lydia

I don t think either of us weigh 150.

I'm so SICK of this. I know a bunch of guys, they're the only people that ever talk to me or ask me to hang out. Almost every guy I know wants to sleep with me, or date me. Some act like they're entitled to it just because I talk to them, then they throw a huge pity party or treat me like crap, or stop talking to me/hanging out with me. I hate this, basically I don't have any friends right? Bunch of creeps. The problem is I feel awkward around girls (long story). I was homeschooled for a long time so I don't know any, now I'm graduated and it's basically impossible to meet people.. How do I make friends with girls..? Preferably without seeming desperate..? I swear if another guy guilt trips me for not sleeping with him I'll kill him!!!

Ok, so I flipped out about something stupid my boyfriend did which turned out not to even be true, total misunderstanding. Before I realized that I cut my legs to shreds. I was able to hide a couple cuts but not like this.. He's told me people who do that are attention-seeking and he'd treat it that way. So I don't really wanna tell him, I'm embarrassed anyways. But when I saw him right after I lied and said I had bruises on my leg cuz I couldn't even sit the way I normally do. It hurt so bad it kept me awake, so I REALLY doubt I'll be doing that again but who knows. I just feel bad for lying, and I know every time I see him I'm gonna be paranoid about him seeing if my pants legs move, or GOD FORBID he asks to see my bruise. He seems like he wouldn't flip but I wouldn't tell him it was (sort of, not really) his fault cuz he'd go nuts.

I feel like if he knew he'd possibly be able to help me stop for good. Nobody knows I do it besides one person that can't quit either. But he has his own problems, and I don't want to be a burden or have him think I'm messed up or an attention whore. I haven't mentioned it the last few times I've done it, but this is getting ridiculous and scary. What do I do? =(

And should I mention eating disorders? Probably bulimia. I don't binge tho. Today the thought of eating something made me shiver. Started before I met him. He's underweight as it is so it's awkward. I think I'm fat, he tells me I'm not but doesn't discourage me exercising like my one ex. Jesus, I sound ****** up. :/ So.. QUESTION 2- Do I sound too mental for anyone to even want to date me if they knew? blah.

He talks about his truck the most, then his ex girlfriends, then Yugioh (unless his friends who play it are around, then this is pretty much all they talk about/do). One of his friends told me Yugioh is a lifestyle. ...???? OK? HELP ME. For the love of god, how do I get him to change subjects? Or not bring them up as frequently? I don't want to dump him. He's really sweet, and pretty attractive. Usually I get one or the other, or neither. Lol. Help =(

He talks about his truck the most, then his ex girlfriends, then Yugioh (unless his friends who play it are around, then this is pretty much all they talk about/do). One of his friends told me Yugioh is a lifestyle. ...???? OK? HELP ME. For the love of god, how do I get him to change subjects? Or not bring them up as frequently? I don't want to dump him. He's really sweet, and pretty attractive. Usually I get one or the other, or neither. Lol. Help =(

SWIM had a very very bad mushroom trip, felt like they were dying and accepted 'death'. Was in front of a hospital and tried to run but their friends stopped them. A few weeks later they had over 30 things happen that were in a dream months before, exactly like in the dream (something similar happened to me, what a coincidence!). They drank and blacked out a bunch of times as well. Now they feel like more of a passenger in life instead of controlling their life, and aren't sure if anything is real anymore. Like everything could be a joke and they could be in a mental hospital. They thought this during their mush trip as well, because their birth parents were schizophrenic, and said their whole lives could have been a hallucination. They doubt this now, because it's silly, but still can't help but feel like they don't exist. They saw their own death in the dream as well, 30 years or so from now only at age 50. Just about everything else has happened, and they died alone and miserable in the dream, and in a part of the trip they thought it was inevitable.. They think the time in the dream was off because part of the death was relived in the trip, making it a horrible, horrible experience. They think, worst case scenario, they're already dead or in a mental hospital. Best case scenario (or worst yet again) is that nothing ever existed in the first place. What advice would you give to SWIM? Other than don't do drugs, that's obvious now.

