jennifer f

well ive been seeing someone for about 2.5months. i wasn't sure if we were boyfriend and girlfriend until a couple of weeks ago when he referred to me as such. anyway he seemed to be since then seeing less of me, making excuses not see me or leaving early. we started of seeing each other 3 times a week then went down to twice a week after a month and in the last two weeks i've seen him twice. the last time he was meant to come for dinner and stay the night (he started sleeping over at weekends about a month in). he came for dinner and we watched a bit of tv, but then at about 10pm he said he was going to go home instead as he had to get up early. i asked why he couldn't get up early at mine. his response was that he didn't see the point in staying if we were sleeping and that he would prefer to see me for longer during the evening rather than just go to sleep but as he has got to get up early he would go home as he would also get better sleep in his own bed.

so i asked him what exactly was going as he seemed to be reducing his time whereas i would prefer to see him like we did in the beginning. that's when he started in the whole im a very busy person and have my friends to see too (i never stopped him, but encouraged him to see his friends). also he said that with all his plans for the future (new career that he is thinking about and wanting to move abroad in a few years) that he could not give any commitment to a relationship and would like things to stay as they are. i said i didn't expect him to move in, marriage or kids (i already have 2) i just wanted to know im not wasting my time. he said he cant predict if we would ever get there as he prefers to take things one day at a time. anyway i got a bit upset, he left, said he would call. he did after two days but i missed it. i tried to return the call a few hours later but he didn't answer. that was a day ago and hes still not tried to ring me back :( did i mess everything up with asking him what was going on?

ok me and my boyfriend have had a very rocky start and broke up a few times in the past few months that we have known each other. this was mainly due to his behaviour seeming weird to me. he has lots of female friends which wouldnt bother me so much if he wasnt so friendly to a couple of them. when we first got together he had a couple of girls who would text him all day every day. i got so pissed off and told him that its not right to be communicating with them more than anyone else. anyway to cut a long story shorter, these girls are no longer a threat as he said he not talking to them because they over stepped the mark and came onto him.

we have got back together and now there are two new girls who text him all the time. it is driving me mad again, but he says they are just friends and one of them he used to work with. it bothers me because i believe that only partners would text each other several times a day or night not just friends or acquaintances.

another problem i have is that he wont put he is in a relationship on his facebook. i did on mine and he put a like on it, but he says he doesnt feel the need because those that need to know, know and it is no-one else business. i may be paranoid but to me that is saying 'i will tell some people but if a cute girl comes along i want them to assume im single' am i just being paranoid or could it be nothing to worry about since we've only been together a couple of months.

should i start another talk about it or play it cool and bring it up again in a few months when we should be in a more serious relationship.

I have made a mess of things but I don't think my best friend has helped the situation much. Lets start with the fact I met my now ex boyfriend in the summer and everything was going great, then I got the attack of the green eyed monster because he had a couple of close friends who were female. This caused tension in the relationship as I kept on accusing him of seeing them behind my back. He wasnt though because he was alwaysupfront and honest about going to see them and trying to reassure me that the friendships were platonic. Anyway I would be ok about it but voiced my concerns about it to my best friend. Just said it made me uncomfortable because i'm not used to having a guy with female friends. This caused her to tell me to be very careful as I could never be sure without definite proof that nothing was going on. As you can imagine this did wonders for my paranoia (not). So then I started thinking that he wasnt being honest and that he was telling me about seeing these girls as friends as a cover up.

My friend has also always had something to say if I have had a falling out (nothing major) and just needed someone to vent out at. I admit I am not the best person when angry or upset as I tend to blow up the situation out of all proprotion, Anyway she then started saying I should dump him as he is obviously not making me happy. I told her he does when we are together and that we have are ups and downs like most couples but she says that all she ever hears about all the time is he has done this or said that. It is true that I have used her as a way of releasing anger and now she only sees the bad in him. What she doesnt see because she has never met him is that he is a geniunely lovely guy who at the moment is going through a lot and I havent really been the best girlfriend because I demanded a lot from him and then got mad when I didnt get my own way.

I have dumped him on numerous occasions because my best friend had said I was better of without him. Each time though when I have had a chance to think things through I hav e regretted it and asked for another chance. He has given me chance after chance and says he only takes me back because he loves me, but there will come a point when he can't take it anymore and it will be a permanent break for his own sanity. Can't blame him really as I wouldn't like it if sopmeone kept doing that to me.

