Mackenzie

Sometimes I just get stuck on things--words, objects, actions, pronunciations--and they are all I can think about.

Just the other week I was watching someone give a presentation at the front of the class and they just drop their paper onto the ground mid-sentence and that paper on the ground was the only thing I could think about. The only thing. That paper on the ground. The paper, laying there, on the ground. The contrast. It needed to not be there.

A more frequent problem is that when someone is talking to me they will say a word. Honestly, it can almost any word, I've had the problem with "the" and "yellow" several times, but the longer the word the worse it gets for me. Anyways they will say the word and I can't help but start writing it on myself with my fingers. The imaginary letters going onto my arms and legs and I will continue doing it until it finally feels right.

Every few nights I have to get up, out of bed, normally before I fall asleep, and go and lock my porch door. I never really open the door though, so it's always locked way before then. And I go over there and I unlock it. And then lock it. Unlock. Lock. Unlock. Lock. But, there are two locks on the door so it starts again. Unlock. Lock. Unlock. Lock. Unlock. Lock.

I will sometimes count my steps, or my breaths, the seconds, the times someone says "um". I will just count whatever is happening and there is no stopping it.

When I get really, really stressed out I start doing math. In my head. On paper. Which ever. And I will sit there, for hours going over the same problem over and over again, changing out the numbers and then redoing it. Or dividing the number five in half. 2.5. 1.25. 0.625. Yes, always 5.

I have HAD to stay up until four in the morning cleaning my bathroom because it's just not "right".

I have had thoughts about the same things over and over again. The same thoughts. Always coming back.

I have to wash my hands four times a day. And put on hand sanitizer every two hours. I have to shower every night.

And the amount of stress I have makes me physically sick.

Now, trust me, I have done a lot of reading on this (another thing that I do and can't help but do) but I just cannot be sure if it's even worth talking to a professional about. Are the symptoms of OCD?

Though it's not completely related I should mention that I have had past problems with intrusive thoughts of self harm and have current problems with depression even now.

I am writing a story that I want to be as accurate as possible. The main character is only 18 but likes to hang out at a gay bar. Them being in high school is essential to the story so I can't change that. Same with the gay bar, it is very much needed to make the story make sense. What I need to know is where this can work. Preferably in London. Of course it would be great if the place could be near (or decently close to) Soho without actually being in Soho. A neighborhood, the borough that it is in and the transportation of the area is all I need. If you guys have any suggestions that would be great. Thanks.

As a young person, age 13, with no reason to hide the fact that I am gay (since my parents definitely think that I am bi, but I'm not cause I kind of find the opposite sex a bit disgusting when it comes to relationships and kissing and well sex...they are just not in my fantasies) I kind of want to come out in the next few months, or years. Of course while my parents are "okay" with me being whoever I am and whatever else they said I know that they kind of don't completely support LGBTQ. Separate from that ever since my mom got it into her head that I was bi she has been trying to keep me from having sleepovers and stuff with some of my best friends. One friend of mine has been my friend since we were in diapers and I honestly have no plans of jumping her straight bones. I need a way of coming out that won't make them think that they have to put me on lock down or keep me from spending time with my friends because my closest friends are not people I can see everyday and our friendships are built off of spending short periods of time at each other's houses or at the mall. And I know that technically if my parents don't want me having sleepovers that is their decision to make since i am under 18 but I know for a fact that I don't plan on raping/having sex with my friends because that would make things pretty awkward. And I know that if it weren't for my gayness they wouldn't find any problem in it. Do I tell them this? How should I come out? Any advice? Thanks in advance...

Well there are a lot of terms for a homo woman. Personally I go with "gay" or "queer" rather than "lesbian" but what do you girls out there like to call yourselves? I know that it is not really a fact based question but I am trying to get a general idea. K, thanks in advance.

I need some help for French homework due tomorrow. The thing I have to do is replace the noun with the proper pronoun.

1) Tu veux bien mettre le sucre sur la table?

In this one it is "le sucre" and something else. Is it "sur la table" or "la table"? And with the one about the table is it "y" or "la"?

