This, That & such

I've noticed lately that after having several sessions of love making with my wife I get a small cut on my foreskin every now and then. It hurts even when member is not erect, any Ideas ????????

Hi anybody in the Arizona/California Area know about Vigen Thermal Massage beds? I need to buy one for the wife. They offer free trials/treatments and if you like them, you can buy one. Unfortunately they left the Phoenix, AZ area before I had enough money to buy one. They said they were moving to Casa Grande, AZ, but have no luck finding them. They also said they had various locations in California, LA & SD area. Anybody know, thanks ?

OK,

Last year I asked this question and got a lot of great answers.

BTW THANKS !

My wife's b-day is Feb 10 and Valentines is Feb 14 of course. I usually or really never have celebrated both in one shot. I do something special for her b-day and something extra special for valentines, but I' running out of Ideas. Help please ?

Anybody got some great Ideas to do something for her on her birthday and then work-up to something better on V-day.

Thanks !

Never Choke, in a restaurant, in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they

Talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to

Cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in

Real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down

Her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his

Tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the

Obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the

Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind LickManeuver'

But I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

Have rented a place to open up a church. Will be open three days a week say 3 hours twice a week and 4 hours on Sunday = roughly 10 hours a week. Inside the same building one of the members is opening up a bookstore. 9 to 6 Monday through Saturday = 54 to 60 hours a week. The church will charge them rent and 75 % of electricity bill. I was wondering if this sounds alright or should they pay for all the bill seeing that they will have lights and A/C on most of the time ?

And no the proceeds of the bookstore will not go into the church fund.

Star if Funny, lol

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given

name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,

"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good

morning, Onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he

made love to her all day and all night.

He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from

exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw

Onestone.

She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Moral of the story “You can’t kill two birds with one stone”

lol

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife

goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer

happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''

Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been

expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

couch,and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.

You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh ..equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.........

What does it mean when a guy takes his hat off and offers it to a lady ? I know these seems kind of a weird question, but I destinctly remember that it means something in certain cultures.

Thanks for your help.

Jane remembers that tomorrow she has to go to her gyno for her yearly checkup and wants to make sure she takes extra care in the morning before she leaves. Well next day with all the hussel and bussel of the morning routine breakfast, sending her husband off to work and the kids to school, it gets kind of late for Jane to take extra care of herself and just takes the wash cloth next to the sink and cleans up. She rushes to the car and off to the Doctor's office. During her examination the Doctor says hmmmmm, took extra care this morning did ya ? Jane ignores the comment and goes home when he's finished. She gets home as little sally arrives from school. Sally asks her mom,"Mom where is the wash cloth that I left next to the sink ?" Jane replys, "Don't worry honey just get a new one from the laundry room." "No mom I want the one that was next to the sink, it had my glitter and shiny stars on it"

Bubba gets in a car accident and dies. He face face is completely destroyed.While at the morge, all they find on him are two phone numbers. The Doc calls the first one in and Stan comes in to ID the body. The Doc asks him if he knows who's body this. Stan says well it looks like Bubba, but to make sure, can you turn the body around. Stan takes a look and says, Nop that ain't Bubba, I don't know who it is. Then the Doc calls the second number. Earl comes in to ID the body. Earl says, well it looks like Bubba, but to make sure can you turn him over. The body is turned over and Earl says, nop that ain't Bubba. The Doc now frustrated asks Earl, Now how can you tell if this Bubba or not by looking at his backside ? Well says Earl, eventhough I never saw it myself, nut everytime we walked into a bar, the folks there would say

Oh no, here comes Bubba with his two a$ $ holes !

Every year I give my wife a double present. One on feb 10, her B-day and a dinner, a gift or a trip on Valentines, what can I do to make it better this year ?

I've noticed lately that yahoo alerts me that I have reached my limit after 2 or 3 questions when I'm on a level that I can answer many, amny more. What's going on ?

If you've been naughty or nice. What list (naughty or nice) would I add you to and what would you want for xmas ?

What would you get me for Christmas ? HUH, HUH ?

Do women develope an antidote when a husband/boyfriend showers them with flowers and gifts?

It seems the more flowers and gifts I give my wife, the less and less gratitude there seems to be.

What do you think makes someome open fire on kids, on top of being crazy ?

Come on people a lot of you guys are acting like you're someone else or leading out your fantasy person. How many of you are true blue and how many of you are elephant pink ?

You have two fathers and two sons and three apples. They each get a whole apple is this possible ?

First right answer gets 10 pts !