I have tried explaining to my friend that alot of what I said about him was an overreaction to a situation and that alot of what was said in text messages and over the phone (yes she has seen messages that have gone between us when we argue over txt) was just because we were angry and upset with each other and that it was all said under those conditions and not really meant. She won't listen though. she says that I he obviously meant what he said and that it can't be taken back and that I am a fool to stay with him. I have said that the things I said about him were not meant but again she said of course they are and that I have to stop living the dream and get back to reality.

So last week she made me feel like I should dump him again and I said I didnt want to as i want to make things work. She then got angry and said that if I was any friend I would listen to her and dump him and he is not right for me. I said that i really want to try to work. She then said that as long as he was in my life she wouldn't be. For about a day I didnt talk to her apart from the odd bitchy text between us. I then started to feel bad so I dumped him again. He has sent me a few messages saying he doesn't understand why I keep doing this. I sent him a rather bitchy email telling him that he wa a useless boyfriend and that I want nothing more to do with him.

The problem is that for the last week I have felt miserable and angry for the whole situation. I even got back in touch to say sorry to him. He said that despite everythign he still loves me and always will but it is my decision what happens next.

My dilemma now is do I try to get over the heartbreak of never being with im again no matter how much he means to me or do I lose a friend.

basically i have been seeing a guy for a couple of months. due to the fact he has lots of female friends i got very paranoid and this caused tension so i tried to end it 3 times but each time we talked and i decided to try not to let it get to me. he also said the next time i did this he would walk away and stand by my decision.

anyway i again said that i think its not working because i felt he was playing games. this time it was caused by him not adding me on facebook and it causing me to think he's hiding things. after this last time of trying to end it i got really upset and said i didnt mean it (i have fallen badly for him) and could we forget i tried to end it again.

he has said that he really cares about me and can hopefully see a future with me but we cant get into a relationship straight away as he needs time to think if he can get past this and move on. i understand that it is difficult because he doesnt know if im going to go flaky on him again but he also said that he will still come and see me like go dating and stuff.

he says he doesnt know how long it will take him to decide but that i just have to be myself around him to help him make up his mind.

i am not a very patient person so this is driving me mad. plus people have said that surely if you like someone there is nothing to think about.

what do you think of the situation?

i am in 2 minds as to whether to make him decide on the spot or to distance myself and get on with my life and see what happens.

i have been seeing this guy for a a couple of weeks. i was told up front that his best friend was female and that they flat share. i was a little un easy but thought if they are just friends then i shouldn't worry. over the last couple of weeks though things have emerged that make me even more uneasy about the situation. he is very close to her as in helps her family out alot and drops things for her. also found out they used to date but he said they were just teenagers so not a real relationship.

she phones him everyday and if he is over at mine she phones at least 2 or 3 times. i over heard (had to follow him as he doesnt speak to her in front of me) and she was askinghim when he would be home and what he wanted for dinner. alarm bells are really going off now.

he also admitted that a couple of years ago they thought about having a relationship but decided they wouldn't risk the great friendship that they have.

when i asked about meeting her he said it would probably be best not to as she wasn't very friendly towards other past girlfriends and he doesn't want her to ruin things.

he says i can meet his other friends and i have met one, but when i asked if he was going to introduce me as his girlfriend he said yes, but instead he took her to one side and told her. this im not sure about, seems like he might of told her i was just a friend.

the way i am now seeing it is that she is probably his live in girlfriend and i am his bit on the side.

i cant help feeling a little paranoid.

does this sound suspicious?????

hi

about a month ago this guy sent me a message on a dating website. he seemed really nice and i sent a message back as i was interested too.

well its been ages and i have not heard nothing yet, though according to said website he was last online over 30 days ago. may or may not have got msg and this particular site deletes msgs after 20days to free up space.

i have found him on facebook though as his name is not too common. after all this time would it seem weird for me to friend request or should i just go ahead and give it a shot?

i ask this because on many occasion at my daughters school if there have been any reason for me to go in and complain about something that has happened i.e, usually my daughter being picked on by other children or teachers, they all seem to say its not how it looks and that i must have got my wires crossed.

now at this particular school you could be talking to one teacher but you can tell others are listening in and they insist on dealing with problems in the open rather than in a quiet area. when it seems a teacher is getting into difficulty with a quick reasonable explanation another jumps in like 'i couldnt help over hearing but i think i may be able to help.' which they dont they just have a excuse at hand to fob you off with.

does anyone else have this problem? makes you feel like giving up with the school because you get nowhere as they all stick together and cover problems up, making you feel like an idiot for bringing it up.

i have been wondering if my son is ready for solids.

he is 4 months/18 weeks old and i think he is showing signs of wanting more than just milk.

