AliceInWonderland

I remember being told that some emperor (I think Nero or Ceasar) would dress as a woman and kill his citizens at night. Who was it?

I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, PTSD, and BPD, but I think I may have schizophrenia. Here is why:

1. I hear somebody talking to me, I ask people near me "pardon?" or "what?" or "did you say something?" and people always act weird and say no or look at me funny.

2. I hear somebody calling my name outside, but when I go outside, nobody is there.

3. Everyone is always looking at me, but when I look at them they look away before I can catch them, but I can always see them staring at me in my peripheral vision.

4. Objects, especially pictures, will move, change shape, etc. It will look like pictures are actually slow movies, (eg. an framed picture of a grass field will look like the grass is growing, shrinking, or blowing in the wind).

5. I sometimes think I am trapped, similarly to people in The Matrix movies. Either to trap my mind by evil or people recording what I see and hear in order to steal secrets from my subconscious.

6. I think cameras are watching me, I cover up my camera lenses and put duct tape over my webcam and phone camera, but I still think they could be hidden in my room.

7. I feel like I am the only real person in the world, I can't seem to connect with anyone, I feel so alone no matter how many people are near me or talking to me.

8. I am awkward. I have had several people ask me, "where are you from? your accent is weird." When I have lived within 50 miles of the place I grew up in my whole life. People say i walk funny and ask "did you hurt your leg?" when I am physically fine.

9. Any time somebody laughs, I 'know' they are laughing at me. Anytime somebody whispers to another person, I 'know' they are talking about me. I feel everything I do is meticulously analyzed and scrutinized by everyone around me.

10. My hygiene has.... admittedly declined. Throughout before age 17, I never went more than a few months without a haircut. In the last two years I had one. My fingernails are longer than they have ever been, I don't bathe regularly, and I hardly ever wash my clothes. Im not proud of any of this, this whole list to be honest...

11. I have virtually no contact with others besides those in my house, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my group therapy (Dialectical Therapy group). The last time I have actually gone out of my way to meet with a friend was in august, over 9 months ago... damn it sounds a lot longer than it feels. I just have no desire to.

12. I dropped out of university a year ago because I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't kill myself, since I would either be manic and believing I was the next president, throw money at people, etc or be depressed and believe that no matter what happens, life will never be good again and I should kill myself. I can't hold a job for similar reasons.

13. I can't start anything... I mean anything. I have had over two months to fill out SSI forms that I just don't have the ability to do.

14. I don't enjoy things I used to love. I mean, I was addicted to videogames, loved every second I could get playing. Now I will have to force myself to start one up, I press all the right buttons, my character makes all the right moves, but I just feel nothing.

15. I've been using stimulants lately in order to get my ability to be captivated by activities, which was otherwise impossible. (I know it contributes, but I would rather be a coked-up lunatic that can enjoy things than a sober mental patient that rides the edge of suicide).

Anyway, so there ya go. I am on anti-psychotics and have counseling, psychiatry, and therapy groups fyi. I don't have the ability to examine these symptoms objectively since they are so close to me. Thank you in advance, if you believe in a god, god bless. If you don't, then go eat some chocolate or do whatever makes you happy.

If somebody goes through stages of not believing in Jesus and of believing him and accepting him, will they go to Heaven or Hell?

3 examples:

1. A person who lives to age 30 not believing, believes in Jesus and accepts Jesus for 1 year, then lives 30 more years of not believing and dies. Do they go to Heaven or Hell?

2. A person lives 30 years believing and accepting Jesus, does not believe in Jesus for 1 year, then lives 30 more years believing and accepting Jesus and dies. Heaven or Hell?

3. A person who believes and accepts Jesus on every even year and doesnt believe in Jesus on every odd year. Heaven or Hell?

I was baptized when I was born and baptized again around age 10. However, around that time I started having serious doubts about Christianity and religion in general. At around 13 I stopped believing in any religion all together and started actively debating against those who were religious (for many motives, none sinister). I've been diagnosed with many major mental illnesses such as Bi-polar and Borderline Personality. I still don't believe any sort of being can be simultaneously omnipotent, omniscient, and be good (things attributed to the god of the bible). So not only do I not believe that God exists, I do not think it is possible that God could exist. I know quite a bit about Christianity (raised in a Christian family and my major in college had quite a bit to do with Christianity), but I need a view other than my own. I believe that creating good is the most important thing in the universe, though I know I don't get any points for that, haha.

I'm just wondering, if I died as of this instance, with what I said above being true, according to the teachings of the Christian Bible and/or Catholic Church, will I go to heaven, hell, or purgatory?

