Karenina

So I've considered getting my nipples (one or both, not sure yet) pierced for a while, and I'm thinking this summer is a good time to take the plunge. I've done a lot of research, but I'd like a bit of general advice - failing that, opinions.

I'm going to China to teach English to middle/high school students for three months. Although I will be living with other westerners, I will be working closely with Chinese employees at the school I am teaching at. Doubtlessly, the subject of my personal life, specifically, "Do you have a partner?" will come up. Although I have absolutely no problem being open about my homosexuality in the UK, I don't really know much about the attitudes to homosexuality in China. I've heard a lot of mixed views on it - Wikipedia says that about 69% of people are against homosexuality, while only 17% are okay with it, I've heard horror stories about one guy who was told he could be fired from his job if his boss knew he was gay, there is no legal recognition of same-sex relationships or partnerships and no anti discrimination laws. So according to all that, it sounds like kind of a bad idea to be open - but then what on Earth do I tell my colleagues or my students if they ask?

I'm going to China to teach English to middle/high school students for three months. Although I will be living with other westerners, I will be working closely with Chinese employees at the school I am teaching at. Doubtlessly, the subject of my personal life, specifically, "Do you have a partner?" will come up. Although I have absolutely no problem being open about my homosexuality in the UK, I don't really know much about the attitudes to homosexuality in China. I've heard a lot of mixed views on it - Wikipedia says that about 69% of people are against homosexuality, while only 17% are okay with it, I've heard horror stories about one guy who was told he could be fired from his job if his boss knew he was gay, there is no legal recognition of same-sex relationships or partnerships and no anti discrimination laws. So according to all that, it sounds like kind of a bad idea to be open - but then what on Earth do I tell my colleagues or my students if they ask?

A couple of months ago, I made a friend over the internet, we exchanged emails and Skype names, confirmed we weren't random pedophiles, et cetera. Fairly standard. I don't spend a lot of time with my friends at school because I'm so busy with my duties, and I spend a lot of time on my computer at home when I'm not out somewhere, but what 17 year old isn't? We got closer and closer, talking every day, and eventually we decided to meet. She lives in another country, so she came to stay with me for a few days before I went back to her home country with her. Everything was fine, and I had an excellent time. I was happier with her than I have been in a very long time.

Before we met in person, we used to flirt a bit. I never hid the fact I'm a lesbian from her - or anyone, actually, she never disclosed her own sexuality to me, but based on the flirting I kind of assumed she was bisexual or gay - but we flirted anyway, always signing off with a kiss and a smiley face. When we were together, it was like there were no physical boundaries. We kind of snuggled, held hands, I sat on her lap a couple of times, and in her apartment it was like we were living together; watching tv together, eating together, going to school together, going on walks, doing everything together. I can't express how content I was just being domestic like that. Going home was incredibly painful, and I cried most of the way home on the plane. I might possibly be the teeniest bit in love with her, but thing is - I don't really want to be. Because I can't see her, and I know that it only hurts (because it does) to not be able to just hold her hand, or lean against her, or just chat with our voices rather than via instant messaging.

Thing is, the flirting has stopped. She never signs off with a smiley and a kiss. I'm on my computer as soon as I get home, but she's on about half the amount of time she was on before meeting me in person. I...get the impression I was just an experiment or a phase, and that she's trying to shake me. I'd love to go back to her country and I'd love to see her again, but I don't know if she wants to see me, and not being wanted is horrible.

I can't ask her outright. That's too blunt. But I have no idea what to do.

A couple of months ago, I made a friend over the internet, we exchanged emails and Skype names, confirmed we weren't random pedophiles, et cetera. Fairly standard. I don't spend a lot of time with my friends at school because I'm so busy with my duties, and I spend a lot of time on my computer at home when I'm not out somewhere, but what 17 year old isn't? We got closer and closer, talking every day, and eventually we decided to meet. She lives in another country, so she came to stay with me for a few days before I went back to her home country with her. Everything was fine, and I had an excellent time. I was happier with her than I have been in a very long time.