he is developmentally ahead and can sit very well with a little support, he chews his hands all the time and he is very interested in what i am eating to the point that he gets very upset everytime he sees me eating something. the only thing he isnt doing yet is clearing his bottles and being more hungry. instead he has a little then isnt interested anymore.

i was putting this down to maybe he is getting bored with milk and is kind of rejecting it because he wants to try something else.

i have not tried solids yet, but partly because when i spoke to my mum about it she said that a baby that has only had milk cannot get bored of it if it is all they know. my argument is that he knows people eat other stuff through seeing it for himself and so now wants what other people have.

who is right? does he sound ready for solids?

basically i have lived in my neighbourhood for almost 10 yrs now and from the time i moved here i have felt that the neighbours have had a problem with me. (im convinced its because i am a single parent and dont own my house like the rest of them) anyway i believe it is bullying and harrassment when one of the neighbours who lives a few doors down is critical of me and the way i bring up my child. he too has a child who is obnoxious and rude might i add though she gets away with it. on many occasion he has shouted at my child to the extent she is distraught. this is usually over nothing much, just his child annoying mine so mine retaliates by saying something. this child i have noticed will go out of her way to annoy mine until she does or says something in retaliation. she is very sly and seems to enjoy it when mine gets shouted at by her dad. recently his daughter was being a cow as usual. so my daughter told her to go away at which this child decided to be really obnoxious to her. she was doing this all whilst her dad was outside talking to other neighbours (i live in an area where the house all face onto a communal area so the other neighbours chat a lot outside). he wasnt paying much attention as he stood there drinking aswell. anyway his daughter told him that mine had been really nasty and threatened her. my daughter had walked back inside by then but my nasty neighbour took it upon himself to march over kick my door in (it was on latch) and start threatening my child (she 10 yrs old and he is a supposedly grown man of 50) she was physically shaken and distraught by this. i was upstairs when all this happened and didnt get downstairs quick enough to have a go at him. should have probably stormed outside and said something but i didnt as i dont like to cause trouble and plus i was eight months pregnant with my second child.

things are getting worse though. a new neighbour has moved in next door. at first she was nice to me and i was relieved to have a neighbour who was pleasant, but things have gone down hill since she started to hang out with the other neighbour. for the past few weeks she has been off with me and nasty picking on the slightest thing.

well i had decided i had had enough when i noticed that both of them had dumped their rubbish in my rubbish shed. so i gathered it all up and dumped it on the doorstep of this woman. had proof it was at least hers as she stupidly put in the rubbish a letter addressed to her. anyway she wasnt in but her elderly mum was. so pleasantly in a non threatening way said this appears to have made its way into my bin could it be disposed of properly. i wasnt nasty and i was polite. anyway half hour later the female neighbour and the guy neighbour came back (yeah they have started going out together) and she came to my house ranting and raving almost spitting in my face that i was dispicable for intimidating old people and who do i think i am to be as petty as to moan about the rubbish. now i have been made to feel like the bad person in all this when i have just finally reacted after years of bullying by them.

things they have done are:

regularly filling my bins up with their crap so i have nowhere to put mine. they have locks for their bins so i cant just use theirs.

when i am around they go from being really friendly so that i think i am paranoid to then being off and isolating me from the other neighbours.

constantly critical of me and my daughter.

make snide comments about my lifestyle and parenting skills.

shout at and scare my daughter into submission.

have children that are now growing up and doing the same.

are always in my business and asking my daughter questions its like they are trying to find ammunition against me.

whenever new neighbours move in they are quick to befriend and then the others wont give me time of day,

anyway i feel like i have had enough now as it is making me quite depressed now and i hate getting up each day to the possibility of facing more bullying and intimidation. i try to ignore but they wont let me as they are in my face if i do.

i go out most days to get away. i feel i shouldnt have to do this for peace and quiet.

my friends keep telling me i should say something but i dont know whether i shoud or whether i shoud just try to move as quick as possible.

i don't have major debts when compared to others, but compared to what i have in income my debt is a huge bother to me.

i am currently a single parent on income support who does plan on going back to work, but just not yet as i am pregnant with my 2nd child so will return to work when they are a few months old.

anyway the problem is that i have 3 bank accounts.

account 1: all money goes into this first and have standing orders to go to account 2 & 3 (overdraft limit £1000 which i have run up to the limit)

account 2: is for all my direct debits which are paid via the amount that goes into it from the standing order.

