Raunak

Hi All,

First of all to keep a long story short, I am a very emotional and sentimental guy. I show these emotions to all closed ones and end up being hurt. I had a girlfriend who loved me has left me now not realizing how much I loved her inspite of me showing all my emotions and showing her my heart out. I am now in a relationship with a married woman (she is married to another man) and we had great chemistry and clicked well. She works in the same office and that is where we meet often. Slowly I have come very close to her and have developed strong feelings for her. She too loves me and I know it coz she has been physical with me too. Although we love each other, I feel extremely insecure as she is not with me forever. She needs to go back and attend to her family (husband and a 1.5 yr old kid). I feel extremely insecure and I feel she might leave me and go. I feel she might stop loving and meeting me and due to this insecurity and my emotional nature, I end up fighting with her (shouting sometimes at her) and then I feel sorry later. I have time and again told her how much I love her but I feel my emotional outbursts might one day push her away from me forever. I have told her how much I need her in my life and how life would be without her. I asked her to but she is not ready to leave her family and come and settle down with me as she feels she might hurt her parents and kid. How do I control my emotional outbursts at her and make her feel confident about me. I want to be the same old mature, straight at mind man she started loving. I am very concerned she might leave me and go and my emotional and sentimental behavior does not help either. Please help.

I have struggled to be stable in a relationship so far with women. I am a 30 yr old man living in Bangalore, India. This is my story. I stay alone, far away from family as there are no jobs in my hometown and my job here in bangalore is my bread and butter.

1. I have a extra marital relationship going with a office colleague of mine since more than past 2 yrs now (since 2009).

2. I proposed to her and drew her closer to me however, she cannot marry me as she does not want to leave her kid and her family. I tried that but its just not possible to convince her to do that. Even I understand this will ruin many lives so I am now realizing to step back a little however, she wants the relationship to somehow continue even though she is not interested in marriage. I will refer to her as “A” in this post.

3. I had another girl who is young and unmarried. She fell in love with me when I was her team leader in 2010. We used to meet up outside office and were dating each other. This girl was ready for marriage however, i had thought that sometimes she was too much of a drama queen and she will not be in good terms with my parents later. She would give extreme reactions to anything that offended her however always said she loves me and wanted to settle down with me. I will refer to her as “N” in this post.

4. Meanwhile, my romantic interest in the married colleague “A” continued and we even came physically close. This other single girl from office “N” who loved me did not know of this extra marital relationship however, I had told her that I admire a married woman. I did not want to reveal the identity of my married girl “A” and hence lied to “N” as all of us were in same office. I also told “N” in June 2011 that my parents are looking for a match for me and I will be engaged soon. I know I hurt “N” a lot however, i had never committed to “N” and I always maintained that I will marry a girl of my parents choice. Even “N” came physically close to me on 3-4 occasions in 2010 and 2011. I helped “N” wherever I could in terms of finances and moral support as her family life and finances were not running good. We (me and “N”) spent nice times together watching movies, going out on dates and bike rides etc on weekends.

5. However, in June 2011, my engagement was getting fixed back home and i revealed this to both “A” and “N” as i thought it would be the right thing to do then. “A” was completely ok with this as she knew she could never marry me. She however said that she wished and wanted to marry me but due to society she can’t and she was happy me settling down with a girl my parents wished me to marry. “A” was against the idea of me getting close to “N” as she thought this would mean I was cheating “A” all this while. My engagement got broke in Oct 2011 and everything came down with this. “N” was fed up of chasing me for marriage by then and her love and romantic attraction towards me had gone. Knowing my engagement got broke, she said she was sad but she would not agree to marry me now. I had no idea I was in love with “N” by now as I always cared for her and wanted her to be happy and comfortable in her rough life. In Nov 2011 and Dec 2011, “N” completely started distancing herself from me. She stopped meeting me even in office and she knew i used to be close to “A” (she did not know romantically). To keep it short both “A” and “N” were jealous of each other as both knew the other has affinity towards me.

