keely

There is no true love save in suffering, and in this world we have to choose either love, which is suffering, or happiness. And love leads us to no other happiness than that of love itself and its tragic consolation of uncertain hope. The moment love becomes happy and satisfied, it no longer desires and it is no longer love. The satisfied, the happy, do not love; they fall asleep in habit, near neighbor to annihilation. To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be. We are the more—that is the more divine—the greater our capacity for suffering, or rather, for anguish

At times I feel I base my feelings on whether I hear from him or not. 

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6/7 months. We’re 9 years apart and I don’t notice the age difference. We get along like a house on fire, I know his friends, his family know about me but we haven’t been able to meet due to Covid. A few months into dating, he asked to make sure that we’re not seeing other people. A few months ago I was anxious about what we were - he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought this is something that he would’ve wanted to do. He’s traditional, wanting something serious such as marriage/family. We had a few talks about the direction of our relationship, he said there were a few things he was a bit concerned about, a few things we maybe didn’t have in common (he’s very risk-averse and overthinks everything).

He’s studying medicine so after that conversation he said he would decide at the end of his exams, his exams have finished now. So the other night on the phone, I told him that I wasn’t quite sure whether continuing to have sex with him was a wise idea as we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. He was confused that I said it was casual. I said ‘well, we aren’t in a relationship’ and he said ‘you are my girlfriend’ I’m certain he went onto say ’I thought we’ve known this since we started dating’ so I then asked him ‘well if I was to meet a new friend of yours that I haven’t met, would you introduce me as your girlfriend? And he said yes. 

Thoughts?

I'm a bit confused, I've heard that you can still gain muscle with a calorie deficit as long as your protein per day is high. Obviously your gains may not be as good as they could be if you were eating in a surplus. What I don't get is when you're eating more than you burn, excess 'fat' is not turned into muscle correct? So what's the point of eating in surplus? Is it so your body has more residual energy?

So I've been seeing this guy since Feb/March. 33M, 24F. When we first met, he told me that he is looking to settle down and wants something serious. Everything has been great, we get along well. I've met his friends and they apparently really like me. Haven't been able to meet his parents as they live in another state. We've told each other before that we really like each other and he asked me a few weeks ago to clarify that I'm not seeing anyone else. Every time we catch up, he's always like 'it's been a while since we've seen each other' indicating that he would like to see me more. He also says to me sometimes 'I was talking to *name*, how long have we been seeing each other for again?' He's a med student - he's been busy lately with rotations and studying for an exam in the next few months. I get this, I'm in college as well. We saw each other at the weekend and went to a gathering with his friends. We normally see each other once or twice a week due to our schedules, mainly on the weekends though. When I left on that Sunday, his texting was a bit short but I knew he had things coming up for the week. He told me that they put a group photo up of everyone in some group, so I asked for him to send it to me and he didn't. I didn't hear from him yesterday. We've texted about every day since we first met and for the first time yesterday, he didn't text me. I was getting a bit concerned there was something even wrong with him so I called. 

Almost in that planking position. My boyfriend seems to fall asleep super quickly that way.

This semester I learnt a lot about passion, how do I shortly say this?

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/bb...

I've noticed not just look other women up and down but men too. Why? Are they usually the sourpusses?

Boyfriend studies overseas and he has friends there, those friends which 2 are girls, those are coming to his home country while they're on holiday. He's taking them around. I'm away at the time.

Would you be jealous?

My boyfriend had a girl on his snapchat under his "best friends" from Uni and they are apparently just good friends which I can accept. However my boyfriend uploaded a video recently and she sent him a message saying "tickle me" which I was not happy with. My boyfriend reassured me and said that she even helped him with his previous ex, that she also has/had a thing with his male friend. But which was weird, the night I did see her in HK she asked if I thought a guy she met on a cruise was good looking, I think asked my boyfriend "Oh I thought you said she had a thing with your friend?" Then one of my boyfriends male friends uploaded a photo of my boyfriend and I with him and said third wheeling on Instagram and he uploaded another couple who are similar to my boyfriend and I. (I'm Caucasian, boyfriend is Asian) and so was the other couple. My boyfriends male friend hashtagged saying "they aren't the same couple" and this girl that goes to my boyfriends uni commented saying "they look the same" with the eye emoji which just made me further aggravated.