SWIM had a very very bad mushroom trip, felt like they were dying and accepted 'death'. Was in front of a hospital and tried to run but their friends stopped them. A few weeks later they had over 30 things happen that were in a dream months before, exactly like in the dream (something similar happened to me, what a coincidence!). They drank and blacked out a bunch of times as well. Now they feel like more of a passenger in life instead of controlling their life, and aren't sure if anything is real anymore. Like everything could be a joke and they could be in a mental hospital. They thought this during their mush trip as well, because their birth parents were schizophrenic, and said their whole lives could have been a hallucination. They doubt this now, because it's silly, but still can't help but feel like they don't exist. They saw their own death in the dream as well, 30 years or so from now only at age 50. Just about everything else has happened, and they died alone and miserable in the dream, and in a part of the trip they thought it was inevitable.. They think the time in the dream was off because part of the death was relived in the trip, making it a horrible, horrible experience. They think it's What advice would you give to SWIM? Other than don't do drugs, that's obvious now.

Someone please help me, this is killing me. I had a weird dream a long time ago and it's coming almost completely true in even the smallest details. During the first couple of days I saw the same building I was in (on a trip), a girl sitting in the same place, and I even tested myself by seeing one of the guys I remembered from the dream and later on they were right where I thought they'd be. I saw pictures, took pictures on my cell, and heard people say things exactly how they did in the dream. I saw homeless people that I'd seen before, where they were in the dream.. And even the sidewalk in the dream was sparkly and I saw that in real life too. Lego mushrooms. I SAW THOSE in the dream and then in real life. WTF.

There's a lot more that's happened but I don't wanna go into it.. A long time ago I 'prayed' to a god I don't (didn't) believe in for proof. This all started, for the most part (earlier things happened but I didn't think anything of it) at a christian camp. I feel like I'm going crazy, I don't think science can explain this. My birth parents were schizophrenic but I don't think this applies, they're not hallucinations and I know for a fact everything I saw in the dream looked exactly like what's happened in real life. My adopted mom things I'm going crazy. I'm so depressed.. How can I make this stop, and make sure it never happens again?

Someone please help me, this is killing me. I had a weird dream a long time ago and it's coming almost completely true in even the smallest details. During the first couple of days I saw the same building I was in (on a trip), a girl sitting in the same place, and I even tested myself by seeing one of the guys I remembered from the dream and later on they were right where I thought they'd be. I saw pictures, took pictures on my cell, and heard people say things exactly how they did in the dream. I saw homeless people that I'd seen before, where they were in the dream.. And even the sidewalk in the dream was sparkly and I saw that in real life too. Lego mushrooms. I SAW THOSE in the dream and then in real life. WTF.

There's a lot more that's happened but I don't wanna go into it.. A long time ago I 'prayed' to a god I don't (didn't) believe in for proof. This all started, for the most part (earlier things happened but I didn't think anything of it) at a christian camp. I feel like I'm going crazy, I don't think science can explain this. My birth parents were schizophrenic but I don't think this applies, they're not hallucinations and I know for a fact everything I saw in the dream looked exactly like what's happened in real life. My adopted mom things I'm going crazy. I'm so depressed.. How can I make this stop, and make sure it never happens again?

Someone please help me, this is killing me. I had a weird dream a long time ago and it's coming almost completely true in even the smallest details. During the first couple of days I saw the same building I was in (on a trip), a girl sitting in the same place, and I even tested myself by seeing one of the guys I remembered from the dream and later on they were right where I thought they'd be. I saw pictures, took pictures on my cell, and heard people say things exactly how they did in the dream. I saw homeless people that I'd seen before, where they were in the dream.. And even the sidewalk in the dream was sparkly and I saw that in real life too. Lego mushrooms. I SAW THOSE in the dream and then in real life. WTF.

There's a lot more that's happened but I don't wanna go into it.. A long time ago I 'prayed' to a god I don't (didn't) believe in for proof. This all started, for the most part (earlier things happened but I didn't think anything of it) at a christian camp. I feel like I'm going crazy, I don't think science can explain this. My birth parents were schizophrenic but I don't think this applies, they're not hallucinations and I know for a fact everything I saw in the dream looked exactly like what's happened in real life. My adopted mom things I'm going crazy. I'm so depressed.. How can I make this stop, and make sure it never happens again?

Someone please help me, this is killing me. I had a weird dream a long time ago and it's coming almost completely true in even the smallest details. During the first couple of days I saw the same building I was in (on a trip), a girl sitting in the same place, and I even tested myself by seeing one of the guys I remembered from the dream and later on they were right where I thought they'd be. I saw pictures, took pictures on my cell, and heard people say things exactly how they did in the dream. I saw homeless people that I'd seen before, where they were in the dream.. And even the sidewalk in the dream was sparkly and I saw that in real life too. Lego mushrooms. I SAW THOSE in the dream and then in real life. WTF.