6. My Problem is here. “N” does not talk to me at all now. She has changed her phone number, blocked me from facebook and orkut and blocked me from office chats too. I realized recently that I want her back now. I love “N” and i cared and have deep feelings for her. I could never see her going away from my life and now she has. I tried my best to confront her in office to know why she is not talking but she reacted in a bad way when i confronted her. I am not sure how to approach her again as I am in deep love with her. Also, “A” knows that I approached “N” (she does not know i am romantically thinking of “N”) but she hates me going to “N”. I am in big big mess here.

a. I want “N” back and want to marry her now. I told her this however she says its no more possible as her family won’t agree. Also, she said she does not love me anymore and she will get engaged in Jan 2012 as her family is looking for a match for her. She said she wants to marry as per her mother’s wish.

b. I don’t want to hurt “A”. Just in case “N” would come back to me, “A” would feel I was cheating her and she has made it clear that “N” coming back to my life would hurt her a lot and she will stop contacts with me in that case.

What to do? I miss “N” a lot and I cannot hurt “A”. Also, no matter how much i feel for “N” she is not ready to accept me back which is hurting a lot. I am in lot of pain because of all this mess I have landed myself into and not sure where to go. I feel very lonely without “N” . What to do?

My gf is married to another man. :-( Should I stop seeing her? I know the answer is yes but I just can't as I love her too much.

Also she keeps fighting over small Issues. She keeps hurting me knowingly at times and it means I just tell her on face that she is hurting me. This creates a argument mostly and we end up being annoyed with each other. It has started recently and we are in relationship for close to 20 months now but this trend of small fights has been last month or so. Its not that I am easily hurt but she has changed and she too feels that I have changed(that I feel more hurt these days). I tried speaking to her and asking her one on one that if something is bothering her she should speak to me and am always there for her no matter what is bothering her. She says its nothing she is just like what she used to be. But I fear if this continues I might loose her which I dont want. I told her this but she says she cannot change as she is normal. Please help. For the time being I have started being subservient and smile and apologise each time she initiates a fight. Is she scared of something??

and it means I just tell her on face that she is hurting me. This creates a argument mostly and we end up being annoyed with each other. It has started recently and we are in relationship for close to 20 months now but this trend of small fights has been last month or so. Its not that I am easily hurt but she has changed and she too feels that I have changed(that I feel more hurt these days). I tried speaking to her and asking her one on one that if something is bothering her she should speak to me and am always there for her no matter what is bothering her. She says its nothing she is just like what she used to be. But I fear if this continues I might loose her which I dont want. I told her this but she says she cannot change as she is normal. Please help. For the time being I have started being subservient and smile and apologise each time she initiates a fight. Is she scared of something??

I started to feel for her and now I love her madly. We have never been physical as such but we have been good friends and shared every topic of our lives together. She is a very nice friend to me but I am unable to keep my feelings aside for her and I know there is no future to this relationship. I just want to cut off but now it seems impossible. She knows I feel for her strongly.

Please tell me if I should disconnect/continue? If I must disconnect, how? Although I will be shattered once I stop speaking to her, I don't want her to feel hurt.

She does not like him she says but I don't know why she always gives in and pays him the money. He will come and ask her to lend him some bucks for some crap reason and would never return back. She knows he will never return back still she gives him the money. A couple of times she told me this and I told her how to say a soft no and never give him anything. Still I always find out she has paid him the amount. She knows I don't like this so she has started to hide this fact from me to an extent. I have tried helping her by showing her I can confront the guy and save her from this trouble still it seems she does not listen to me. I love and care for her a lot and do not want her to be used/cheated like this. How do I stop this nonsense? Moreover all 3 of us work in same office so it makes the situation all the more worse. Can anyone help.?

She knows this as I have told her inspite of the fact that she is married. Later I felt guilty due to the fact that she is 4.5 months pregnant and she had to travel with me to the place where we decided to dine. She said in this condition it might be medically not advisable to travel specially since the road was bumpy. Finally since I had insisted her to come for dinner, I felt bad and expressed the fact that I felt sorry. She said its ok but this entire episode made me feel very guilty. The reason I am putting this here is that this happens most times. She won't talk to me some times and in return when I ignore she says I ignored her knowingly. She always tends to win arguments and blames me most times for everything. We are fighting almost every other day. One day I took another girl out and my this married friend saw felt jealous and told me she got jealous. Later she said its ok I can go with any girl I wish to as she won't mind since she is married and she should not be worrying.