2) Tu peux donner des yaourts à Paul?

I know that the first noun to replace is "des yaourts" with en. But the second "a Paul" is either lui or y and I don't know which.

3) In a negative sentence where do I put the pronouns? Like in the sentence "Il n’y a pas de jambon." The pronoun in en but where does it go?

Thank you in advance.

I feel like I might be depressed. And I have felt like this for a few years. I am 13 so I can't exactly go and get a therapist on my own. I could go to the school councilor but that is at school and even though the chances are low someone could over hear the conversation or maybe it would go on my record and I wouldn't be able to get into a good college because of it. I just don't like that idea, at all. For me it actually should be pretty easy to get help in this field since my grandmother is a psychiatrist but if I talk to her about it I will feel really judged. I mean, it is her job but at the same time I just don't really want to talk to my family about it. Clearly to get help I need to talk to my parents and someone but if I tell my mother than she will want me to talk to her mother and I feel really crazy but I don't want to. My father and I just aren't close enough for that, in fact most our conversations don't really scratch the "I can talk to you about my inner most emotions that I have been keeping secret for years" surface. I just don't know how to talk to someone about how I feel and I don't know who to turn to.

I have this idea in my head and I have written so many scenes for it. I am trying to write a story, and the story itself is very emotional with very deep characters and a lot of symbolism. But I keep coming to a problem. Since it is emotional the easiest way to express the emotions is in first person. That creates a problem because the main character dies before the story ends. And I can't switch POV because that creates confusion and I honestly just don't want to deal with that. I could use third person and try and express emotions but I don't know if I can do that well. The final option for me is to write it from a different character's point of view. But this would mean that it would be harder to develop the main character to a point that their death with have a large impact... Except if I use the MC's love interest as the narrator, because they could convey emotion but it would make it hard because the love interest dies as well at the end (which is actually the end of the book) so actually that could be the way to do it. Yet I would still have the developing of character problem and the fact that for the plot to make sense I need to have at least some of the back story in there... Any advice would be greatly helpful. I don't think this question makes any sense so sorry about that. I was writing it as ideas came to mind...

I am wondering about how people look at depression. I know that some people don't think it's real and that some do. If you guys could please state your opinion and defend it that would be great!

I am writing this story and cannot pick a name for one of my characters. He is male and his name has be musically inspired and work decently with the last name Reid. Think 70's rock. Of course I have some ideas so if you guys could like rate them and give me some more ideas that would be pretty helpful:

-Edge (this one may be a bit out there since I don't know how many people will see this)

-Fleet

-Floyd

-Halen

-Harrison

-Hendrix

-Jett

-Jude

-Joplin

-Jovi

-Mac

-Ramone

-Van

-Zeppelin

-Van Halen

So any other suggestions would be a huge help and by rating these or giving a list of your favorites will really be kind.

I have been thinking of getting some pride stuff and the rainbow things are always very cool. So I decided to put in a little research. Some websites were saying that the rainbow flag was for homosexuals and others were saying that it is for the LGBT community. So now I am just wondering which it is and if you could help that would be awesome. :)

I mean, I literally can't go to a football game without getting yelled at by a short person standing on a chair that I am not good enough, but luckily God is better. Not to mention that in my lovely homophobic school people like to throw the words "God", "Jesus" and "sin" into every sentence. Literally. Even about things that have nothing to do with religion.

People throw religion in the faces of innocent people, and really why are they doing that? Will some short guy on a chair make me join a church and praise God? No. It will not. And I am pretty sure that most people can agree with me there.

I have nothing against religion. I have something against people who throw their religion at me, people that force their beliefs on me, people that use their religion as an excuse to hate others, people that use religion as a weapon. And I know that not everyone does this. And I know that some religious people are awesome and stuff but I just don't get religion. Why is it there? And why do some people force their religion on the rest of us?

Like, I was born as a female but have never thought of myself as a girl. Or a boy. And I am just very confused about myself because I really couldn't find anything about this. I not only don't think of myself as a gender but I hate it when people start calling me a girl or saying I can't do something because I am not a boy. Honestly I have always looked feminine with long hair (though I am considering cutting it short) and that has never bothered me. It's more my thoughts and mentality. Also my hatred of being classified as a gender. Is there like a word for this or something?

