured that any transsexual was excluded from Tri-ess. Yet Prince did take hormones (prescribed by no less than Harry Benjammin himself), had electrolysis and breast augmentation. Physically, there was little if any difference between her and a pre-op or non-op transsexual.

-Argued that there is no sexual aspect for a "true crossdresser" while being a major fan of she-male porn.

-Had a very mysoginistic view of women and expected members of Tri-ess to behave in an outmoded and sexist "lady-like" way. Tri-ess was supposed to help crossdressers develop their feminine selves as a compliment to their masculine selves, but Prince lived full-time as a woman for over 40 years.

-There are many others.

While many people in the trans community would argue that Prince was the darling of crossdressers, I would have to disagree. While I acknowledge her place in trans history and hopes she rests in true peace, I don't look up to her as a role mode and I most certainly have nothing to do with Tri-ess. I know she would have problems with me since I only like to have a tasteful feminine look (without cleavage or modifying my voice) but keeping my male identity intact regardless of how I dress.

I am a straight crossdresser who can't see myself transitioning or living full time as a woman. However, I don't see anything wrong with bi or gay crossdressers. Having met a number of MTF and FTM transsexuals in real life, I know that they do have a complete mismatch between their bodies and minds and that medically transitioning is the proper course for them given that they go through the proper steps. I also don't see anything wrong with being any other "in-between" trans identity, such as a genderqueer, androgynus, transgenderist, etc. So long as those people are true to who they are, accepting of others, not hyprocrites, and all around good people, they are a-ok in my book.

I hope the trans community can look upon Prince and her life in general as lessons learned as well as what and what not to do. I would like to hear from other trans-identified people in terms of their opinions towards Prince and how the trans community can move beyond the prejudiced attitudes that Prince and many others had or still have. All are welcome to answer, including those from the HBS camp who see transsexuality as distinct and separate from being transgender. All I ask is that everybody gives answers that are thoughtful, tasteful, and respectful of those who have different opinions. Constructive criticisms are welcome, but please don't display a "holier than thou" attitude. I know this is a long question, but please read all of it before answering.

While I tend to be left leaning in my political views, I have no issue with those who are conservative. I have friends and family who are conservative and I have few conservative beliefs. However, when I ran across conservapedia, I can't possibly see how anybody, conservatives included, can take that site seriously. Granted, no news or information source will ever be free of any kind of bias. I don't mind news with a conservative view either, so long as they are basing their view off factual information. But this site is loaded with socially conservative right wing propaganda. Some of the stuff on there is outright lies. I can't see any value out of it other than to go on there for a dose of laughter.

I'm a guy who crossdresses and I am quite fond of pantyhose, tights, stockings, etc. I was at a Macys store in the Seattle area and noticed that the hosiery section was moved from being near cosmetics and womens shoes to being right next to the mens underwear department. It is no secret that men why buy for themselves make up a considerable portion of hosiery customers. It makes me wonder if this was purely coincidental or if it was strategic planning on the part of Macys to boost their hosiery sales. What do you think?

This is a question I've been pondering for a while now, based on my personal experience with not only some of the answers I see on Yahoo Answers, but in real life as well.

I am a crossdresser/transvestite. While I rarely dress up fully as a woman, I often dress in female clothes because I enjoy the "feminine" expression it gives me. Like most crossdressers, I am male identified, heterosexual, still like being a man and my masculine qualities, and have a very good dating life.

For a while now I've been involved in a transgender support group where all transgendered identities and expressions are welcomed and supported, from crossdressing to androgyny to genderqueer to transexualism and everywhere in between. The facilitators of the support group I attend are MTF and FTM transsexuals, both fully transitioned, and have been extremely welcoming and supportive of not just me but everybody else who was came to the meetings. While this isn't always the case, I have seen a lot of division and factioning among the transgendered community on Yahoo Answers, other internet pages, and in real life as well.

One of biggest divsions I've seen is how many transsexuals will try to draw a sharp distinction between themselves and the rest of the trans community, some going as far as saying that transsexuals are not part of the transgendered community. I have also seen that some have extreme hostility towards crossdressers/transvestites in particular. I am not letting fellow crossdressers/transvestites off the hook either, because I have seen just as many hostile and divisive comments made by them towards transsexuals and the rest of the trans community as well.

Case in point is an answer recently posted dealing with how God views transgendered issues. While there were a lot of diverse answers on there, one transwoman used Deuteronomy 22:5 as a way of implying that crossdressing/trasvestism is sinful but other evidence in the Bible that being a transsexual isn't. One other transwoman went as far as blasting every other person with a transgender identity but a transsexual who is earnestly seeking SRS as an abomination to God. Of course they are entitled to their opinions, but it disheartens me to see all of this. As a Christian myself, I am well aware of Deuteronomy 22:5 in particular as well as a slew of other passages that can be used for and against transgender issues. I also know that taking a legalistic approach to the Mosiac laws, not just Deuteronomy 22:5, is largely impractical. Otherwise, every woman who wears jeans would be considered a sinner because they were originally a mans garment, just as much of a man wearing a skirt (even though skirts were at one time a very acceptable male garmet). The same goes for a person wearing a cotton/rayon shirt would be a sinner because the Deuteronomy also decries wearing clothing of mixed fabrics as a sin. You can see the question and answers here:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjjIw...

