Thémis

I am a European woman (white girl) married to an Indian guy (from the south). My husband and I have been together for 4 years, and we have been married a little bit more than one year. We love each other very much and never have had problems before.

A few months back, we moved to India, to his parent's. The idea was for us to find jobs and settle there. The first month, all was going good, I was liking it very much, I was getting used to things and integrating slowly. We seemed to be on a good path. His family is wonderful, very accepting, they have no problem with me being white, and being and atheist (they are strong orthodox believers), they are truly fantastic people. I have met no negative reaction to my presence and everybody is very welcoming.

Then my husband's brother decided to get married, it's an arranged marriage with a girl met online in December and the marriage scheduled not even a month later. Since then it's been chaos, the house has been in renovation, they are all frantic about that marriage and I'm like a hair in the soup.

Since that point, things have been going from bad to worse. I'm crying often, I fight with my husband 3 or 4 times a week (while in the 4 years we have been together before that I can count our fights on the fingers of one hand), I am really homesick, everything annoys me, irritates me or makes me sad. Even details that should not matter send me into fits of rage. Every night, I dream of meeting a snake and every night I beg him to bite me and kill me, and every night the snakes refuses, saying I'm not worth him wasting his precious venom on the likes of me. I love my husband very much, and that is the only thing that stops me from ending my life.

And I don't even know why... they are all really great to me but I am not happy. The city we live in is very religious, there are crosses and jesuses everywhere and I feel under attack, I want to burn every single cross I see. They speak in malayalam all the time and I don't understand a word. There is no malayalam classes for foreigners, no decent book to learn from, no online resources. They promised they would teach me but they don't, so I still don't understand a word and I feel lost. We had plenty of plans for me to adapt here (taking driving lessons, learning the language, getting a decent bed, fixing the shower so it has hot water, visiting the city, getting acquainted with shops, learning how to buy things and where, how to use the bus system, etc) but everything stopped the moment the marriage was announced, and ever since I feel like I will never fit.

Tonight for the first time we considered divorce. I want to go back home to Europe badly, I am pretty sure my husband would not like it there or would not find a job anyway, and if I leave chances are I won't come back because I really would not want to step another foot in this country if ever I can get out of it. We don't have children (thankfully), only two cats.

Please understand that I love my husband very much, that he loves me unconditionally too, and I wanted for this to work. Separation would leave us both broken hearted. I'd appreciate suggestions and comments from the yahoo users, even harsh ones. Should I go home, divorce and try to forget about my husband although it would break my heart ? Should I try to stay here and risk to cross the threshold that will make me desperate enough to commit suicide ?

Any suggestion appreciated.

I'm having a bit of a problem.

My cats have always been fed Orijen and have thrived on it. It's a dry food yes, but the cats have a pet fountain, that they use a lot, so they are drinking enough, and Orijen is a premium food. I have tried about a year ago Nature's Variety frozen raw which they did accept for a few weeks, but then they stopped eating it, and I gave up. So, they are Orijen fans.

Now, about a month ago, we moved to India, and Orijen is not available there. Actually there is no decent cat food brand here. At all. The only stuff available is the crap (W**** and the likes). So that is a no no. I can't import the Orijen because it's illegal so I'm stuck, but I thought it's not too bad because fresh food is available and cheap here, so the cats would get to eat much better stuff. Only, they won't.

So for the last month, I have tried to convince the cats to eat their new food, which is : fresh fish (I mean fish that has been caught on the morning, bought from the fishermen) of all kinds (we are close to both lake and sea so we get fresh sea fishes and fresh freshwater fishes both), fresh chicken (I mean chicken that was basically running around in the garden 10 minutes before), fresh beef (I'm in the only province of India where cows are not worshiped and can actually be killed for eating purpose). I've tried everything.

Nope.

They got fresh tuna and won't eat it, fresh sardine and won't eat it, fresh chicken and won't touch it. We clean the bowl and replace the fresh fish they haven't eaten by another kind of fresh meat they won't eat every day, to no avail. I am running out of the cat food that I have taken with me when moving (illegally as well, but I was lucky, customs didn't see it) and I will soon be out of option.

