Blenderhead

If you get a commission through the ROTC or join the service at some point after college to become an officer, how long do you have to serve for? How much is active duty versus reserve duty? I'm more interested in the US army, but am curious about other branches, too. Thanks!

A while ago, I joined a social group and developed a crush on a woman I met there (we're post-college adults). We both enjoyed talking to each other and it seemed that was mutual flirtation, so I worked up the nerve to ask her out on a date, about two months ago.

The date seemed like it went well. We had dinner and a nice conversation. But, when I suggested getting together again, she said she thought it best that we stay just friends. I said I was disappointed, but didn't press further. After that, she went on some dates with guys from online.

However, a few weeks later, she called me out of the blue and invited me out to dinner with some other friends. Since then, we keep seeing each other in the same group, and she acts like she's attracted to me, to the point where another friend noticed her body language and said "dude, she's into you".

Women, what do you think is going on? Should I play it cool and let her come to me? Keep the flirting going? Try asking her out again? I hate having to play the game of being the backup guy and I kinda feel like the ball's in her court now, but that's just me.

Recently, I asked an acquaintance from a group we both belong to out on a date. We'd kind of been flirting for a while. She said yes, and it seemed like the date went really well.

The next day, I emailed her to say that I'd had a great time and would think of some second date ideas for when she got back to town (she's going to visit family this weekend). I was hoping that she'd take that as a cue to say "sounds great!" or "no, thanks, one date was enough", but she hasn't replied at all.

Does that mean "not interested", or should I take the fact that the date itself went well as a good sign? I hate trying to pursue women who start off as ambivalent, but on the other hand, maybe I'm overreacting to not getting a reply.

Last week, I had first dates with two different women, one who got in touch with me through an online dating site, and one who I met through a friend. Both dates seemed to go well and I'd like to see each again, until I know them better. Any advice on how to handle it? If I end up seeing both a few more times, should I be open with them about this? I don't want lead anyone on, but I don't want to burn any bridges, either.

A woman professes (with complete honesty) that she finds a man physically attractive and likes him as a friend, but doesn't feel drawn to him romantically. Everything about the guy is fine -- he's stable, nice, capable, available, etc. -- but she just can't get into him "in that way".

Women, why does this happen? For men, if we like someone as a friend and think she's cute, that's usually the whole romantic checklist. I can't help but feel that attraction works somewhat differently for women. Help me understand!

I've been running regularly for about five years. I'm 32 and do 5 - 6 miles in my workout. Lately, though, my knees have been starting to hurt. Not a lot, but enough to get me worried about stressing them.

Can anyone suggest exercises or other solutions that will help me keep the strain off? I want to still be running in my 50s.

I had very strong feeling towards a particular friend of mine for a long time, but my efforts to date her never went anywhere. She said she liked me a lot, was attracted to me, but for some reason just wasn't feeling it. I thought I was finally okay with this. Then, yesterday, she told me she'd started seeing another mutual friend. It came out of nowhere -- they'd just been strictly friends as well, but suddenly some random flirting turned into dating.

She seemed to anticipate that this news would upset me, and it did. I value their friendships, but right now, I can't stand the idea of seeing either one, let alone both of them together. It's really got me in a bad state. Thoughts?

I dated someone for a little bit two years ago and felt like we weren't connecting, so I broke it off, which hurt her. We remained friends, but not close. However, lately, I've been seeing more of her, and I've realized it was a mistake not to have stayed with her. A few weeks back, I invited her over for dinner. It felt like a date -- she even wore an attractive outfit.

Then things went into crisis mode at her job, and she disappeared for a few weeks. Also, her replies to my emails were really short (if she did reply) -- I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I stopped pestering her. But, last weekend, she invited me over to her apartment to hang out and watch some movies. We had a good time, but I'm not sure if it was a date (and I didn't work up the nerve to ask). I emailed her an invite to a music festival this weekend, but she said it wasn't her kind of thing and declined. I asked her if she had other plans, but she hasn't replied.

Any opinions on what's going on with her?

I'm having my birthday next week (dinner and drinks). I want to invite the last woman I dated, as we're still friends. I also invited a friend that I'm interested in romantically and who I actually briefly dated a while ago. Anyone think this might cause awkwardness, or no? Both of them are aware of my past involvement with the other. The more recent ex was seeing someone else, but they might not be together anymore.

Some friends and I are doing this in a few weeks. One team will be cooking in my friend's kitchen, one team in mine. Anyone have any thoughts on how to organize? The main issue is figuring out a good base set of ingredients that both teams can have, so we have lots of options but don't go overboard on spending. Also, there will be a few vegetarians attending.

In 2005, I dated someone briefly and broke up with her because I had strong feelings towards someone else. She really liked me, but I just didn't appreciate it at the time because I was so hung up on this other woman (who she knew about). Time went on and we stayed friends, though not close friends. At one point, I didn't see her for about six months.

