Alexa

Have been dating Mr. Sweetheart for 3 months (woot, woot). We get along well and see each other 3-4 times a week. We have agreed not to sleep with other people. However, I wouldn't say we have a real relationship. He said he doesn't want "constraints". To me it feels like we're a couple but this subject has never been discussed head-on and I feel like it would be awkward if I brought it up. Am I silly to want some kind of "official" conversation? When the relationship began he said he was coming off a long relationship and only wanted to live in the present. Does this mean I am a plaything? Please advise on how to discuss it or even if I should. thanks.

I have been dating a nice guy for the past 4 months. Things went from slowly getting to know one another to seeing each other 4 times a week, sharing dinners, movies, and more.

From the beginning he told me that he recently ended a very long relationship and did not want to be "confined". I took him at his word. Now that we are seeing each other more and he's told me he is not playing the field, I'm confused. He still says he only wants to think about the present, but I am not interested in growing (more) attached to him and then getting dumped.

Should I leave him and tell him when he does want something meaningful to call me or should I continue on as we have been? I enjoy him and the way things are but don't want to feel like a temporary thing.

I hope someone out there has either of dealt with a similar situation or has an idea of how to because I am clueless. Am dating a great guy (2 months). Went to his house which is structurally lovely. Inside however is a house of horrors. Not outright filth but very close. Layers of dust that make it look like a cave from Indiana Jones, sticky kitchen floor, bathroom shower with mildew beyond belief, and not a clear surface (papers and whatnot piled high). Now, is this a sign of depression? Is this just (excuse the sexism) boyishness? He is 30 and has lived on his own for a decade. I am hesitant to go back there until it's clean but I don't want to hurt his feelings by demanding it. He is personally always clean and has normal eating habits. One would never guess that he lives in a sty!

Hey All,

I met a guy 6 weeks ago. We have been on 5 dates, each more fun than the previous one. We get along well, have a lot in common, and I am crazy about hime. He recently told me that he just got out of a 4 year relationship and doesnt want to get into another one right away. I appreciate his honesty but do not quite know the next step. Do I just leave him alone for a few months or what. He continues to call, ask me out, email daily etc. I am not interested in being the rebound girl and am not sure how to proceed as "just friends" when we are attracted to each other. I thought about asking him to call me in a few months when his head his clear but don't want to be rude. Suggestions please!

My boyfriend's father killed himself yesterday. What can I do to help if anything? I've spoken to him twice but I don't want to be a pest. I also don't want him to feel like I've abandoned him. Any suggestions?

You guys have given great advice in the past and I am in dire need of some now. I work in an office that receives a lot of visits from salesman. One in particular has been coming around for about 5 months. In the Fall we began hanging out about twice a week, movies, dinner. This has been going on ever since with us getting slightly closer. When we go out together he puts his arm around me and sometimes pulls me into his arms but he's never even tried for a kiss. I am usually good at deciphering signals but am at a loss with this one. He comes in sometimes 3 times a week to see me, often asks me to hang out either solo or with his friends, calls me beautiful and NEVER mentions dating other women. I am tired of the guessing. Don't even know if there is anything to guess but if he doesn't want romance, why does he continue to come around, take me to lunch, etc,?

Any clues/suggestions?

My younger sister has 2 kids, a boy and a girl, who I think are not being properly cared for. They are 10 and 12. Here is the situation:

The two kids share a room

They both seem very depressed and take no joy in life

The 12 year old still wets the bed at night

Their father (divorced from my sister) has been arrested twice for beating up his girlfriend in front of the kids. He does not pay child support yet my sis insists the kids go to visit him weekly. When the children visit him, he does not spend time with them, just sets them up on the computer.

My sister herself seems very depressed, is overweight and low energy. My brothers and I have offered to help in a variety of ways (send them to camp, take them on regular outings, assist financially) but whenever we offer, she declines which I guess is her right.

I have not found a way to speak to her about the kids without her either getting defensive or telling me that "things are getting better". Any suggestions?

My boyfriend and I threw in the towel recently after a year of dating. A close relative of his just died and he is having a tough time with both the breakup and the death. I don't know how or if I should comfort him. I want to tell him that things will get better or perhaps have coffee with him but I don't want to make the situation worse as we both try to get on with our lives.

Suggestions?

I am about to begin the process of adopting a toddler boy. I would like to know from adoptees out there and their parents what could have been to:

1) make their transition easier (if you weren't adopted as an infant) and;

2) what things could your parents have done to make life as an adoptee easier.

Also, do you have unresolved issues being adopted?

Thanks!

Not sure what to do and you all have offered great advice in the past so I thought I'd post and see what's what.

My best pal, a guy, has struggled with mental illness for at least 10 years. Although he has an ivy league education he has had bouts of joblessness and near homelessness off and on. For the past 2 years he has had a fairly good job but no benefits so he has not been taking his medication or in professional care. Over the past two weeks he has pretty much dropped out of life. He has been missing work and not returning calls which he has never done before. The one time we spoke recently, I was encouraging, offering to listen if he wants to talk, or go to the doctor, but he says he just wants to be left alone.

Is there anything else I or my family (to whom he's also close) can do?

His reaction to her is.

She was diagnosed as bi-polar as a teenager and has been struggling ever since. She has monthly "episodes" which require someone in her family, or my boyfriend, to calm her down, rescue her from an abusive boyfriend, or some other kind of emotional bail out. They have2 kids together, 10 and 12.

Last week she felt that their kids (who have been subjected to her drug abuse and mood swings) don't love her so he took the kids over to her house for them to assure her that they do love her. I think that is nutty behavior.

My boyfriend says that for the sake of the kids he needs to keep helping their mother through her episodes. Am I wrong to think that the energy he pours into that situation is not helping anyone and is ehurting us? He has asked me to marry him but I am wary of moving further into a chaotic family situation. I don't want to abandon him but I am unsure of how to proceed, it at all.

I have been dating a wonderful man for 9 months. We have had our share of problems although we respect and admire each other tremendously. He has unresolved financial issues with his ex-wife, a tenuous relationship with his teenage daughter, and an undecided career path. I have tried to be patient while he makes strides in these areas (and he has immensely) but now I find myself annoyed with other (smaller?) things. For instance, when I send him a sexy text message he shares it with others. I find this disrespectful. He has done it twice. Am I being too touchy or is he crossing the line?

I have been dating a wonderful man for a year. He has a teenage daughter and an ex-wife who is an alcoholic and drug addict. The ex has always been exceptionally kind to me and is a sweet woman. My problems with the situation are many: 1) his ex calls or stops by to see my boyfriend just to vent about how miserable she is when she gets drunk. This is daily. 2) My boyfriend and his ex have never discussed drugs and alcohol with their child. They have also played "cover up" when the mother gets drunk and lie to the child about why Mom is unable to do whatever it is she can't do that day. She also drives their daughter while drunk and my boyfriend has never said a word to her about her behavior. 3) they still own property together.

Am I fool to allow this to continue? My boyfriend says he doesn't want to rock the boat too much for fear that their relationship will devolve into animosity. Suggestions?