Thanks in advance, have a great one!

http://i.imgur.com/kFaWWFJ.jpg

Came out overnight a couple days ago, I tried to pop it, but all it did is bleed. Fairly sore to the touch. Between my eyebrows.

Thanks in advance!

I think I may be going even more insane. I have been diagnosed with Bi Polar 1, PTSD, and BPD and am currently 19. Recently though, at a few different nights, I have been able to hear a radio station as though it was being beamed into my head. Sometimes its talk radio, sometimes its songs, sometimes its commercials. I also hear people calling my name at night even though nobody is here. Im not stupid though, I know this isn't normal, but I don't think it isn't real either, I mean, the radio station is very clear and when people call my name, I can hear them well. I think I am trapped in this universe and it is fake, like the matrix. Except I am plugged into a machine and I can hear people call my name because they are trying to wake me up since I am stuck in the machine and I can hear the radio because people turn on a radio in the real world. I really believe that this may be what is going on, and that this world just made up that it means I am going insane to keep me trapped here. I have a therapist and psychiatrist, but I have only told them about me thinking the world is fake, not about the radio and what not. What does this sound like to you? What should I do?

I'm 19, my life has been getting worse and worse ever since I was born. PTSD due to my dad beating me and my brother up. I was getting 4.0's and graduated with high honors with my AA at the age of 17. About this time, the bi polar started kicking in. I had several suicide attempts and several stays in psych wards. I had to drop out of university because my bi polar made it so some days I couldnt get out of bed, and other days I blew off class because I was trying to become president of the united states. I have been living with my mom for the last year or so, and she is evicting me, I tried to get a job, but with the bi polar, I cant keep it. I am taking meds but they aint doing enough. Im ganna end up pan handling the day I get kicked out so I can rent a motel room. What do I put on my sign? Using my mom's computer and internet for this haha, so answer quick, as once Im evicted I cant read your answers haha. I was thinking of putting "Bi-Polar, PTSD, BPD, kicking me while Im down"

I dont know, what do you guys think? Im trying to get DSHS to help and SSI, but thats ganna take months.

Thanks in advance, I really do appreciate your help, you are ganna help a person to not be living under an overpass, and its freaking cold this month.

http://i.imgur.com/Ybv0rC7.jpg

Comments/Critique/Compliments appreciated!

Info: This is my painting I submitted for my painting class finals. It was mandatory we had a light source, but I decided I would test myself and add glass and water in to it, so what do yall think?

Thanks in advance!

After a night of alcohol and drug use I believed I either breathed in or swallowed 2 of 3 pieces of metal which made up fingernail clippers. The clipper part (I have) and the part you push on and the part that keep them together I believed I either inhaled or swallowed. Every time I breath it feels weird, like somebody is pushing against my chest.

So did I swallow the pieces or breath them in? What should I do, go to the doc or let them pass or what?

Here it is: http://i.imgur.com/h3lVGS0.jpg

Sorry for the terrible quality! I am pretty dang poor right now, this was taken with my dumbphone camera haha.

Short story: Just enrolled in a painting class this fall. First painting I've done.

Long story: After trouble dealing with PTSD, Bi Polar, depression, etc, I dropped out of university at the tail end of my third year. Its been getting bad, but art has always helped me get through the day (usually taking pictures or drawing) and I've always wanted to paint so I enrolled at my local community college (needed to pass the time anyway). I really enjoy it, we use acrylics so it is easy to manage. Anyway, first time even going to this sub-reddit. Thought I would post something and then look around.

Have a great day everyone!

I've grown out my hair pretty long and its getting unmanageable. I am thinking since i have a clean slate for pretty much any style, that I may just tell the hairdresser to do what she thinks will look best (one that doesn't know me). Is this a good or bad idea? I figure she is around it more than anyone and will know what will look best with my head/face/etc. Good idea or bad idea? Should I ask for something else?

Im trying to find a weezer song I heard the other day. In it, the singer says words in a high pitch voice and it sounds like "na naaaa nana nana nana nana, na na" and then he does the same rythm with different words and a low tone "na naaa nana nana nana nana, na na" and then I think he goes "na naaaa na". Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Thanks in advance!

I am 19 and I currently live with my mother who does not get very much income (20k a year at most) and she takes care of me and my little brother.

I cannot get a job because of my depression, bp, PTSD. I just don't have any energy at all and am consumed by suicidal thinking every day and I believe if I had a job I would kill myself. I can hardly go to my therapy appointments and can do nothing else, it just takes too much energy.

With the PTSD I cannot sleep, I have nightmares multiple times a night and get about an hour of sleep at a time. I have no energy to do anything. I feel terrible about myself, no matter what I am just a terrible person, I don't do anything in life and am just trapped here. I can't concentrate on anything. Every day I think about suicide a lot. I have lost social contact with almost all of my friends.