I tried to make a stand, no Orijen for 3 days, only fish and meat, and the cats have not eaten for 3 days.

Any suggestion would be welcome, apart from "buy the crap stuff".

Thanks in advance

I am a Ph. D. student in the writing process. My advisor was a very nice and very good professor. However, since I'd say 2 years ago, he has progressively shown more and more illogical and irrational behaviour. I have to suffer consequences from this now and I do not know what to do.

If I submit a report, he will sometimes ask me to modify it, and when I submit the report again, he will point at the modification he asked for, say it is incorrect, and ask me to correct it, which is actually putting it back the way it was before. Other times if I give him a report, he will say it is fine, and then several weeks later he will say it's full of mistakes after all. He constantly forgets things, big ones, like an entire project we are working on, for instance !

There has been weirder things. I won a prize and the announcement for that was to be at a party in a bar. Apparently, my advisor tried to make this a surprise for me and enlisted the help of my co-workers to make me go in that bar. He knows I am terribly agoraphobic and crowds make me panic, yet he really pushed me hard to go in that bar. I did, but after 45 minutes (25 of which were spent locked up in a toilet cubicle) I really could not stand it any more and I left, thus missing the announcement anyway. That was a horrible experience to me, and very cruel to put me trough that, yet he is not a cruel man.

I had some analysis to do on a sample and did not have the necessary material to do this in our lab. While on internship in another lab, I got an opportunity to do these analysis there, so I asked my advisor the send me the samples. He refused. This deprived us both of at least 3 scientific papers that my CV really needed, and that he should have been wanting too. When I asked him why he refused, he told me that our collaborator refused to send the samples and he could not send them without his authorisation. However, our collaborator not only accepted to send the samples, but he also offered to pay the DHL bill to do that.

Deprived of these papers, my CV is now lacking for credentials and this has already damaged my carrier a lot. I do not know if I will get the necessary post-doctorat fellowship to pursue my carrier, just because I do not have enough papers, and that is because of him.

Some additional samples were given to us by another collaborator. My advisor gave these samples to study to another student, when this is actually my Ph. D. subject. When I asked him why he gave my research to someone else, he told me that it was not the same subject, which it it (it is the exact same sample I was studying). I got really really pissed and went to the dean, which said that my boss is the boss, and is therefore entitled to do what he wants, including giving my Ph. D. research subject to someone else in our own group if he wants to, that I have to concentrate on writing my thesis and finish, and nothing else.

The thing is, I do not believe my advisor to be evil or anything. I think that when he gave that subject to the other student, he forgot I had been working on it for 3 years. I think when he refused to send me that samples, he genuinely believed our collaborator had refused.

His quite erratic behaviour is consistent with someone under influence. I suspect he might be taking medication with huge side effects, and that his judgement is clouded by it. I think his decisions and behaviour depends on his medication blood level at the time and this is quite scary.

If I knew the name of his doctor, I would convey my worries to him, but I do not. This is a personal matter and I do not want to intrude into his privacy, but I am concerned both for him, for me, and for the other students in the research group, especially the new ones who will have to live with an unstable advisor for 3 or 4 years. I will be out of here in 3 months, so it's not that much for me as it is for others.

I do not know what to do. I am quite concerned. He is a lonely man with no family, quite old, and he had health problems before, although nobody knows exactly what (I suspect either cancer or AIDS). I think he is not aware of what is happening to him and that he would not be open to a conversation regarding this subject. I do not know any of his friends or anything, and the other people in the department don't care, or refuse to get involved in order to respect his privacy.

I also wish to respect his privacy, but I think he is in danger and he is putting other people in danger as well.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

This is weird...

We have a foster female here that just had a litter of 6, a bit less than 2 months ago. The latest kitten finally accepted to eat normal food 3 days ago, so we have an appointment to spay her next Monday.

Problem is : she just started, she is in heat ! She's been trying to rape our poor neutered cat for the whole day, and 10 minutes ago, he finally got what was asked of him and started humping her. I was not expecting that...