account 3: started of as a spare account to put money into and use for ebay buying and selling (this has overdraft £500 which is up to the limit)

also stupidly got a credit card a couple of years ago when i was working and managed to go up to the limit £1800 + some £200 so total on card £2000. now incurring all sorts of charges for being over the limit. was stupid as i should have stopped using it when i stopped working but i didnt)

total debt =£1000 +£500 +£2000 = £3500

this doesnt seem like an awful lot but my total money each month is less than £500

i have thought about 2 possible options

option 1. apply for a debt relief order. this would unburden me if it is accepted and i pay the £90 processing fee. but if my financial situation improves in the next 12 months then it would become null and void and would have to start paying things back.

option 2: apply for the maximum budgeting loan of £1500 i may not necessarily get the amount i ask but even £500 would help me get back under the credit limit of my card thus not paying extortionate interest anymore plus budgeting loans are interest free and they take a proportion of income support each week to pay it back (no chance of missing payments) then when paid back apply again to pay off more debts. keep this cycle going until debts are clear.

i am leaning more towards option 2 even though it is a more lenghty process, but just wanted to know from others thought would be the best option.

through irresponsible spending in the past and the fact that i dont have a lot of money coming in at the moment i have managed to get to the limit of a £1000 overdraft. i have worked out a budget to get out of my overdraft in the next year but fear that the interest i am being charged is going to make this budget almost impossible as as soon as i pay off what i can in a month the interest will put me right back in the same situation.

what i'm wondering is if i speak to my bank about the situation and that i am really trying to get out of the debt what is the likelyhood of them temporarily cancelling the interest charges for say a period of 1 yr?

ok well the story goes i am already a single mum to a beautiful nine year old girl. her father decided he didnt want to be a dad when she was only 4 months old, so he left us. had very inconsistent contact with him until she was 3yrs old when he decided to do a disappearing act and we have seen nor heard from him since. anyway my mum has helped out alot over the years to keep our heads above water babysitting while i worked and then helping out a little financially when i gave up work to go to college which i completed and gained a diploma with very high grades.

even though she has helped and i am very grateful for it, she has always made it seem like she does it begrudgingly. i am now 31 years old and she will still complain to me about every little thing. for example she doesn't come to mine very often (we always go there) but when she does she says finds something to complian about in my home i.e the laundry is too full, when u going to do it ( i do it just never goes down), there is washing up on the side ( yeah i've only just finished lunch) etc, etc (thing is i think her place is worse tbh).

she always moans if i have money probs, though she earns treble of what i do so can make her money go further.

oh when and anything happens in my life she is never happy. when i completed the diploma there was no congratulations or well done, no instead it was at least you,ve done one thing right. though completely different story for my brother. no when he finished college she was so excited telling everyone how proud she was. arrrghhh!!!!

anyway the **** is well and truly going to hit the fan because now i am pregnant again (i dont make a habit of it, my daughter is nearly 10 so if it was a common theme i'd have loads of kids at my ankles), but the father is not going to be around( god i do pick em) as it turns out he was more into getting his way than getting to know me. i was stupid and naive but i fell for the smooth talk.

how do i tell my mum, knowing what she is like, that not only am i pregnant but the father does not want to know and i am going to be a single mother for the second time?

it is worrying me sick because it's like she does not see me as an adult but still a young girl. she treats me the same as she did when i was 15.

well my friend thinks she could be pregnant, but she has just started a new relationship and is worried that if she is pregnant it will spoil everything.

the guy she is with now who she has only been seeing for a couple of weeks is not the father as they have not slept together yet, but a week before they met she slept with someone else and very stupidly didnt use any contraceptive. her period is due in the next few days, but she is worried that she is pregnant because she is beginning to feel the early sypmtoms. she has a child already so she says she knows the symptoms.

what she is worried about is if she is, is the guy likely to do a runner or could it work out if she is up front and honest about everything.

what would your reaction be (guys) if you were put in this situation by someone you had started seeing?

hi

i am just wondering where i stand on this matter.

i understand that if the security of a store have reasonable suspicion that you have stolen goods that they can stop you when you walk out of the store.

i havent stolen anything and never would but i got stopped by security when it was obvious even to them that i had done nothing wrong.

basically the story goes like this:

i was doing my weekly shop in tescos. this security guard from the moment i walked in seemed to be following me everywhere (which was a little unnerving to say the least). anyway i decided to also pick up some dvds on special and put them in my trolley with my shopping.

when i got to the till the security was still hovering about. they watched my every move as i put all items through the till and paid for them at the end. also because i had dvds a member of staff had to come over a release the electronic tags (which they only do upon proof of pruchase). so i paid packed my goods and proceeded to leave the store. just as i got out of the store this same security guard stopped me and demanded that he search my bags and check my receipts. now i want to know what right does he have (knowing full well that i had paid for everything, because he watched me like a hawk) to stop me in front of other shoppers and do a blatantly pointless search?