I may take two classes at my local community college (painting and advanced drawing) late in the day, just to try and get my mind off of suicide.

I am worried about getting thrown out of my house by my mom since she is having a lot of trouble supporting my little brother, her, and myself.

Do I apply for Social Security? I have so much anxiety over this. I mean I would literally rather shoot myself in the head then try to go to work, I just couldn't take it. I am worried that because I live with my mom that I can't get social security, especially since I am only 19 and may be going to school this fall.

Thanks in advance, I appreciate it.

I'm 19. I have extreme depression, bi polar, and PTSD. For the last 5-7 years I have been severely affected by depression. The last year I have even been more severely affected by bi polar and PTSD. I have had to quit school and have been living at home for the last 5 months. I have been continuously treated with heavy medication and therapy, sometimes been hospitalized due to it. I have been struggling daily with suicide.

I have no idea what to do about a job. I can't live with my mom forever. I can't get a job either, I literally just don't have what it takes to even go to a workplace, trying just brings me too close to suicide.

What do I do once I have to leave my mom's house? What do I do after I lose her healthcare benefits for my medication and therapy/psychiatry?

My future is looking really bad, and this is just bringing me even closer to suicide. If it wasn't for my little brother I would have been dead long ago.

Thank you in advance for your help, I appreciate it.

I love sci fi, Matrix, BSG, Equilibrium, Dark City, Etc. Somebody said I would like Lost. Then I think somebody spoiled the ending for me. Will I still like it?

Last night I had a dream and there were two cats that were identical in every way. They even moved the same. They were weaving in between a fence (weaving between fence posts) at a house I lived in when I was a child. What does this mean?

Every once and a while, I'll pick something up and it seems very very very small compared to what I remember it being. Not only when picking things up back just noticing things in general seem to be of very different size then I remember. I was wondering why this might be. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, severe depression, and bi polar 1.

Aunt has schizophrenia. My father may have it, though I don't see him much around anymore. Kind of worrying this may be the onset of schizophrenia, especially with the bi polar traits going on in the background.

Thank you in advance!

I've been dealing with depression/bi polar/anxiety/suicide for the past 5 years. Its just been getting worse. The only reasons I have had to live is my family and my future. My dad beat me and my little brother a lot and so I have no reason to live for him, especially since I hate him and he can never see me or my little brother again. My mom has just been getting tired of me since I am 19 and still live at home. She can hardly stand me. My little brother is becoming a terrible person. He is popular but he is becoming like our father and he is at the point where me trying to influence him just makes him hate me. I used to want to get my Ph.D, but I am one year away from my BA and I have no desire to go to school anymore and I will never get another job again, it just kills me inside.

Every day I think about killing myself, these last weeks nothing comes to mind that goes "oh, keep living for this." I know you all will say live for my future (everyone says I will become something great because of my IQ), but I don't want to ever get a job, it would just kill me inside even more. I am a decent writer and visual artist, but I don't want to live at all, let alone an "artist's life". I know its easy to say "live for your family" but its come to the point where none of my family means much and they all have come to terms with me being suicidal, they have seen it coming for a while and know its ganna happpen.

I've had several therapists, and they have all pretty much quit on me. I go in there for an hour a couple times a week, they ask me questions to determine how suicidal I am, and then I just sit there and they just say the same things over and over, I can't even have an intellectual conversation with any of them, I know what they are ganna say.

I have tried lots of meds, some help more than others. I've changed my life around a lot as per suggestions from a few therapists, I figured I had nothing to lose if I was ganna kill myself anyway, but it didn't help. Exercising a lot just made me want to drive my car off a cliff on my way there and back home.

I don't know what to do anymore.

A lot. About 160+ pages at least. They are extremely depressing. I want to publish them into a book. Make some people feel and maybe make a buck or two while I am at it. I don't know, what would I do to start this?

And now suddenly Im a terrible person. Thats what everyone is saying.

I had to quite college because of my bipolar 1 (practically insane), severe depression, existential crisis. I am intellectual and knowledgeable, but this doesn't mean anything, I feel terrible, and I have Socratic Wisdom up the wazoo so I don't have any self esteem.

Just because I know I have no self esteem doesnt help my self esteem.

So I want to kill myself. My family doesnt want me to, my little brother would be devastated. I just can't stand life.

I'm still intellectual and act exactly the same and interact with my family. I'm not addicted, I use every once and a while to try to pass the days.

I am just trying to make the days go by until I die.

I am getting help for my other problems, but I am not going to tell my therapist, or I'd be put in an asylum again.