?

Mine was last week. I remember I was a waitress and George W. Bush was seated at one of my tables. When I asked him what he wanted to order, he made a joke and then smacked me on the butt. I remember thinking, "I cannot believe he just did that. Should I pour this bowl of chili over his head?" That's all I remember. Weird, huh?

and change one thing in your life, what would that one thing be? And why.

For me, I would've spent more time with my little brother. Because he isn't here anymore.

Best answer gets fame and fortune. ;o)

your best and worst feature? Why? :o)

the confessional kiosks at the mall. I heard on the radio the other day that they're planning on installing little confessional booths at places like the mall. It seems like Drive-thru confessing of your sins to me.

What do you think about it?

Explain.

(I'm in a weird mood this morning. And as I sat here thinking, that question came to my mind, and scared me. Because I realized that I am merely existing. So I have decided to do something about it. Told you I am in a weird mood). :o)

who would play You and why?

If you are 8 feet away from a door and with each move you advance half the distance to the door...

How many moves will it take to reach the door???

Alright people that's the nifty, little riddle I told you about.

Ready, set, GO!!!!!

A man kills his wife. Many people watch him do it. Yet no one will ever be able to accuse him of murder. Why?

(Hurry, the Jeopardy tune is playing).

Here are 2 riddles. They are pretty hard. At least for me they were. I'm sure they won't be too hard for you. ;o)

#1

A man had twelve toothpicks in front of him. He took one away. Now he had nine in front of him. How is this possible?

#2

What English word is nine letters long, and can remain an English word at each step as you remove one letter at a time, right down to a single letter. List the letter you remove each time and the words that result at each step.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring??

(I know it is corny but, hey sometimes the corny ones are the funny ones).

Enjoy and have a great day!!!

I rescued a Chocolate Lab off of my neighborhood streets. He was obviously lost and in danger of getting hit by a car. So I brought him into my home. After searching for his owners by putting up fliers everywhere, driving around for weeks in search of Lost posters, checking the internet, calling vets and asking around, no one ever claimed him. He turns out to be the best dog I have ever had in my life. And I have now had him for almost three years.

Anyway, there is one little, really kinda minor thing with him. See whenever I walk him (we both love our walks) he only does his business #2 in front of people. At first, I thought it was just my bad luck. But then it kept happening and I was like what a weird coincidence. Now it is just downright freaky.

We can walk in the park for an hour with no one around and he doesn't even think of going #2, but as soon as people appear, there he is squatting and pushing his little heart out. Of course I always clean up after him. And I knew I would be doing it a lot while walking him. But every single time is a little weird to me. It never fails. My Dad walked him once and he did the same thing with him. My Dad said it was embarrassing. Cuz he went right up to a group of people and did his business right in front of them. Talk about an awkward moment. :o)

If you can let me know whether or not this has happened to you or if maybe it is a funny quirk they have. I really would love your input.

Thanx so much.

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.

HE paid for our house at the lake.

HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his butt with that blanket before he catches cold.

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

“Who the heck are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.

The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”.

Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”

“It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.

“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.

“Never” replies Jason.

“Well just relax and let it happen”.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you stinking drunk, you’re crapping the bed!”

I just found out that one of my best friends is having an affair with my other best friend's fiance. We three have been very close, like sisters, since middle school. I don't know how to handle this. If I tell my one friend about it, then I am snitching and probably wrecking her relationship. And if I don't tell her, then if it ever comes out she will be hurt that I didn't come to her.

I am sick to my stomach and have no idea what to do .

Please help. Thanx.

My family and I will be moving to Brazil. My dog is coming with us and I also want to take my ferret. But I read that ferrets can't handle the heat. Does this mean I can't take him? I would keep him indoors where it is cool. If anyone knows please give me your advice. Thanx.

What's your favorite Michael Jackson song, video and/or memory? and why?

Can you say Toy Boat 5 times really fast??

I know I can't. And I have tried many, many times. Good Luck. :o)

This is horrible. First Farrah Fawcett and now Michael Jackson.

I know there are mixed feelings about him. But he will be missed nonetheless.

My heart goes out to his family.

RIP Michael Jackson.

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the veranda. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.

After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went.

She said, "I think I broke his gambling".

The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."

"DAMN!" said the father.

"What's wrong?", the teacher asked.

Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"

Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a ***** is four; four plus four, the son of a ***** is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a *****...'"

"Johnny !" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."

"But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."

Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens !" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching! Good Luck.