has any one had any experience with the child support agency and felt really let down by their incompetence.

of does anyone know what they can legally do to track down a person.

i ask this question because today i got a phone call from them asking if i could provide my child's fathers telephone number. i dont have it and i have told them a few times that i havent had contact for nearly six years.

i know exactly where he lives through electoral roll register but they told me that they havent received any replies when letters sent out.

now i am thinking they are a bit dumb, because he has been avoiding paying for years so is unlikely to willingly own up to where he lives.

can't understand why they cant send people round to catch him out.

well today i kept my daughter away from school as she had a breakdown and burst into tears about how unhappy she is. i phoned the school to let them know the situation but i felt like the teacher wasn't taking me seriously. she said that i had to bring her in or it will affect her attendance record and that she hadn't noticed any problems. put phone down and was going to send her in but then she broke down again and got very distressed. i felt i couldn't send her in this state, plus i have a mile walk to the school so can you imagine the struggle i'd have ( i can't drive ).

so i decided no she can't go and phoned the school again. explained that i wish to speak face to face with the teacher at the end of the school day with my child present so she could see something would be done. teacher point blank refused to do that. said its not appropriate to have my child in the conversation and that she would talk to my child alone and then me seperately. was beginning to get the feeling i was in the wrong for something. i feel i have a right to be there when she asks for details from my child.

the problems she is having is of exclusion at break, no children play with her and also durng class there is one child who is domineering her and if this child doesn't get her own way is then nasty to my daughter. well explained this to teacher over the phone and she said she not witnessed this and that my child brings it on herself at break by not trying mix.

teacher then said she was expecting my child in after lunch as they were setting an english project for which my child would not be able do otherwise.

felt very insensed by the lack of sympathy for the situation and the patronising way i was spoken too.

now i am worried if i have done thw right thing and whether i should have just forced my child to school kicking and screaming.

i plan to go straight to the head tomorrow.

just wondering what others think of the situation i am in.

als my child has talked of killing themselves which deeply unsettles me.

i am in my late twenties and have had a few brief flings with girls but all relationships have been with men.

i have always told friends that i was just experimenting when with girls (partly because one of my friends made me feel uncomfortable by teasing me about same sex feelings) but i dont think it was just experimenting as i am currently having strong sexual feelings for a women and cant stop thinking about her. i dont know if she is gay or bi which is driving me crazy. anyway what i want to know is does it sound like i am bisexual and how do i go about telling people or should i wait to tell them if i get into another same sex relationship?

went on date with a guy who had been flirting online and via text. he seemed really interested.

first date was great we got on brilliantly and he asked me on second date for the folowing lunchtime. again got on great.

asked if we would see each other again. he said yes then sais 'i have to warn you that i am not very good at relationships as i find i hard to find enough time.'

this is plausible as he live in another town and has child in yet another town and his parents also live in seperate places so he has to split is time going between four different towns as well as work full time.

what i am wondering is he really interested or did he say this as a brush off to say it will not turn into a relationship or was it just a geniune dont expect too much too soon as it isnt that easy with his busy life?

help need to know if i should stop worrying?

there is this guy that i have been friends with for a few years. we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. a couple of years ago we drunkenly slept together. we then lost contact a few months later when i got into a relationship with someone(which didnt last) and now my friend and i have got back in contact.

anyway we started flirting again and he came over to my place. we didnt sleep together as i stopped it. he left soon after and said he'd see me again but didnt say when.

i havent really heard from him for about a week.

what i want to know is should i keep it as a friendship only or just ask him to take me out?

we get on really well when we are together and he seems interested but i'm scared that i have read the wrong signals.

is it possible for a guy to feel just as confused and be waiting for me to make the first move?

hi, i have recently split up with my long term boyfriend and i have a child from a previous relationship so i have now become a lone parent.

i have been doing a full time college course and working 8 hrs on a saturday.

i went to claim income support as my wages are not going to cover everything. i only get £44 a wk.

i was told by some "advisor" that i am not eligible for IS as i am a full time student and am classed as working over 16 hrs. thing is i can't claim working tax credit as i don't do enough hrs in paid employment.

i can't work more whilst i study cos i'd only be able to do evenings and i have no-one to babysit my daughter.

i don't want to give up my course as it is leading me to the career i want.

please can someone tell me if i should be entitled to IS as a single parent.