Before we met in person, we used to flirt a bit. I never hid the fact I'm a lesbian from her - or anyone, actually, she never disclosed her own sexuality to me, but based on the flirting I kind of assumed she was bisexual or gay - but we flirted anyway, always signing off with a kiss and a smiley face. When we were together, it was like there were no physical boundaries. We kind of snuggled, held hands, I sat on her lap a couple of times, and in her apartment it was like we were living together; watching tv together, eating together, going to school together, going on walks, doing everything together. I can't express how content I was just being domestic like that. Going home was incredibly painful, and I cried most of the way home on the plane. I might possibly be the teeniest bit in love with her, but thing is - I don't really want to be. Because I can't see her, and I know that it only hurts (because it does) to not be able to just hold her hand, or lean against her, or just chat with our voices rather than via instant messaging.

Thing is, the flirting has stopped. She never signs off with a smiley and a kiss. I'm on my computer as soon as I get home, but she's on about half the amount of time she was on before meeting me in person. I...get the impression I was just an experiment or a phase, and that she's trying to shake me. I'd love to go back to her country and I'd love to see her again, but I don't know if she wants to see me, and not being wanted is horrible.

I can't ask her outright. That's too blunt. But I have no idea what to do.

I suppose I've never technically come out to my parents - or more specifically, my mother, since my father is still convinced I'm about nine. I'm out as a lesbian to a group of friends I rarely see, but that's literally about it. Mostly because I had a rather horrible experience in trying to come out to a friend of mine and she basically freaked out and I had to go back on everything I said just to salvage our relationship and it really, really hurt and I regret it. But the point is, I've never sat down with my mother and said, "Hey, I'm a lesbian".

I have, however, sort of been mostly out...all my life. I've never been a girly girl, I've always preferred my brothers clothes over my own, and I've never been able to see myself marrying and having a stack of kids with a theoretical husband ad nauseam. More recently, my body has decided to switch its hormones on, and girls suddenly smell good, not boys. And I'm not the worlds most subtle (or sensible) person, so I've never explicitly disguised my crush on Lady GaGa or failed to point out how hot Taylor Swift is or why actresses with **** are better. It's not some random phase.

I have, however, had phases. I had a goth phase for about a year. I'm out of that and over it, but my wardrobe is still mainly dark. That was just a silly teenage phase, and I accept that. I've always been a bit crazy. But because of that, my mother seems convinced that I'll grow out of liking girls and suddenly develop attraction to the opposite sex.

Other than sticking it out (for the rest of my life) and talking to her, is there anything else I can do?

I'm a fifteen year old girl who likes to steal her little brother's clothes. However, I'm kind of wary about actually wearing his clothes out, wearing them with my extremely conservative (read narrow minded) friends, and actually buying my own clothes. My brother is growing. A lot. He's at the stage where he's shooting up really fast, and he's outgrowing his clothes really fast. I'm salvaging what I can, but I can only get so much. My boobs and hips are pretty narrow, so I don't have to worry about popping out of his t-shirts (which I wouldn't anyway because they're about the right size for me regardless of boobage), but I can't get trousers off him. Most of my trousers are either skinny jeans or straight-leg jeans, excluding my posh suits.

Is it weird for me to go into a regular shop and look in the men's section for trousers for myself? I can't just go shopping on my own, so if I want to go somewhere locally I have to go with my friends, all of whom are currently in the dark about my sexuality and my cross-dressing. It would be majorly awkward around them. My other friends, who I barely ever see, know about both and are fine with it. I'm actually taking one of them to prom in a tux as a date. In an ideal world, I would wear the boy's uniform to school (we have separate uniforms for boys and girls), but since I'm going into the sixth form next year where I just wear suits all the time, it isn't really worth buying a new blazer. I would also probably be sent home.

Can I just buy guy's clothes from shops?

Would it be weird if I tried them on there?

Who can I actually shop with? I'm going to a gig next weekend with my non-girlfriend and I'm probably going to end up cross-dressing to it, but I want to surprise her. This means it's either my mother (awkward city) or my narrow-minded friends (awkward city + rejection city = lack of friendsville).

I get that this is very personal, but using the anonymity of cyberspace, would anyone be willing to tell me about their first sexual experience? Don't go into huge amount of detail, I do not need to know all the specifics. If I wanted erotica I would google it.

Thanks :)

I get that this is very personal, but using the anonymity of cyberspace, would anyone be willing to tell me about their first sexual experience? Don't go into huge amount of detail, I do not need to know all the specifics. If I wanted erotica I would google it.