My boyfriend is Asian, only child but westernised. I thought I would mention this. He has been staying with my family and I for 3 weeks. A couple of nights ago he ended up showering and he was in the room waiting, he brought up a political discussion. I engaged in the conversation and he basically shot down my comments which he has done before. It seems he's almost threatened by it. I politely excused myself to get some melatonin upstairs which is a normal routine of mine and he knows that and he said in a very frustrated way "just get into bed" I asked then he claimed he never said it and then admitted, when I got back why he seemed so frustrated, he said he wasn't but angry I left the room however what's so wrong with leaving the room? I then said I didn't want to bring politics to the bed late at night and if we can speak about something different. He said he hates it how this has happened before in discussions together and I mentioned it's how he approaches and the attitude. Then he said "stay ignorant" since I stated I didn't want to speak about this, especially at night just before sleep as it's mainly just negativity. The next day he ignores me for majority of the day, I asked what I did that warrants being ignored. He continued to be arrogant and said "I have more knowledge than you" we also had movie tickets booked this day and he said I should go to the movies by myself.

I am 21, blonde and very petite. I look quite young for my age but this issue has just made me even more self conscious of looking EVEN younger. I got into the modelling industry around 2 years ago which was quite hurtful to my self esteem, contrary to what people usually think of modelling. My grandmother worked in the fashion industry and collected a few designer items for me, one being the classic Chanel so my passion for fashion started quite young and I was taught to dress well as a result. Even though I'm very petite as it is and only weigh around 43kg, my boyfriend will say passive aggressive comments about that I should be doing exercise even though he agrees he is unfit and does have some weight to lose. My boyfriend is 23. When we first got into a relationship, we were honest with each other what porn we watch. He showed me all his downloads of teen porn. I didn't say anything but it made me upset. Since I’m his first serious girlfriend, he thought it was acceptable to comment about other girls in front of me. I was flying somewhere for a shoot and he texted me about some hot volleyball girls that caught his bus with his friends and how happy his friends were. This was the last thing I wanted to hear especially for a 7 hour flight. I found it very disrespectful too and we got into an argument.

My boyfriend is 23 and I am 21. To be short : we have a wonderful relationship, very close with each other and we can talk about anything.

He always mentions his A level scores when he was in high school, that he is so called the role model in his family and uses the "Chinese families are so focused on education and success" as an excuse when he talks about it. He talks about how great it is that he is studying law. Sometimes I will go out for dinner with him and his parents and all they will do is talk about his future plans. As we are currently away from each other due to studying, we speak on the phone for quite some hours at night and text throughout the day. Almost every call he will talk about what he's going to do with his law degree or other possible options. While I love and support him, the same talk after a while gets very draining. Being reminded so many times how well he did in his A levels is also draining. Not to mention, he is also the only child and loves to practically speak about how important his role is of being an only child.

While at the same time, he does like to speak about my career. I'm not implying that he doesn't. He is very much interested in my life however my issue, is just his need to brag.

How do I go about this without sounding rude and causing an argument? If I bring this up, I assume he will be very defensive.

I have long blonde hair but he prefers it up in a pony tail and says it's cuter & sexier. During a bj, he often asks me to put it up. I do notice that sometimes he looks at other women especially if their hair is in a pony tail which makes me feel uncomfortable. What makes me uncomfortable is not the fact that he is looking at other women but specifically women in pony tails.

Mostly because I prefer to wear it down yet this passive aggressive fetish he has for it.

For as long as I've known my boyfriend, he has called me everything such as beautiful, stunning, sexy etcetera but never hot. I asked why last night and he said he's only doing it out of respect as he believes it has a negative connotation. His explanation wasn't clear because I also stated that sexy essentially has the same definition. He said hot is a word men use in groups to describe a girl who is not their girlfriend and it's just because of lust. He believes it's objectifying someone and basically saying that you want to have sex with them right then & there. I also mentioned again that usually when we describe someone sexy, it could be anything but at the end of the day it also signals that someone wouldn't reject an offer to sleep with them as why. He just says they're different and one is more about someone's sex appeal (sexy) which he claims to be a higher compliment versus the other.

Why is this? Do you agree? Or is he trying to say something else?

When we first got into a relationship, he would comment on other females appearances and somewhat try and "change" me. He would tell me how much he loved me in gym clothing or my hair in a pony tail for example and I would notice he would gaze at other women dressed like this. I usually prefer to dress classy and make an effort in my clothing or leave my blonde hair down. Not to mention, I'm naturally petite and always get commented on how thin I am but for some reason, this and other comments about him suggesting for me to go to the gym made me uncomfortable and felt like I needed to become even thinner. Or we would be driving and I could tell he would purposely get into another lane to look at a woman in the backseat. It wasn't necessarily the womens looks that made me insecure because majority of them were average or below, more how he treated it. Only stating that because of course women sometime feel she has to compete with another beautiful woman which I learnt in modelling but this was not the case.

In most relationships, I wouldn't notice but because he created an issue, I almost cannot help but notice every move. I know it shouldn't because he should just accept me for who I am but it has created so much anxiety. It truly made me paranoid. My family & friends would tell me that I could get anyone which to some degree, is true.

We're going on holiday to where I grew up and I used to go to a particular mall quite a lot. He told me he's looking forward to seeing it.

Why?