olivia

She wants me to become a doctor. After I told her i wanted to become a neuropsychologist, she said "there's no point in studying if you're just gonna do a psychology course" because it's 'easy', but i still need the same score to get into a good one as i would to be a doctor (I told her this, she doesn't care).

Now she is like "you don't need to study anymore, just clean the house from now on",

"all my time working for your study has gone to waste",

"I suffered so much for you because i thought you would be a doctor, but if it's just for psychology then there was no point!",

"if you're that stupid then stop wasting your time studying because you won't get anywhere"

She just keeps repeating and repeating these things to me, whenever she is in a bad mood.

How do i deal with this?? I want to yell at her

I thought about it last night. I wanted to cry because I haven't been able to in so long, but i ended up not being able to again - all i could do was get my eyes watery, and it just doesn't go past that point anymore.

But anyway, i was thinking about how and where i'd kill myself, i was thinking about whether i'd leave a note or not, and i thought about everyone's reactions.

I would NEVER actually kill myself. I just want to make sure if this is good or bad.

- I believe sexual abuse started when I was 4 till about 9, then it turned into just harassment until i was 15 (when I finally stopped seeing him and told my mum).

- At age 9 I also saw my brother getting drowned (he didn't die from this though).

- Since I was 5, I got locked outside of home numerous times and always happened during late night (I don't remember what I did wrong).

- When I was about 11 my mum became really depressed and small things would trigger her to want to kill herself. She would scream and cry "I want to die" and held a razor blade to her wrist saying she will do it. i had to handle this alone, while my brothers stayed in their rooms.

- My mum always relied on me for emotional care and support, while I didn't receive much of that from her.

This is just a vague overview of my childhood.

I don't get flashbacks. I do have a difficult time concentrating though, because I get intrusive memories of my past. However, I cannot feel anything towards what has happened. I isolate myself from people a lot of the time - I feel different to others. I am also quite hyper vigilant. Sometimes I feel very tired for no reason.

Dreams of my abuser are getting more frequent - but I don't wake up sweating.

like through the 'cult of personality', state terror, rapid industrialisation, collectivisation and the theory of socialism in one country?

Thanks in advance! Any help would be appreciated.

this is a reason why i try to never talk to them about my problems and that makes me feel really alone, because they don't know who i am at all. I've tried many times, but they just ignore me or laugh it off (when its supposed to be serious) and move on to talk about something else.

they should be mature enough to respond, we're 16... i always listen to them and always try to comfort them afterwards or check up on them.

i think i'm done doing that though. Coz it looks like im the only one trying to care..

you might ask "what about abusers, pedophiles or killers/murderers?" But... if you think about it, they didn't exactly have a choice. I mean some people are just born with those 'evil' mindsets, or they grow up to it due to some experiences they encounter like severe child abuse or neglect. I am not saying all people who have been abused have the potential to grow up as a killer or abuser, because we are all different.

But some people are also just crazy in the head and have these horrible ideas of finding pleasure in torturing another living creature. what makes them turn into this though?

Also the punishment shouldn't be eternal. there could be some punishment but that is already faced in life by the individual.

17L of HCl gas is dissolved in 2.0L solution (at 25*C and 100kPa)

normally i would be given a MASS(g) of something but here i have a volume. How do I work this out?

i think about death everyday. i always have negative thoughts, and i think about my past a lot, all the bad things that happened to me. but i appear to be a positive, 'spiritual', happy person.

i feel like killing myself but i know i would never actually do that because i don't want to hurt other people. i can't leave my cat behind either and all the people who depend on me being there for them.

i don't want to feel this way forever. i have a counsellor that i see weekly but i haven't been able to see her for two weeks because i've been busy. my counselling's main focus is to recover from child sexual abuse. it doesn't help much with feeling depressed or anxious.

i feel like this post is really pointless, but thanks for reading. i just have no-one i can talk to and be completely honest with. i have trouble with expressing my feelings.

i seriously cannot understand, thank you in advance

1. acceptance

2. love

3. happiness

4. forgiveness

5. wealth

6. fame

7. nurture

8. health

just sucks how there's always gonna be people out there who love torturing animals and murdering people.

people who only care about themselves.

who are racist and discriminative.

who are like Trump, "kick her out of here, yeah!" just because of the colour of ones skin.

and the Queen? jesus, let all that money go to the poor. the people starving to death.

i walk around the city and see homeless people. every time, i'm the only one trying to help them in some way.

everyone is so god damn judgmental as well. "they got themselves there, it's their fault". how would they know that? and maybe there was a bloody reason for that too?

just please let me die before this world gets any worse than this. it seriously hurts knowing people and other beautiful creatures get abused.

we're all connected, we're all one, so why can't we respect, be kind, and love each other? i wish we could.

but to make a difference, PEOPLE NEED TO START CHANGING. ONE SMALL DIFFERENCE MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. PLEASE. next time you see a homeless person give em a warm drink if it's cold. be kind and respect those who reach out for help. donate some blood, donate some toys/clothes, donate some money. be a charitable person. don't just live for your own greediness.

it'll be great :)