Thanks :)

It all started two days ago with a guy who I know has a massive crush on me asking me to prom, even though I'm gay (which he should have realized by now. I haven't exactly been hiding it). I said no politely, and proceeded to text my friend Ruth all about it. We're close. We've known each other since we were about nine, but we only really got to see each other in the summer until we were 13, when we started seeing each other outside of summer camp. The joke going around camp was that we were dating, and we played along and acted like it.

You see, everyone on the camps has known each other for ages, so there is a natural kind of pair-bonding thing, where couples split off from the group either intentionally or by choice. Katie and Chris, Kate and Ben, Emily and Ben K, me and Ruth. And, as what probably happens at a lot of large gatherings of teenagers, there is kissing, groping and making out, either by choice or dare. For me and Ruth, kissing was predominantly by dare...except the biting. That was choice.

So, I asked Ruth to prom. And she said yes. I actually did a little twirl when she said yes. I hadn't realized how much I wanted her to say yes until she actually did. We're meeting up on Saturday. Even though she doesn't go to my school, I'm going to bring her to prom if it kills me. We've been texting and facebook-ing almost constantly since, and a lot of our texts are ending in 'xxx' or '♥♥♥'. Am I developing a little crush on Ruth?

Ruth's bisexual. Neither of us usually end texts in 'xxx' or '♥♥♥', so this is kind of unusual for me.

It all started two days ago with a guy who I know has a massive crush on me asking me to prom, even though I'm gay (which he should have realized by now. I haven't exactly been hiding it). I said no politely, and proceeded to text my friend Ruth all about it. We're close. We've known each other since we were about nine, but we only really got to see each other in the summer until we were 13, when we started seeing each other outside of summer camp. The joke going around camp was that we were dating, and we played along and acted like it.

You see, everyone on the camps has known each other for ages, so there is a natural kind of pair-bonding thing, where couples split off from the group either intentionally or by choice. Katie and Chris, Kate and Ben, Emily and Ben K, me and Ruth. And, as what probably happens at a lot of large gatherings of teenagers, there is kissing, groping and making out, either by choice or dare. For me and Ruth, kissing was predominantly by dare...except the biting. That was choice.

So, I asked Ruth to prom. And she said yes. I actually did a little twirl when she said yes. I hadn't realized how much I wanted her to say yes until she actually did. We're meeting up on Saturday. Even though she doesn't go to my school, I'm going to bring her to prom if it kills me. We've been texting and facebook-ing almost constantly since, and a lot of our texts are ending in 'xxx' or '♥♥♥'. Am I developing a little crush on Ruth?

i did it once when i was about thirteen with a broken pencil sharpener blade at school. it was so easy, and the endorphins were great. i had to wear arm warmers for two weeks for the cuts to heal.

i did it again last night, the first time in three years. im not sure why i did it, but the endorphin rush was there again and it was still great. i cut the outside of my wrist and my ankle and the underside of my breast.

i don't want to do it again...but i do. theres the temptation hanging over me. the broken razor is in the desk across the room. im not suicidal. how do i stop before i get addicted to it? i don't want to be the emo girl.

My friend chris texted me this morning about forming a pagan group. He suggested we form one together since he knows I've dabbled in Wicca before and own several implements (my book of shadows, pentacles, crystals, spell recipes), and that we could be the leaders of the coven because we founded it. He sounds like he's getting really into it. I've been into Wicca for about two years now, but I've never been a part of a coven or even practiced very seriously to be honest. It just always attracted me because of the connection with nature.

Problem is, I'm not sure if I should. Chris is a bit off-the-rails, and I don't want to get involved in it if it will end badly. We joked about sacrifice a bit, but I hope he knows I wouldn't really kill anything. I don't think he thinks of paganism as a way to get people into bed with him (I'm a lesbian - I wouldn't get into bed with him if he paid me), but I don't know how serious he is. It will also involve lying to my mother, since she and the rest of my family are Catholic. I also don't know many of his friends, but some of them (from what he's told me) are not the kind of person I want to be in the same room as.

So what should I do? When I talked to him he didn't really have a definite idea about what we're going to do. He's suggested we celebrate the winter solstice (yule). Maybe I should help him out with that as a trial run, then decide from that if I want to be involved?

My friend chris texted me this morning about forming a pagan group. He suggested we form one together since he knows I've dabbled in Wicca before and own several implements (my book of shadows, pentacles, crystals, spell recipes), and that we could be the leaders of the coven because we founded it. He sounds like he's getting really into it. I've been into Wicca for about two years now, but I've never been a part of a coven or even practiced very seriously to be honest. It just always attracted me because of the connection with nature.