Anyway, back to my point. I tend to follow the concept of that transgender, and gender identity in general, is a broad spectrum that covers a wide range of gender identities/expressions and is by no means a "one size fits all" or you're either a male gender or female gender and no in-between. Even in cisgendered people, every women has masculine qualities to her just as a man will have some feminine qualities. This is supported by the APA as well as many other mental health professionals.

I believe that gender identity is hard-wired into each and every one of us. Most of the time it's a good match. In the case of transsexuals, it is such as mismatch that there is a need to medically transition for a better quality of life. In other people, their gender identity can be more shades of gray and color to where it leads one to gravitate towards an expression that is more or less different from their birth sex but they don't feel the need to transition. Of course I realize that every transgender identity has issues that are unique to itself, and every person with gender identity issues is going to be different from the next.

What I would love to see is for trans people to start seeing some of the common features and struggles each trans person has and to get past what identity is more the right way, medically verified, God-accepted, etc. United we stand and divided we fall.

I would like to hear opinions from anybody with a transgender identity or who is familiar with trans issues on how the trans community can come together and focus more on our common traits, struggles, and interests rather than the differences that cause division and hostility. While I don't consider any thoughful answer to be right or wrong, I intend to give the best answer to somebody who has the best idea of how the trans community can move past all the infighting amongst each other and come together as a diverse an

It happened last night at the local LGBT friendly/alternative bar. A girl I've been really cool with for a long time and I liked saw me crossdressed. She didn't take it too well. She went wide eyed and when I attempted to approach her to explain what was going on, she walked the other way. Obviously I have no control over whether she likes me too, especially now, but I at least still want to be buddies with her like before. While it is a possibility I just have to move on and forget about it if she doesn't want to associate with me anymore, I want to at least make a decent attempt. Does anybody have any suggestions how I can at least try to salvage this? A woman's perspective would be the most helpful.

I've been seeing this one lady for a while. We hit it off pretty well the first time we met. We hung out a couple weeks later, enjoyed each other's company, and have been dating ever since. I am smitten with her. She's very pretty, educated, amazing moral base, and has things going for her. Of course an underlying fear of mine is if things get more serious between us, I will have to tell her about me being a crossdresser. I say fear because she very much a Christian, which makes me unsure of how she'll react if we get serious to the point where I have to tell her (I typically don't tell girls that I'm merely dating). Despite her beliefs, she is very accepting of other people, but I know from experience that doesn't equate to being accepting of that in a romantic interest. I'm Christian too, but obviously no hyprocrite of the good old Deuteronomy 22:5 passage, or a lot of other restrictive OT passages for that matter.

I'm very suspicious that she already knows, and honestly wouldn't be surprised if she does. I say that first off because of my drunken birthday incident where I accidentally outed myself, which could have very easily gotten back to her given the small community I'm currently living in. I know that she has asked about me to a few other people, so it is a good possibility. Second, we had some pictures of us taken. I forgot that I had some pictures of me crossdressed in my camera still, but she started scrolling through my camera after the pics were taken and stumbled upon them. I was able to snatch up my camera before she got a good look. She wanted to see the pictures, and I told her no because they were pictures I didn't think were appropriate for her to see. Not a lie, but not revealing what I considered unnecessary information. She promised me she wouldn't be judgmental, and emphasized the judgmental part, but I didn't waver. She also did her nails later on and made a casual joke that she could do mine too. I played that one off well as I told her she could do my nails if she wanted, knowing that being hostile to the idea can be a giveaway. She has also made other comments that could imply she already knows, like when she borrowed some shorts and a shirt from me when we went on a road trip and thanked me for letting me wear my guy clothing and how I didn't feel uncomfortable with it. She also asked me if I thought one of my buddies was attractive to where I would hook up with him. Of course that answer is no. There have also been subtle questions she asked as a way of probing my sexual orientation.

So there is a good possibility she already knows, or I'm just being paranoid about the issue. If I was asked point blank, I wouldn't lie, but she hasn't asked me that, at least not yet. Whatever the case might be, she still wants to keep seeing me. I just don't know what to think of the issue. Does she know for certain? If she knows, what does she think about it? If things get more serious between us and I have to tell her, how will she react? I don't want to lose her over that potential issue, but what's a guy in my place to do?

All input is welcome, especially from other crossdressers or women who've dated a crossdresser. FYI, I like a lot of the clothes but I don't go for a full female look.

