I'm stuck in the middle... Mom vs. Fiance?

Question

Here is a little background:
I am 21 and my fiancé is 24. We are expecting a little girl in early June, and we are both very excited for her to be here! However, things aren’t all great. You see, my mom is a little controlling, to say the least. She has a very explosive temper, and has been abusive for the past decade or so, ever since she divorced my dad. Things just haven’t been the same since then, and her meeting her long-distance boyfriend (and I mean long… He lives in Belgium, and she is always lonely and depressed). Anyway, she has been very overwhelming to past boyfriends, and has driven many of them away. I’ve been afraid of her doing this to this guy. He is truly my Prince Charming. I know he is the one for me. I’ve never loved any one so much! But, he has displeased my mother, who I still live with for now, and I have to deal with it. 
Because we are expecting a baby, we are having a baby shower. Well, make that 3. Yeah… It would be great, except the only reason we are having so many is because my mother would not invite my now-fiancé’s family, even though he offered to pay compensation for them being there. She said she did not want anyone there she doesn’t know, even though she should probably get to know her granddaughter’s other half of the family. So, instead of his family and other people he is close with being completely left out of the picture, his mother and him stepped up to the plate and threw one on March 18th. (As stated before, my parents are divorced and cannot be in the same room, so that split baby showers already.) Well, what my mother was unaware of was that my guy planned on proposing to me at the baby shower my mother wanted to throw. That way, both my family and his would be there for the special moment. However, since my mom would not allow his family to be invited, he did it at the baby shower he and his mother threw instead. It was an amazing moment, and my dad was even there! My mom and sister were invited, but my mom declined because she didn’t want to be around people she didn’t know. But, what I didn’t know at the time was that my guy talked to my dad about it so he knew when it would happen, and did not do the same for my mother. He asked him on December 9th. He asked my mother October 19th, but my mother said that it would be a bad idea. That did not go over well. Now, my mom has banned him from visiting me and being involved with anything with my family. She has poisoned their opinion of him by telling them that he is controlling and manipulative over me, and is just an all around bad guy. He is definitely not any of those, and he has been nothing but an awesome guy to my family, helping them with whatever they may need. She has turned my family against other family members before, and she holds grudges like crazy. I completely understand why she is hurt, as she feels like she and my family weren’t a part of our big moment. But, spreading lies and screaming in my face, pushing me, and bad-mouthing the father of my child is not helping me in this situation. I don’t condone him not talking to her about proposing to me, but he thought he was doing the right, traditional thing by asking my father. She told me that she had a “sick feeling” that he would propose on our 2 year anniversary back in February, and ever since she said that, he has been hurt and did not want to tell her about it because he didn’t want to risk her ruining the surprise. He wants to sit down, buy her dinner and apologize and talk things over with her, but she refuses to listen. 
I’m not sure what to do here. I love him, and I love my mother. I want things to be okay, especially before I move in with him. My mother gets angry with me for moving my belongings over there, but she won’t let anyone help me move my things, and I’ve got 2 months before I have a baby to worry about. I don’t want to have to worry about having a newborn and moving at the same time. I feel like I’m stuck between my mom and my man, and time is running out.
Sorry this is so long, I've just had this on my mind and nowhere to vent it out. Help me, please!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

move somewhere else

get away from your mom ASAP

her negativity will effect your baby and childbirth process

leave your things there

take your important things in a box or two

DO IT FOR YOUR BABY

now

tell your mom she is impossible and it is an unhealthy environment for your child

don't let her control your life


here is some advice i received (some i took & some i did not), not in any particular order:

- always treat people the way you would like to be treated

- when a door closes, a window opens

- this life you are living now is not a dress rehearsal

- you have the ability to control your life - only you – no one else

- don't look at the superficial essence of people - look inside of their soul

- if you have to sign a legal document – take it home & review it overnight. preferably, see an attorney to protect your interests. remember, if it seems too good to be true – it probably is !

- don’t let people be bullied & don’t be a bully

- every time you make love to someone, you give a piece of yourself away. you don't have too many pieces inside of you to give away – so be selective

- learn something new every day

- find the path to your own happiness - you are in charge of your own happiness - you are responsible for how you get out of bed every day & how you plan your day

- do volunteer work - it enriches the soul & lets you see how other people live their lives & survive their day to day existence

- go to the library

- when someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment & thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness & move forward. forgiveness frees your soul

- when you get a job ? save something from each & every paycheck you get – even if it is a dollar – it helps you plan for your future & sets up good habits for savings right from the beginning of your working career !  place this money in an interest bearing account

- give more then you receive – you will never be disappointed ! 

- always be yourself ! 

- the joy is in the journey.  do not give up on this journey called life ! 

- don't watch tv too much - it fries your brain & can encourage laziness

- don’t use profanity. it is a show of disrespect for yourself & those around you. there are millions of words out there – use them to express yourself ! 

- challenge yourself – don’t always take the easiest choice given to you or travel a path preferred by others – take chances

- make yourself do something different once in a while 

- in order to give & receive love, you have to love yourself first - make loving yourself a priority in your life !

- drink v8 juice

- brush & floss your teeth at least two times per day 

- drink lots of water – stay away from soda pop

- go to the library or book store – read !

- go for walks

- sometimes, when you can’t smile ? force yourself to – it encourages your inner psyche to survive the “blues” that come over everyone of us, from time to time

- keep a journal

- listen to music – it keeps you connected to your inner soul & to the universe – all of which are very important to survive on this planet

- always strive for a better education

- encourage people around you – especially strangers

- remember, we are all created equal – g*d does not make mistakes

- never, ever give in or give up

peace
☮†♂☺♥☻♀†☮

Jessie · Answer

I come from a controlling and very abusive mother as well, but your 21! you need to break from from her! She is dragging you down and stress at this far along is not good for the baby! Or your relationship with your fiance! And that you Fiance asked your dad for permission is a great sign he is a good guy, my husband did the same for me even asked him if he could date me. Its time you let go of your mother, try sitting down with her explaining how you feel and what she is doing! If she doesnt listen sometimes just walking away is the only choice you have to be happy. Eventually she will come to her senses at least i hope so! Its time to take care of your family now, and trust me i know how had it can be! I wish the best for u and ur family! Having a child of your own to protect can be so life changing!

Anonymous · Answer

It seems to me like your mother is not being fair to your feelings, or too your baby, or your Fiance, if you really feel strongly for him, I say pick the Fiance because one "You love him with all your heart." and "Mothers Approval?" is childish, not of you of her, you've made your choices in life it's about time she accepts it, even though your Mother may have...ignored what you have to say, don't let that stop you. Keep showing her that your committed to your decision and is NOT going to change it for her, even if she is her mother, a lot of time people can't see how wrong their being.

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I'm stuck in the middle... Mom vs. Fiance?

3 Answers