Christina

So, long story short, I was raped by my ex about 8 years ago and I still cannot get over it. The memory creeps into my mind at the most inconvenient times. Any time in my life that is overwhelming or stressful, the nightmares and the flashbacks happen. Even if what I'm stressed out about has nothing to do with my past, the feelings are absolutely insidious and I am just a hot mess. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? I'm really getting sick of not feeling like a normal person.

My fiance and I have been together for the past four and a half years. I absolutely love him, and am excited to get married. But, there is just one thing that really bugs me: He still talks to his ex girlfriend. We have had issues with her before. They have kept contact on and off for the entirety of our relationship. I'm not jealous, because I don't feel that that is the issue at hand. I'm sick of him telling me that he "won't talk to her again" every single time I tell him that I am still uncomfortable, just as I have always told him. I'm never going to like it, never have felt okay with it. I don't feel as though it's a huge request for him to keep his word. I want to just not care anymore and let it go, seeing as how it's never mattered much how I feel about it. But, I'm really just hurt that he won't keep this promise. Should I just let this go, or should I talk to him about it yet again? Is there a good approach to this? It really is just this one thing holding me back from really planning this wedding. How can I be confident in a marriage when he can't keep this simple promise?

I'll make this short: When I was 16, I was dating this guy. One day, he showed up at my home. He was drunk, and forced himself on me. I tried to push him off: I said "No!" and "Stop!". I cried. After, he tried to get in contact with me, and I told him what he did. He claimed to not remember. I got Orders of Protections against him. He was diagnosed with psychosis later on, which made me question whether or not he is excused from his actions. Drunk and psychotic. Was it still rape? Would I have been able to file charges against him?

Here is a little background:

I am 21 and my fiancé is 24. We are expecting a little girl in early June, and we are both very excited for her to be here! However, things aren’t all great. You see, my mom is a little controlling, to say the least. She has a very explosive temper, and has been abusive for the past decade or so, ever since she divorced my dad. Things just haven’t been the same since then, and her meeting her long-distance boyfriend (and I mean long… He lives in Belgium, and she is always lonely and depressed). Anyway, she has been very overwhelming to past boyfriends, and has driven many of them away. I’ve been afraid of her doing this to this guy. He is truly my Prince Charming. I know he is the one for me. I’ve never loved any one so much! But, he has displeased my mother, who I still live with for now, and I have to deal with it.

Because we are expecting a baby, we are having a baby shower. Well, make that 3. Yeah… It would be great, except the only reason we are having so many is because my mother would not invite my now-fiancé’s family, even though he offered to pay compensation for them being there. She said she did not want anyone there she doesn’t know, even though she should probably get to know her granddaughter’s other half of the family. So, instead of his family and other people he is close with being completely left out of the picture, his mother and him stepped up to the plate and threw one on March 18th. (As stated before, my parents are divorced and cannot be in the same room, so that split baby showers already.) Well, what my mother was unaware of was that my guy planned on proposing to me at the baby shower my mother wanted to throw. That way, both my family and his would be there for the special moment. However, since my mom would not allow his family to be invited, he did it at the baby shower he and his mother threw instead. It was an amazing moment, and my dad was even there! My mom and sister were invited, but my mom declined because she didn’t want to be around people she didn’t know. But, what I didn’t know at the time was that my guy talked to my dad about it so he knew when it would happen, and did not do the same for my mother. He asked him on December 9th. He asked my mother October 19th, but my mother said that it would be a bad idea. That did not go over well. Now, my mom has banned him from visiting me and being involved with anything with my family. She has poisoned their opinion of him by telling them that he is controlling and manipulative over me, and is just an all around bad guy. He is definitely not any of those, and he has been nothing but an awesome guy to my family, helping them with whatever they may need. She has turned my family against other family members before, and she holds grudges like crazy. I completely understand why she is hurt, as she feels like she and my family weren’t a part of our big moment. But, spreading lies and screaming in my face, pushing me, and bad-mouthing the father of my child is not helping me in this situation. I don’t condone him not talking to her about proposing to me, but he thought he was doing the right, traditional thing by asking my father. She told me that she had a “sick feeling” that he would propose on our 2 year anniversary back in February, and ever since she said that, he has been hurt and did not want to tell her about it because he didn’t want to risk her ruining the surprise. He wants to sit down, buy her dinner and apologize and talk things over with her, but she refuses to listen.

I’m not sure what to do here. I love him, and I love my mother. I want things to be okay, especially before I move in with him. My mother gets angry with me for moving my belongings over there, but she won’t let anyone help me move my things, and I’ve got 2 months before I have a baby to worry about. I don’t want to have to worry about having a newborn and moving at the same time. I feel like I’m stuck between my mom and my man, and time is running out.

Sorry this is so long, I've just had this on my mind and nowhere to vent it out. Help me, please!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now, and I am in my fifth month of pregnancy. We are very much in love, as we plan to marry someday, and I am extremely happy with him, except for when he talks (in my opinion, rather affectionately) to his ex. They dated for almost 6 years, and at the beginning of our relationship, I understood them talking regularly, as she had lived with him and still had items in his house. Eventually, though, I started to feel like the communication had gotten way too open and inappropriate for a taken man to partake in with his ex. She would "drunk" dial and text him, and tell him that, in short, she wanted him back and still loved him. She was even with her boyfriend at the time, and said that he was only there to "fill the void". She has threatened to sabotage my relationship, and would purposely ask him for favors and say mean things about me. Eventually, I got tired of being the bigger person, and confronted her. Needless to say, things didn't end well. However, despite everything she has done, I feel as though my boyfriend has been too nice and has tried to avoid conflict with her, putting aside my feelings about her and how much strain she has put on our relationship. If she asks for a favor, he does it with no questions asked. He never just simply cuts her out of his life, even though when he doesn't talk to her for some time, things between us are never better. In some sort of communication medium, she is always there. Always. Am I wrong for feeling hurt like this? Or am I just feeling insecure? I've never been a jealous person. It's not about jealousy, really. I just hate the fact that she has disrespected me and my boyfriend (and his entire family, a different story...) so many times, yet it feels as though she never is punished.