There's a lot more that's happened but I don't wanna go into it.. A long time ago I 'prayed' to a god I don't (didn't) believe in for proof. This all started, for the most part (earlier things happened but I didn't think anything of it) at a christian camp. I feel like I'm going crazy, I don't think science can explain this. My birth parents were schizophrenic but I don't think this applies, they're not hallucinations and I know for a fact everything I saw in the dream looked exactly like what's happened in real life. My adopted mom things I'm going crazy. I'm so depressed.. How can I make this stop, and make sure it never happens again?

When I was little I remember my mom telling me I had 'special permission' to take Prozac (I think?) even though it wasn't approved for kids. I think I was between 4-6. My parents don't know or don't care enough to help me find out specifics, but if there's any way I could get the company in trouble I think it'd be worth looking into by myself. I know I was put on Lexapro as a kid later. After taking the Lexapro I ended up depressed and cutting for no apparent reason, suicidal, at one point tried to kill myself. Then I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder, which went away with that and the depression once I stopped taking them for good (the last ones I was on were Effexor and Seroquel). Would I be able to sue anyone over what happened? Anything would help, I just hate the idea of them getting away with ruining my childhood.

When I was little I remember my mom telling me I had 'special permission' to take Prozac (I think?) even though it wasn't approved for kids. I think I was between 4-6. My parents don't know or don't care enough to help me find out specifics, but if there's any way I could get the company in trouble I think it'd be worth looking into by myself. I know I was put on Lexapro as a kid later. After taking the Lexapro I ended up depressed and cutting for no apparent reason, suicidal, at one point tried to kill myself. Then I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder, which went away with that and the depression once I stopped taking them for good (the last ones I was on were Effexor and Seroquel). Would I be able to sue anyone over what happened? Anything would help, I just hate the idea of them getting away with ruining my childhood.

For some reason my adoptive mom thinks that my birth mother's name (we know her first name, not her last) would be in the newspaper in a birth announcement. I can't go by anything other than that, because they sealed the adoption files in Ohio up until 15 months after I was born :/ Would they put something like that in a newspaper?

For some reason my adoptive mom thinks that my birth mother's name (we know her first name, not her last) would be in the newspaper in a birth announcement. I can't go by anything other than that, because they sealed the adoption files in Ohio up until 15 months after I was born :/ Would they put something like that in a newspaper?

For some reason my adoptive mom thinks that my birth mother's name (we know her first name, not her last) would be in the newspaper in a birth announcement. I can't go by anything other than that, because they sealed the adoption files in Ohio up until 15 months after I was born :/ Would they put something like that in a newspaper?

I don't know whether I'm gay or not. That should seem obvious, but is that kind of thing possible to change over time? I've always considered myself bi. After being cheated on and disappointed and even abused I don't know what I am anymore. The guy I dated that was abusive made the relationship seem perfect and normal at first so every time a guy says they want that I get reminded of them. I don't think I can date another guy because of that, I don't even want to.

The problem is, I like being friends with guys. Other girls confuse me, and I've never dated one. I haven't even been friends with a girl since middle school. The few that have shown interest in me were the ones that want to date a guy and a girl at the same time, and I think that's gross. I feel the same way around the rest as I did around guys when I was like 13. I'm 18 now.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to ask is can someone's sexuality change from either abuse or just from getting older?

I have a problem. I know being gay and everything else isn't as controversial as it used to be, but it's still something awkward I don't want to deal with. Most of the people I interact with are from church, because I'm homeschooled. I'm homeschooled because most of the people I used to go to school with ended up hearing I liked a girl, and afterwards she and all the other girls stopped talking to me. The few friends I have are guys, I can't even talk to girls anymore because they make me nervous.

It's not like I can't date guys, I've done a lot but I've never enjoyed any of it as much as I enjoyed just kissing a girl once. The guys I've truly liked looked like girls (long hair, acted feminine..) I know if I did find a girlfriend I'd either have to lose a bunch of friends or hide her from them. I don't wanna lose everyone I know for someone that probably won't be with me for very long anyways (sorry, just being realistic). It just sucks because it seems like everyone past a certain age has someone, or atleast can have a healthy relationship, and I'll always be alone.

So my question to you, /adv/, is what's worse; being honest with myself and lonely or having a bf whose company I enjoy but can't feel romantic towards? It should seem obvious but I could end up miserable either way.

Does bvr drug test the people they're helping to get a job?