Now, she's single again and has been hanging out with the group once more. I sense that she's still attracted to me, and I'd love to ask her out again. But I'm not sure how. There's a definite "distance" vibe that comes across when I hint at wanting to see her again, though she's been game for group activities and our interactions are positive in that setting. The distance is understandable, as I didn't give her feelings too much thought in 2005 and hurt her. But I want to tell her that I'm sorry and that my feelings are a lot different now (without making it too awkward).

How to proceed?

I'm looking for short, inspirational teachings/proverbs/quotes from different religions about starting over, beginning fresh, letting go of the past and moving forward, making changes in one's life. This is for a New Year-related talk.

If anyone has any favorites that come to mind, I'd very much appreciate hearing them. They don't even have to be strictly religious in source -- philosophical wisdom is good, too.

Thanks!!

The other day, one friend emailed myself and several other friends about getting together to hang out in a week. I replied to his question, then told everyone on the email list that, by the way, I had just gotten a new job (after several months of unemployment), and was pretty excited about it.

Several people didn't say congratulations or anything at all! I'm a little hurt and a little ticked, especially as these are people I've had over to my place and given two hour rides in my car.

Does anyone think the lack of response was rude, or am I overreacting?

I'm looking for a new job again. The other day, I contacted my manager at my second-most recent employer and asked him to be a reference. He declined, saying that he thought I was a great guy and had a lot of potential, but wasn't comfortable being a reference for me. To be honest, my work wasn't the greatest at that company -- I had an illness in the family and lost focus somewhat at work -- but having to explain a lack of a ref. is a problem. Suggestions on how to handle?

Is asking someone to be a character reference only better or worse than having no reference at all?

I'm on okaycupid, have tried match.com before. Can anyone recommend some other good sites? Desired features:

* Lots of members in big urban areas, preferably 20s-30s, somewhat hip

* Cheap or free

* Plenty of space for description and photos

* Compatibility tests

Thanks! I figure if I'm trying online dating again, I might as well cast a nets into a few different pools.

I own a number of stocks, mutual funds, and ETFs through Schwab, which I follow on Schwab's website. But I'd like to get a more sophisticated tool, something that allows me to download price and volume data onto my own computer, so I can generate lots of charts and do a bit of technical analysis. I'm definitely not a day trader, but I'd like to do more of the "buy and hold for a few weeks then sell" style of trading. Plus, it would be useful to keep tabs on my various buys and sells, so I can easily compute how much profit or loss I've made on a given position. I've done things like buy 1000 shares of XYZ, then later sell 300 shares of XYZ, then later buy 200 shares of XYZ. Can anyone recommend a good software tool for this? I don't mind paying for it, if it fits my needs.

I understand HTML reasonably well, but I'd like a tool that makes it easy to mess around with page layouts, images, styles and so forth. My goal is to mix pictures and text in a way that looks fairly stylish and doesn't involve the tool adding a lot of unnecessary crap to the HTML source. I've tried OpenOffice, but the interface is clunky and some of my pages are messed up when viewed with Firefox.

I'm a software developer, and have spent the past several years working in the not-very-stable videogame business. So, my resume includes a number of short stints at companies that were losing money in a big way. In videogames, this is normal, and no employer really cares if you've been at a lot of other firms. However, I've made up mind to get out of that field and do something different. Do I tell potential employers in other businesses that I wasn't fired from two recent companies on my resume, but that the companies had problems that led to my being let go? (Or in two other cases, that I chose not to extend a contract position to full employment?) Currently, I'm NOT explaining these issues on my resume.

I'm 31 and have been working as a software developer for a while. Lately, I've been wondering about going back to school for a master's, but I'm not sure what I'd have to do to get into a grad program. My undergrad days were back in the 90s, and I wasn't more than an average student, albeit at a pretty good school. My professional resume is a bit spotty, too -- for the past few years, I've been at a number of not-very-stable companies and haven't avoided layoffs long enough to have made much of an impression with any recent employer. Any thoughts? I'm not necessarily bent on going back to school right now, but I'd like to hear opinions on what someone like me would have to do to get into a reasonably good grad program. How important are references and previous work in a field?

I like a certain friend a lot. I've been fairly obvious about my attraction all along, and she has said that she likes me very much, finds me attractive, and thinks we have a lot in common. Yet, she also thinks a relationship between us would be "weird".

I totally don't get it. I've always thought we be a great match, and she has kept hanging out with me, even though at one point, I all but came out and told her was in love with her.

I do care about her as a friend, of course, but it's hard to be "just friends" when you really want it to go further. So, I recently told her that I needed some space from her for exactly that reason, and we haven't seen each other much since.

Anyone think there's hope of changing her mind about romance? (She broke up with a serious boyfriend, but that was like two years ago, and there seems to be no one else in the picture.) Or should I just get over myself and try to be her friend, if that's all she wants?