Munki

Here is my situation in a nutshell:

I like to wear an elaborate Jar Jar Binks costume and mask as part of my every day life. I went to the grocery store, and saw how depressed everyone was so I thought I would help. I started dancing in the aisles, and yelling at people, and running up to people and taking things out of their cart. It was great fun. Then when I went to check out, there was only one lane open and a long line. I screamed and screamed while in line and danced, bumping into other people. I opened a box of baking soda and threw it around. Finally I got to the checkout. I started making noises at the cashier, and I kept pressing buttons on the computer. Some people in line were groaning because the line was getting very long, but that gave me even more incentive to make them laugh. I climbed onto the table and started kicking peoples groceries on the floor and singing. The manager and one of his goons pulled me off and said I could never shop there again.

Can I sue for harassment or possibly assault?

I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT ***** FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY GOD DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY ******* CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY ******* HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.

THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE **** HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR ******* OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A VERY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN ******* BURNING/BLEEDING TO STOP.

I have had my account for a year, and my motto for the whole time was stupid - "I eat babies." I just got suspended. I couldn't have the word "drugs" anywhere in my profile in order to play Call of Duty either. Those are more offensive than games that reference drugs/crime/violence as a central theme in so many games? The word "drugs" is wrong in CoD, yet titles and emblems are marijuana leaves with hazy smoke for the background? I'm pretty sure that shooting people in the face and flashing pot leaves during the slow-motion replay of their death (complete with plenty of splattering blood) is frowned upon more than seeing the word drugs if actually cared to look at my profile bio? I like how it took them a full year to deem such phrases as dangerous for society.

Okay....I'm done ranting now.

The savior of Christianity was nailed to a cross and left to die? Seems irrational, for some reason......