I know the lady cannot get pregnant (fortunately) since he is neutered, but what am I supposed to do until next Monday ? I don't have the logistics to separate them. They've been at it 3 times already... Any advice ?

This is disturbing...

My foster cat gave birth to a litter of 6. They are now 5 weeks old.

2 weeks ago, I noticed one kitten that had only one open eye, so I kept a close watch on that kitty. A few days later the second eye was still only half open and I saw a clear yellow (beige) mucus in there, so I started cleaning the eye twice daily.

I'm using a Q-tip, that I drown in artificial tears (I wear contact lenses so I have plenty), then I stretch the lid open, I gently wipe the corner to get the mucus, and all the mucus comes at once. I then clean the border of the pauper the same way. Then I pour a generous quantity of artificial tears in the eye.

After cleaning, the kitten eye is much more open, and the kitten wobbles about eagerly. But a few hours later the eye is closed again, the lids sealed together by crusts and mucus. And then I clean again...

The kitten does not seem in pain at any point, although having only one eye seems bothersome. He.she doesn't like the cleaning process that much, but comes snuggling on my laps right after it so I guess it's not that bad.

The other kittens don't have the problem. 4 of them have perfectly clean eyes, 1 has sometimes light crusts on the sides of the eyelids, that I clean as well, maybe once every 3 or 4 days, but no mucus.

Any idea what this discharge might be and how to treat it other than cleaning ? The vet is not an option, I foster within a private initiative (a group of people trying to save some cats that dwell around a group of farms).

My foster cat gave birth to a litter of 6. They are now 5 weeks old. All of them are using their litter box (small with small edges, right next to mama's big litter box with big edges) for peeing. They don't poop in it yet (mama still licks that), except one.

But... one or two of the kittens prefer to pee on the carpet in front of the litter box. If I put them inside the litter box they pee there, if I put them in front of the litter box, they climb in the litter box and pee there. If I do not do anything, sometimes they'll go in the litter box all by themselves, and sometimes, they turn around on the carpet, miaw miserably and pee on the carpet, almost in front of the box. It's as if they can't find the way, which is absurd the thing is right in front of them, ready for use (nobody in there).

The litter box is always clean, and they have no problem whatsoever climbing on the sofa, so it's not a problem related to climbing in the box.

I've tried covering the carpet with aluminium foil, and the kitten in that case peed on the closest clothy surface available (=my slippers, that were right next to the carpet).

Any idea why they would do that and how to correct that behaviour ? I'm using World's Best Cat Litter, which all the cats seem to like. The ones who pee on the carpet most particularly like to dig in the litter. I'm puzzled.

I foster two cats with problematic diarrhea history. We think the original cause of the diarrhea was a parasite (Giardia suspected, or Tritrichomonas). Then, once the parasite was gone (if Giardia it is gone, if Tritri then no), diarrhea continued because of an inflammation in the intestine (due to the lenght of the diarrhea : 11 weeks for one cat, 3 weeks for the other one). That's what the vet said. All we have is a fecal analysis that is negative to a regular test and that was performed after the cat was treated for every single parasite under the sun (except Tritri), but the cat still had diarrhea when the analysis was done.

After telling to the vet "hell no" for the third time when he suggested yet again that I switch the cat to Hill's Prescription I/D or Z/D, or Purina Vet special whatever for intestines, after refusing the cortisone as well, and having the vet tell me that there was no other solution than metronidazole from times to times and keep on the Fortiflora (which the cat's been on since we started treating heavily for the parasite), I got fed up and stopped everything the vet gave me.

The moment I stopped the Fortiflora, the diarrhea stopped in one cat (the 11 week diarrhea one) and was dramatically reduced in the other. Could both cats be allergic to Fortiflora, or the animal digest in it ? That seems weird to me, but Fortiflora is the only time they ever ate animal digest (they come from the wild). They were esentially eating human garbage and some preys before they got to me, so I do not see how they could be allergic to anything else...

I tought Fortiflora, despite being a Purina product, was supposed to be good. Anybody got a bad experience with it ?

I have two foster cats with chronic diarrhea and there is not end to it.