I sometimes feel she cares and loves me but then why she fights with me. Also, if I wish to walk away from her life she will always come back and initiate conversations and won't let me move on. She sometimes does not allow me to care for her and sometimes shows care and love towards me. Sometimes accepts my love and care with warmth. What is wrong? I am completely confused. I just want to keep her a friend but now it seems its not possible due to the fact that she knows my feelings and knows how to keep me around her even if I plan to distance myself.

Am I doing something wrong? Please throw some light :-(

Do you girls hate guys being emotional and sentimental? Someone who feels very strongly for a girl and he lets the girl know how mad he is in love with her, will the girl loose attraction towards the guy this way?

She does not like serious discussions and I was just too emotional to control. I just spilled everything over. I knew she cannot help me overcome those problems but I just thought telling her would make me feel better. Although it did for a while, but now a no response/text/sms/call from her makes me feel silly, stupid and guilty. What shall I do next time I meet/see her? I feel extremely lonely and needed some support from her.

Well I am in love with this lady who is married and works in my office. She knows I love her very much. She likes me too however we both know there is no future to all this. Now its my decision to cut off slowly as its hurting me each day. But since we work in the same office, its really getting tough for me as she keeps coming back to speak to me. I know I can remain friends and continue but that does not seem possible as I have strong feelings for her. How do I cut off without hurting her? She needs me every now and then to help her in her career and till now I have provided all support to her. But somehow its turning out to be very tough for me to cut her off... :-( :'-(

Any way out?

Also, because my career is not heading the right direction, I feel irritated and need support from her more and more. She does not love me and so my expectations from her are just lame. I am so confused with life. I am completely lost on what to do. I feel depressed. I know I am far better compared to other problems ppl have in life, but this itself is killing me. Will I ever have a supportive woman and a good career in my life?

Well I am in love with this lady who is married and works in my office. She knows I love her very much. She likes me too however we both know there is no future to all this. Now its my decision to cut off slowly as its hurting me each day. But since we work in the same office, its really getting tough for me as she keeps coming back to speak to me. I know I can remain friends and continue but that does not seem possible as I have strong feelings for her. How do I cut off without hurting her? She needs me every now and then to help her in her career and till now I have provided all support to her. But somehow its turning out to be very tough for me to cut her off... :-( :'-(

Any way out?

She tells me she does like me but there is no future to all this. I agree. But I just want to spend the time we are together and nothing else from her. The day we separate, I will be gone forever. I will never disturb her. I told her all this. I don't want to ruin her married life ever. Now the case is, she does not want to commit and I don't complain. I fully understand her problems and her life. I stand by her.

Now, she came to know that I have started smoking a lot recently. She said she hates this and would want me to Quit. I said I cannot quit smoking as I feel urge to get me going. (cigarettes are the only way I enjoy and kill my loneliness when she is not around me). She said if I don't quit smoking, she will stop speaking to me and she won't ever talk to me. :-(

I am very honest I just want her companionship till the time I am seeing her. The day I go away, I won't contact her. On top of all this she does not want to commit. She does miss me when I am not around and I have done so much for her in her career just coz I care for her. She knows and acknowledges all this.

Isn't she being very selfish to ask me quit smoking? Why shall I Quit smoking? Its a part of me and she is not around when I feel lonely and down. But cigarettes are there even when she is not. The fact that she will stop speaking to me is killing me..... Shall I quit smoking or shall I let her go?

He told her how he had sex with another girl from office. She says she does not like such crap talks but I always find her listening to such dirty stories from this guy as well as other guys sometimes. I have told her she must restrict the quality of talks ppl do with her and she can very well say a soft no to ppl doing such **** talks with her. But she seemed to be showing me attitude when I told her all this... and behaved as if my advice to her was not welcome. I love her a lot and I care for her a lot. I show her all the care in the world. I have done things out of my way for her but she hardly appreciates. I have done so much so always thought I had the right to show her the right path and tell her what kind of talks and ppl she should involve with. It was all just out of care but now she won't talk to me as she felt bad at me being little harsh at her. I just wanted to help her keep bad ppl away from her. She and I both are 26. Tell me guys what shall I do? Shall I talk to her or shall I wait for her to come back to me? At the moment it seems I will have to let my ego down and compromise to keep the relationship. What you guys suggest?