Thrice-Baked the Third

Sour cream

Cream cheese

Blueberry Filling (21 oz. can)

Ready-Made Crust (Shortbread)

Whipped Topping

Powdered Sugar

I NEVER bake pies. My girl loves blueberry pies and I was hoping to make her one but I have absolutely NO idea what to do with all this stuff - I know I have to pick up regular sugar, but that's about it. How much of each do I use? Will this work with a crust that's already-made? Is it even the right kind of crust for a blueberry pie?

If you can help, I would appreciate it so much! I want to bake something good but I don't know how to use these ingredients, or which ones would be best. Measurements and times would be incredibly helpful. I don't even know if anything really needs to bake since most of the ingredients are ready-made.

Thank you!

I was feeling rather angry this evening, had a good bit of the ol' "ultra-violence" welling up in me as Burgess would say, and I asked y'all for advice. You came through in spades. Problem was, many of your responses included glass-breaking, wall-punching, and other high decibel activity. No can do. Live in an apartment building. Have to be "courteous". Bleah.

Instead, I chose a random neighbor and hung him by his ankles outside the 40th floor of this 50 -story building. He didn't do anything; I don't even know the guy. I just knew that I didn't want to say anything mean to anyone I love, however much they piss me off, or ruin personal property. So I grabbed him, tied him up, and dangled him out there.

Well, now I have another dilemma. I can STILL hear him sobbing and pleading down here on the 5th floor. Should I let him in, or let him spend the morning there, put in some ear plugs and go to sleep? Tormenting the man was grand but I think I still have a wee bit of anger left in me.

All I hear is "God didn't punish Job. He let the devil do it to prove to him that true believes never falter in their faith!"

And I say - why would God need to prove ANYTHING to Satan? Heck, he created Satan! He knew exactly what Satan would do. Alright, fine, he gave Satan a choice. Satan chose B.

If we can all agree that the Biblical devil would get his greatest enjoyment out of seeing someone being tortured for years, then didn't God play right into his hands? Kind of makes you question why, huh? He, according to the Bible (yes, this is a hypothetical) allowed Satan to torture Job to, in essence, win a bet. He allowed a man's children, land and loves to be taken from him and he allowed large, pussy boils to form all over his body just to prove something to Satan?

And you're tired of crying?

Is it better to kill some things/people over others? Does age matter? Race? Religion? Sex? Motion?

And, yes, I know my anger is simply misplaced hurt, even though it is justified. Thing is, I am NOT in the mood to play therapist with it. I'm fine, I'll be fine, don't worry. I just wanna kill something. What should I kill?

Gimme somethin' to kill.

Now.

(And for you lifeless morons who say yourself, go f*ck with someone else. Irony is not your strong point so you may want to skip Jokes & Riddles too).

*Sobs* I didn't to nuttin'! It's not my fault Kallan's beautiful. 'S not my fault she's got a major crush on my hot blue body!

Please, y'all. PLEASE!! Don't let Paddy the C. turn me into a rug! He, he said there'd be blue-covered skin... *sobs, brokenhearted* all over the FLOOR!

*Runs off crying with cookies*

Fine! That's it! I can't TAKE it any longer! I love her! I love Kallan.! The woman is just beautiful, inside, outside, upside-down and in between! I have been so sad about how little I get to see my girlfriend and she wrote me the most beautiful letter - one that made me feel better than I've felt in a long time. She is so full of compassion and goodness I don't even know where to begin any more! And, AND, to top it all off, she's devastatingly beautiful! AAAARGH!! What can I DO?!?

I LOVE YOU, KALLAN.! And yes, I'll be your R&S love anytime, darlin'!

Oh, oh, and you PEG! And Zero! Zero Cool too! And, and Pangloss! And, and, Jack! And, and, and 'Zilla! IWF! Serafim, Patrick (hee hee, whatcha got to say about THAT, Kallan?)... ooh, oh, yes, and KALLAN! Kallan of course! And Moon. Quella! Rammie! Uncle Wayne... Ottoman Empire! Emily L., I, I, I, *Begins to hyperventilate*

Anyone got some Adderal? I'm a bit more nutty than usual this evening. ;-P

Soylent Green is cookies!!

Aaaahhhhhh!!

*Runs away screaming*

Oh... oh yeah. Could God bake a cookie so good it would beat one of mine out?

Why would anyone want to torture another eternally?

Be it because that person has had a tough life, felt more comfortable with fact then faith, learned differently than you, or simply didn't believe in a Christian god: Is this life your only chance? And what of the people who influenced you, who fed the prejudice and bigotry we ALL so often run across? Some people don't ever get to believe they even have a choice. Do they deserve to suffer eternal torment? What if they are truly repentant in hell (if you believe that hell is an actual place rather than just the grave); not to escape but because they realize the error of their ways? Will God forgive their pure souls and send them up to heaven? Eternal torture...

It just sounds so cruel to me.

...Were on board a plane about to crash into the ground with only two parachutes between the three of them, who would survive? And where would the dead one wind up? Heaven? Hell? Valhalla? My parent's house?

Would he or she like chickens?

