Feline05

My daughter just moved out. She told me that she was moving out because I am cramp her style and because I want to know how she is doing at school and what she has planned for the weekend. We pay for her college, she received a free car, the only bills she pays is partial car insurance and partial cell phone - does no chores - told me to get rid of the cats because she is tired of cleaning up after them. But in all of this she wants us to get her a Pug. As she was leaving she told her dad she is moving out because I kicked her out after telling me that she has been planning it since she graduated from High School which was June '08. Am I wrong in taking the car away and stop paying for her college? She has repeatedly told me she is 18 and I do not need to know where, what or with who she is hanging with. My marriage is crumbling (26 years) because her dad is taking her side. What should I do? Please give serious answers only. I do not know what else I can do to salvage any of this. Don't want her to move out she is not ready and definitely do not want marriage to end. Tried talking to her but she just ignores anything I have to say.

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion , a Chimpanzee , a Giraffe , and a Squirrel , who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

So think carefully . . .. Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

Okay - here we go again - two more babies born to actors/actresses (BIG DEAL) - how is it that they are more important than the homeless babies? Take that $10/$15 Million and help them to succeed in life......

While on the operating table, she had a near death experience & the Creator appeared before her.

Seeing the Creator, she asked, "Dios mio, is my time up?" Dios said, "No mijita, you have another 43 years, 2 months & 8 days to live."

The Chicana decided to stay in the hospital & have the works done:

Face-lift, liposuction, chi-chi lift, nalga lift & pansa tuck.

She was all excited because she knew she had a long life ahead & wanted to look bien chingona!

After her final operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way to a taqueria, she was hit & killed by a bus.

Arriving in front of the Creator, she demanded, "Orale pues... que Paso? I thought you said I had another 40 years to go?

Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that pinche bus?"

The Creator replied, "Orale Chica, I didn't recognize you

Today when I came to work found out that my "wonderful" boss had gone into the hospital on Friday and we are praying that we will get him back. Prognosis has not been given out yet, but we are hoping for the best. Working at this company and for this wonderful man has been the best job that I have ever had. Thank you. all for your prayers.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl

in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest and most obnoxious person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to

have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy.

"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the

smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says,

"Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?

Can you believe this story - is this misuse of your powers in office???

WASHINGTON - The Chungs, immigrants from South Korea, realized their American dream when they opened their dry-cleaning business seven years ago in the nation's capital. For the past two years, however, they've been dealing with the nightmare of litigation: a $65 million lawsuit over a pair of missing pants.

But the bulk of the $65 million comes from Pearson's strict interpretation of D.C.'s consumer protection law, which fines violators $1,500 per violation, per day. According to court papers, Pearson added up 12 violations over 1,200 days, and then multiplied that by three defendants.

Much of Pearson's case rests on two signs that Custom Cleaners once had on its walls: "Satisfaction Guaranteed" and "Same Day Service."

What are your opinions????

They had been going at it for days, frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for 2 hours, from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan & Jesus sat down at the keyboards & typed away.

They moused, faxed, e-mailed w/w-o attachments, downloaded, did spreadsheets, wrote reports, created labels & cards, created charts & graphs, did some genealogy reports, did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency & Satan was faster than hell. Then, 10min. before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, &, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen & screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, & each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching< BR>frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "

First of all let me just start by saying I am not blasting anyone's religions or their beliefs. This is after all a question/answer site. So I am just curious as to how we as people can believe about someone that we have never seen. I was on another site today and this individual was getting blasted because he was tired of people quoting religion. Not everyone believes in God or Jesus. If there was a God or Jesus why is there so much madness in this world. So just because he suffered - we have to suffer as well. Is there an afterlife - who has been there and returned to let us know that it really exists? Who has seen this God or Jesus?

1. go to www.google.com

2. click on "maps"

3. click on "get directions"

4. type "St. Petersburg, FL" in the first box (the "from" box)

5. type "Paris, France" in the second box (the "to" box)

6. click on "get directions" again

7. scroll down to step #34

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this :

Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an assailant.

The idea is to allow my wife -- who would never consider a gun --adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in two triple-a batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs and I'd know it was working.

Awesome!!! (Actually, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave).

1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...

(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....

(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....

(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...

(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....

(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

#1 - He played the sax.

#2 - He smoked weed.

#3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him, his wife works & he doesn't!

He gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America 's shelves this week with " Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have." He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

What do you guys think - should he get the baby and all that money? Anna Nicole's mother made sure she picked the right man so that she can get her hands on some of that money. We all know that this is what it really was all about. What does everyone think?

Can anyone name the movie that Hugh Laurie was in with Gina Davis?

Did you guys hear the news about what Keith Richards did with his fathers ashes? He snorted them with coke and he is still alive and kicking to talk about it. What next??

Was at the gym yesterday. The older lady has worked there going on two years and she had said earlier to me: I like working here because of the nice people like you. Have not had any issues with this woman and the other one just started working there yesterday. So later that evening as I was putting on my shoes I overheard her talking smack about me to the younger worker. They did not know that I was on the other side of the wall and apparently she thought since the music was on I would not hear her. What should I have done - confront them or her? Needless to say I am still pissed.

However they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties & use them.Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties & did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with it. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet & innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband & said, 'These damn ladie's nights out have got to stop.I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!' That's nothing, said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said:'From all of us at the Fire Station, well never forget you!!!

WOMEN-1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 min. later, write a check & leave with a properly maintained vehicle

Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00, Coffee: $1.00:Total:$21.00

MEN: 1) Wait until Sat., drive to auto parts store & buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, handcleaner, a scented tree, write a check for $50.00

2) Stop by 7/11 buy a case of beer, write a check for $20

3) Open a beer & drink

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 min. looking for jack stands

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car

6) In frustration, open another beer & drink

7) Place drain pan under engine

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench, Give up & use crescent wrench

9) Unscrew drain plug

10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process, Cuss, Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms,Throw kitty litter on spilled oil,

11) Have another beer while watching oil drain