Problem is, I'm not sure if I should. Chris is a bit off-the-rails, and I don't want to get involved in it if it will end badly. We joked about sacrifice a bit, but I hope he knows I wouldn't really kill anything. I don't think he thinks of paganism as a way to get people into bed with him, but I don't know how serious he is. It will also involve lying to my mother, since she and the rest of my family are Catholic. I also don't know many of his friends, but some of them (from what he's told me) are not the kind of person I want to be in the same room as.

So what should I do? When I talked to him he didn't really have a definite idea about what we're going to do. He's suggested we celebrate the winter solstice (yule). Maybe I should help him out with that as a trial run, then decide from that if I want to be involved?

My friend chris texted me this morning about forming a pagan group. He suggested we form one together since he knows I've dabbled in Wicca before and own several implements (my book of shadows, pentacles, crystals, spell recipes), and that we could be the leaders of the coven because we founded it. He sounds like he's getting really into it. I've been into Wicca for about two years now, but I've never been a part of a coven or even practiced very seriously to be honest. It just always attracted me because of the connection with nature.

Problem is, I'm not sure if I should. Chris is a bit off-the-rails, and I don't want to get involved in it if it will end badly. We joked about sacrifice a bit, but I hope he knows I wouldn't really kill anything. I don't think he thinks of paganism as a way to get people into bed with him, but I don't know how serious he is. It will also involve lying to my mother, since she and the rest of my family are Catholic. I also don't know many of his friends, but some of them (from what he's told me) are not the kind of person I want to be in the same room as.

So what should I do? When I talked to him he didn't really have a definite idea about what we're going to do. He's suggested we celebrate the winter solstice (yule). Maybe I should help him out with that as a trial run, then decide from that if I want to be involved?

Prom isn't actually until summer, but the tickets go on sale after christmas, and I have practically an entire month of exams in December, so I have all of three and a half weeks left. Now is the ideal time to decide who you're going to go with. My school doesn't let anyone from outside of the school come to prom because the last time they did the outsider spiked the drinks with vodka. There is a couples discount of about £10, which is pretty good considering how one ticket is £15, so two singles would be £20. Minus the couples discount, and you're practically paying for one person. It's worth it.

I'm a lesbian, and my friend Nate is gay. He came out before me, and he was really great about it. He kind of inspired me to come out as well. He has a boyfriend outside of school, but as far as we know, we're the only two openly gay kids in our year group. I have a non-girlfriend, but she goes to another school and lives in London, therefore is out of the question.

So I was wondering if it would be weird for us to go together. I'm into the whole cross dressing thing, so I'm not wearing a dress, I'm wearing a tux. I suggested jokingly that I could go in a tux and he could go in a dress, but I think we might get kicked out. I'm a little worried that people will think we're into each other, when we're clearly not. Probably not, but it's just a thing. So any advice?

I'm having five friends over in October. I've known most of them since I was a kid, and we meet up every year on camps because we all live quite far away from each other. All through last year, we met up at each others houses and in Camden and other places to hang out and spend time together, and we intend to keep that tradition going because two of us aren't going next year to the camp. In october it's my turn, my first turn, to have everyone over.

I came out to these people last year, and because they're fantastically lovely people who've known me for years and years, they accepted me and don't hold it against me or anything. One of them is bicurious, and she says it's all down to me that she is because my homosexuality is what made her question her sexuality. However, I'm introducing them to my school friends, Jen, Lucy and Gina.

I'm not out to my school friends. Lucy suspects, but she's too quiet and reserved to actually ask me head on, but she's liberal and cool enough not to reject me on suspicion. Gina isn't so smart, so she probably hasn't noticed anything. Jen, who is my best friend in school, is very homophobic because of her super annoying fanatical christian beliefs. I tried to come out to her last year in the hope that having a gay friend would make a difference, and that she could see past the apparent 'sin' and see the person underneath and their life as something good. However, I was wrong and covered it up super fast. She bought it, and I went home and cried for about two months. Then I got up and forced myself to get over it, but it made me hate her more and more, knowing she's instantly reject me if I tried to be myself and be honest around her.