Just to teach the Yahoo dictatorship what we're made of? Especially now that they seem to have a vendetta against chickens?

You guys go on ahead! Fight! Fight for integrity! Fight for justice! Woot! Woot!

*Runs off and hides, frightened, in corner*

Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say?

And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come.

My loved one would like to do it but we know little of the process. How long does it take? What is the cost? We'd like to do this as soon as possible as she is 49 and I'm afraid she'll begin menopause any day. Your help and your experience is so appreciated.

I will be carrying the embryo as I am younger. If this doesn't pan out we will of course utilize my eggs but I love her so and would prefer to use her eggs if they are viable. I feel it will also be a way of making it feel more natural for her; since I am carrying and nursing she will at least have the knowledge that she is the biological mother. I want our child to have her personality, her beauty, her heart. To carry a little someone inside me with half of her DNA would be the greatest blessing in the world.

Yes, we will use a sperm donor.

Any precautions, stories, and advice is welcome. Thank you!

He certainly sounds like the first documented case. Even Patti Hearst wasn't treated that badly. How better to cope than to sympathize with one's tormentors? And by this I mean not Satan, but the God who took Satan's "challenge" and so merciless he wouldn't even kill the poor man and put him out of his misery. By the time God 'rewarded' Job he was a loony, decrepit, old man with no need of new livestock.

This is what I have learned today:

1. God takes dares. The triple-dog dare is his pet favorite.

2. God's 'mercy' involves torturing a man rather than killing him outright. He likes his 'mercy' to linger.

3. God does only good, Satan does only bad, yet God is "omnipotent". He just lets Satan do bad to prove a point.

4. Which leads me to the big Kahuna - God is a narcissist.

What have YOU learned today, children?

*Tucks hair behind ear prettily and shakes dat thang*

Aye, I'm just a poor wee lassie wit' unstolen booty. What shall I does?

Since Xanax is the evil Xenu in pill form?

And can one substitute an anti-diarrheal to aid in anxiety and depression because, quite clearly, an anti-diarrheal would be the antithesis of what Xenu had in mind about blowing us all up with his nukes? Or must it be auditing yet again? (It's getting bo-ooring, guys).

If you send me $1,953,748 (check, cashier's check, money order, Visa, Amex, MC, Diner's Club, debit card and cash accepted) I will send you out on my Scietologicerrific cruise ship "Makewinds".

Send me the money. Show me the money. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!

Is he that powerful?

It seems that God tormented Job- killed all of his children, took his land, sacrificed his oxen, and covered him head-to-toe in painful, burning boils- to teach Satan a lesson about faith, yet God, being omniscient, should have known that torturing Job would serve absolutely no purpose as anything but a testament to cruelty and that Satan, being Satan-like, would have found the "lesson" to be perfectly hysterical. Was God trying to make Satan even more arrogant by torturing another for him? Or did Satan trick God, thus taking away his omnipotence and rendering him, well... ungodly? Or was God just being a hypocrite, knowing that his torment of Job would change nothing but enjoying the power he had to do it anyway?

Please explain this to me as best you can. I cannot see a good side to it however it is interpreted.

PLEASE READ DETAILS. If they are too long for you, perhaps there is a brief inquiry you might want to skip to.

In response to a question of mine I was told that God had no choice in what happened to Job, that it was Satan's doing. This is obviously not true if God is omnipotent, so he must have had a choice. To put it logically, that choice, if not to "purposely" torture Job, was meant at the very least to teach the devil a lesson. After all, God didn't want Satan thinking that all faith was fear-based, right?

This, however, does not make God's decision any less cruel or horrific. Job believed to a point of pure lunacy. He certainly did believe, alright, but to what end? It's rather like telling a child "She deserved it" over & over again for years after torturing and killing that child's mother in front of him. The child will believe it but what purpose will that serve? If God is omniscient then he already knew Satan wouldn't care a whit about Job's faith or whence it came from.

be, or have been?

He was crucified once, according to the Bible. I think no one should be shocked that he has more than likely been crucified again, or is about to be.

I hear from many Christians that he will be coming down on a soft white cloud that feels just like Charmin but I doubt even Jesus would be that obvious. Acts 1:12 reads "This Jesus, who has been taken away from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go to heaven." In other words, you aren't going to know exactly how, because you're not him and you've never been to heaven.

And if you recognize the Second Coming as symbolic as many mainstream Christians do, you should certainly understand my inquiry and view it not as opposition but as a cry for peace. For anyone and everyone might be Jesus.

I mean why R they so senstivive?

DIdn''t God create Earth as his heaven and give people "free will"? Does this mean they lose that free will once they get to the 'other' Heaven, that they have no choice but to be good and obeying (after all, isn't that what helps get you there? And if that was God's purpose, why did he give us 'free choice" the first time?

A serious question - if you have 'free will' and utilize that as an excuse for why God has had to punish man, then what makes you think things will be any different in this 'other' heaven? I've asked this before but rarely gotten a response from most Christians - if free will is so important to your faith, wouldn't that mean God would be exercising it in heaven and could thus send an 'angel' to Hell any moment he pleased?

Because, really, I see nothing fantastic or safe about Heaven at all.