Kitty number 1 is 7 months old, has had diarrhea on and off since I got him as a savage beast (at 5 months), puked ascarids, was brought to vet, treated with Selamectin (Revolution), vaccinated (FRCP + Leukemia + Rabies), then treated with milbemycin oxime and praziquantel (Milbemax).

Then Kitty, a.k.a. snipsnipkitty, got adopted (at 6 months), so I assumed diarrhea was going to stop after the treatment run its course, said goodbye to him and I accepted to foster Kitty number 2 a.k.a. preggykitty.

Then snipsnipkitty came back (after 2 weeks) because the adoptive family had "allergies". Turned out snipsnipkitty still had diarrhea, that it was getting worse and smelling awful.

However, preggykitty was due at an unknown date and I wanted to avoid her getting knocked up again, so I promptly got snipsnipkitty... snipsniped.

Then preggykitty started having diarrhea as well... Same stuff : smells horrible, cow-pie like, or totally liquid, but no blood in it that I can see. Both cats had poo sticking in their fur, on their paws, and were putting poo all over my appartment.

Got both kitties to vet, were treated both with selamectin (Revolution), fenbendazole (Panacur), both got FortiFlora (intestine "good" bacteria). Then snipsnipkitty also got Metronidazole (preggykitty can't because still pregnant despite being due approximately last week, guess approximation was not that good).

Nope... still diarrhea. To be fair, snipsnipkitty had 2 poops that were half-formed (for 8 liquidy ones). Other than that, no change whatsoever, except cats are getting careful near the litterbox and do their best to avoid putting poo on themselves.

They are both fed luxury stuff : Orijen (dry : 17% carbs) and Merricks (canned : 3%, 5%, or 8% depending on flavour). This is more digestible than the so-called "ultra-digestible" stuffs from Hills (I/D is 24% in wet or 26% in dry), and than Purina (DM is 13% so yeah a little less than Orijen but more than Merricks). Orijen and Merrick's are both grain-free, by-product-free, never outsourced, made with local products (Canada for Orijen, USA for Merricks), blahblahblah; 80% meat for Orijen and so on and so forth. This is top quality, organic, holistic food. I can't do better, I do not have the facilities to make raw food by myself, and frozen raw is too expensive for me. And I absolutely refuse to buy corn-filled crap just because it's sold by the vet.

I add that I had 4 other kitties come in contact with snipsnipkitty, eating the same stuff, sharing the same litterbox, and nobody is sick. I clean the litterbox (litter is World's Best, corn-based, they don't eat it, but I can't take the risk of having them swallow clay, plus kitten to be born soon, so corn it is) 10 to 15 times a day, I change the litter and clean the bow regularly, I cleaned the whole apartment and washed all blankets and fabrics more times that I care to count, I gave cats baths so many times they are afraid of the bathroom door now.

Both cats are fine, really, they eat like ogres, drink incredible amounts of water (they love the fountain, I clean it twice a week btw and there is a charcoal filter in it). snipsnipkitty plays all the time, preggykitty seems content and happy although she is way too pregnant to be active, she especially enjoys the twice daily combing sessions. Indeed they are perfectly healthy, except for the diarrhea.

Cats are getting bored with getting showers (altough they have been very supportive about it), and I am getting bored with giving it to them though... Plus I won't be able to shower preggykitty once she delivers. I currently run after them when they get out of the litterbox to wipe or clean their butts and avoid for them to lick and swallow their poop, but I can't do that 24/7 unfortunately.

snipsnipkitty has such a huge vet bill coming with him than I have no idea how I will manage to get him adopted, and I won't be able to find families for the babies and preggykitty if I can't get rid of the diarrhea. I paid the vet bill as an advance, and I am at the maximum of what I can do financially, I can't afford to go to vet again for those foster cats.

I am almost certain this is some kind of parasite, but the vet said it's impossible to do a test with stool that liquid, and all the standard stuffs should have been eradicated by one of the medication the cat already got.

So : Revolution, Milbemax, Panacur, FortiFlora, Metronidazole. All failed. Diet failed too. Anybody has a suggestion ? It would be very much appreciated.