Some people wear a black ring on their right middle finger? Do you know what this means? OK. I already know but I am wondering how many people know... It's a bad way to test it but I just kind of need to know...

Basically I had this friend and he did somethings to upset me, on purpose. He insulted me and called me ugly because he was mad that I got a boyfriend. Personally, I have been raised to laugh off words and not take anything anyone says to heart but at the same time I hate being around people that don't have any respect for me at all. Since he said those things he has been calling and texting nonstop. When school started again it got worse. And I kind of feel guilty for being so harsh on him. At the same time I don't because he hasn't come up and talked to me in person, but he has apologized, like, a hundred times. But I was never mad at him so I can't just forgive and forget. It's more like I just wanted to distance myself from him. Now I just don't know what to do because I feel bad but I also suck at just moving on from things... even though I am not upset or mad he was still rude to me in a way that I have had to deal with almost everyday of my life and I really cannot take many more people treating me like that. What should I do?

So, I am a music-addict and I have been thinking about getting a record player for a while I am just not sure on a few things.

-do they still make vinyls of albums?

-would it be easy to find older vinyls?

-how much to record players normally cost?

-where can you buy one?

-where can you buy vinyls?

Ok. I know. I don't know much on the subject but that is because I am young and have only seen one in real life (my parent's old one, I think it's broken...). But really I do want to know some opinions and any useful information you guys have on this. :)

I am 13 and almost self-harmed. I was at the point where I had a razor blade in my hand and was about to cut, I talked myself out of it but I realized that I really need help. I want to tell my parents, though I don't want them to judge me. I really need advice on this.

I'm soooo bored and I want to draw! But I don't know what to draw. I'm pretty good at the the manga style art so that would be good but I'm also good at drawing realistic style. I just need an idea. Also if your going to say a person then say what angle it should be drawn at. Just no animals...

My dad has a very bad temper. I remember that when I was little he would yell at me and make me cry. This happened until I was about eight. When I was eight I started yelling back and not crying. A few years ago he hurt my little brother. When I or my mother get in a argument he will walk away and slam a door but in a few minutes he will come back and yell again. He will do that several times. I can remember that he has threatened to throw my toys and books away in the past. He yells about the silliest things. It has become a common accurance for me (and sometimes my brother) to lock our/myself in my room and hide from him until my mom gets home.

Is this abusive?

What should I do?

I am a middle school girl. I have plenty of friends, in fact if you asked me I would say that I have way to many, so I never understood why I am sad.

I recently noticed that I tend to hide my emotions and bottle up my feelings. And not only the bad ones. My friends would never guess that I can be extremely happy, confused, surprised, scared, sad or really anything but slightly happy and very uncaring.

In fact I am at a point where I can't even cry anymore. I've heard that it is good for you to cry but unless I break my leg or arm I probably won't be crying anytime soon.

I am both happy and sad but apparently I tend to come off as bored, un caring and pissed. In fact some kid told me that they thought I was depressed. But I am not.

I don't even know how I started this. I think it might have something to do with my worse than normal past.

All I can say for sure is that I do bottle up my feeling. I truly feel like I am a time bomb sometimes. Yet, I can not even imagine how I can start expressing my self when I can't even tell myself how I feel.

I guess I am just sick of wondering why I am hiding my emotions from everyone including me.

So does anyone know why?

My dad's northwestern European genes gave me never tanning always burning skin that is very light. I almost want it to be lighter though. I am very cautious when it comes to chemically lightening my skin though. It is already naturally pale so I am afraid that it will damage my skin or lighten it too far. I am a person who wears sunscreen everyday, both winter and summer to avoid getting burnt to a crisp when I walk outside. It is good not to be burnt but it doesn't seem to lighten my skin any. Is this notmal? Am I already to pale to notice a diffrence? Should I just go with the chemicals? Will my skin lighten if I stick with the suncreen? Please help!!!