So I'm having my liberal friends over, who will meet my homophobic friend. Something is bound to happen. If they inadvertently out me to Jen, I'm screwed. If I inadvertently out me to Jen, I'm screwed. Me and my liberal friends are all comfortable with our sexualities, my first real sexual experience was with them, and we've all grown up with each other so a bit of playful groping isn't unusual, but if I forget Jen is around and I've got my hands all over one of my female friends, she's going to freak.

I've already arranged for them to meet, so it's too late to defuse that bomb. We're meeting in a public place, but I doubt that will stop a screaming match. That almost happened last time.

Any help?

If you don't mind me being so forwards, what was your first sexual experience, big or small. And being kissed by the boy next door at aged five doesn't count. I mean proper, grown up sort of things, be it first base or the full monty. It doesn't matter who it was with, male or female.

My first was last year on a christian (christian!!!) holiday camp with a bunch of christian (christian!!!!) friends. One friend, Kathy, who already had a boyfriend, started making out with one of my other friends, Jerome. It wasn't their first kiss or make out by any means, but no one else had any idea they were into each other until we saw them kissing on the sofa. They kind of started a trend. From there on, there was this kind of vampire biting/hickey thing going on between me and my circle of friends. There were about six of us in total. The sofa where Jerome and Kathy first made out kind of became a landmark in the camp, we all would pile on and have a big orgy of hugs and mild groping. This year, things got more intense. We're all 15 now, so we are all old enough to really know what we're doing (sort of) in the way of knowing what we (might) want. The groping basically increased a lot, along with all the sexual tension between multiple couples. Kathy and Jerome had split up messily earlier in the year, so they weren't talking. Instead, another girl who hadn't come any other year, Lily, started sucking up to Jerome. She was sooo into him, but he didn't return the feelings, but she never seemed to notice. Tom and Penny were obviously into each other, but will never admit it. Even me and one of my closest friends, Vera, had a little bit of a thing going on. One night, it was really hot so we all went out and piled onto this group swing thing. It looks a bit like a basket, so we all fitted on. And the groping really got a lot more passionate.

Fill in the gaps. I'm not about to grab Vera and start making out with her at any rate, even though she's bicurious. I admit I would like to, though. So that was my first proper sexual experience. It wasn't full sex, but it was touching. And we totally annoyed all of the very evangelical leaders of the camp who thought our 'fornication' was evil. That was really fun. No one actually had sex (or so I think), so they can't really call it fornication. However, the whole camp confirmed that I was actually into girls rather than guys. It also confirmed Jerome's bisexuality, but just made Vera more curious.

So now you've heard my story, what's yours?

This is going to sound really awkward, and I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask it at all. I mean, this is deeply personal stuff. And I'm spilling my guts to random strangers on the internet. So here goes.

At school, me and Freya (not her real name. I'm not using it for privacy purposes) have been best friends for years now, since we were 12. We're now both mature 16 year olds, and I have a problem. I think it might be common among teenage girls - or my mum made it sound that way - to kind of get crushes on their friends sometimes. It's not like a physical crush, more like an emotional thing. Kind of like a dependency, but nothing uber-creepy. I could function without her if necessary. The thing is, I've never had a crush before. Like, ever. Not as a child, squeeing over boybands (or in my case, girlbands). So it was kind of freaky to settle my mind and think about this. And I know I could never do anything about it. Here's the full extent of my situation:

Earlier this year, I tried to come out to her, and failed when she went all homophobic and fanatic on me. I felt like I had been shot, decapitated, burned and drowned all at once. Her rejection totally almost killed me. I quickly laughed and pretended it was all a joke, and she seemed to half-believe me. I was depressed for about a month afterwards, but I did my best to hide it. After my month of depression, I hardened my heart and told myself it didn't matter. But it did, it did matter so much it wasn't true. I started messing around, and I kind of invented this game where I pretend to touch up her legs under the table. It's really funny. She sees it as a joke, and I'm mostly joking but about an eighth serious.

Freya has a massive crush on this guy called Dan. She constantly squees over him, even though he is totally boring and really ugly (might just be me, but ah well). I hide my constant annoyance about him well, but my dislike of him is starting to seep through. I wouldn't go as far to say I'm jealous, but I am kind of annoyed that she spends a lot of time squeeing about him.

So, any advice? Please, this is weird. Yes, I am a lesbian, but she wouldn't accept me.