I often ask myself this question because I am a crossdresser, which does fall under the transgender umbrella, and an honorably discharged military veteran. I served my full enlistment and wasn't discharged for being a crossdresser, although having to supress that in the military was rough at times. I'm going back to school under the GI Bill, have an active American Legion membership, and at least for right now the VA is my only source of health care. While I'm glad my enlistment is over, I am proud to have answered the call to duty and served my country.

I know that there has been quite a few gender variant folks (crossdressers/transvestities, androgynous, transsexuals, genderqueer, etc.) who have served in the military. I know one of the facilitators of a gender support group I occasionally go to is a trans veteran, but she is in her early 50's. There is also the Transgendered American Veterans Association (TAVA), but the group seems to be comprised of much older vets, very much like the VFW or American Legion. I would just like to know if there are other young vets out there who identify as transgendered and served honorably like I did (or discharged because they were transgendered). If you are one or know somebody who has, do speak up. I'd just like to know that I'm far from the only one.

While I've been a crossdresser for as long as I can remember, I've only recently been accepting of that and have ventured out here and there. I like the extra fashion freedom, but don't take it to the level of trying to look like I'm a woman.

Anyway, I've had a few women tell me that I have some of the most gorgeous legs ever. I shrugged it off at first as mere humor, but whenever I went out crossdressed, I would almost always have some ladies tell me the exact same thing, and they seemed almost jealous. This included a tall, leggy, and gorgeous woman who looked like she could have easily been a model. The scary part is they might be right. My legs do look more like they belong more on a woman than they do a guys. If you want to see, I have a couple pictures on my Flickr page:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/29797690@N04/

So my question is how is this possible? Even though I do crossdress, I always held the belief that women have the more "feminine" features. The rest of my body is most assuredly male.

For a while now, I've been a semi-open crossdresser. I identified as male and liked to wear womens clothes, but only rarely did full drag. I'm not sure this is the case anymore.

I've hid this for a long time, mostly because of shame and fear, but I've had frequent occurances of autogynephilia (sexually aroused over the thought of being a woman). This weekend, I had a major aphiny. I felt like I HAVE to find a way of living at least part time as a female, and not just a man who crossdresses, and able to completely pass as female at least on looks.

Here's a few tricky things. First off, I abhor the thought of losing my penis and the ability to present myself as a man at least if need be, so SRS is out of the question. Second off, I am only attracted to genetic women. The funny thing is that being fully crossdressed only intensifies my attraction to women. The thought of sex with another man completely alien to me, even if I was completely passable as a female.

I'm a heterosexual crossdresser and I'm planning a trip to Vegas at the end of summer, around mid-September. I don't gamble much and I'm more into the entertainment, nightlife, of course shopping, and maybe some strip club action. I know that in Vegas that most anything goes and there's something for everybody, but I was curious if there were any good mainstream entertainment and nightlife places to go to that are crossdresser friendly. Also, any hotels and possible casinos suggestions.

FYI, I do more of an androgynous than a full en femme look as I like the clothing more than looking and acting feminine. Think David Bowie with a skirt and some heels on rather than Ru Paul. If anybody is in the know about crossdressing in Vegas, do let me know. Please, no bigoted responses.

Me and my girlfriend recently amiciably broke up, and no, me being a crossdresser was not the cause. Now I have zero problems meeting and dating women. Case in point: I already have three very beautiful ladies who I met on Saturday night who want to meet up with me again. I always tell them about my crossdressing when the time is right, and always when I feel things getting more serious between. However, I've found that like playing with a loaded gun. Some will run for the hills, some will tolerate it, and some will be cool with it like my last girlfriend. I've never dated a woman yet who actually enjoyed it. I'm a realist in the fact that I know women who enjoy dating a crossdresser are an extreme minority. If anybody who is in the know and has some tips of increasing the odds of finding the right girl for me, do let me know. I live in Western Washington with Seattle and Vancouver B.C. easily accessible if that helps.

I had the good fortune of being chosen as a delegate to the next convention level process for the democratic presidential nomination (county/state legislative district level). I know that they want to see that people who identify themselves as LGBT chosen as delegates if at all possible. I am a crossdresser (100% hetrosexual), so I know that I technically qualify because its a transgendered behavior. The big thing is that it's more of a enjoyable hobby rather than a serious 24/7 lifestyle thing for me and I identify as a man. As such, I don't want to be somebody who is trying to make a loud and obnoxious statement or trying to detract from other LGBT folks who have severly struggled to get recognized as a legit political force. I didn't say anything when nominated from my precint. Should the convention folks at least know for statistical purposes, even if its anonymous?

I'm going to a drag show tonight where even the audience dresses in drag. As a guy who likes to crossdress once in a while, it's great to go to a show where that kind of thing is not only expected but encouraged. I got all of my clothes picked out, but I have no clue on how to do makeup. In the past when going out in drag, I always enlisted help from girlfriends or other female friends. If you know what to buy without spending the big bucks, I would like to hear from you. Thanks.