jpfitzy7

I am leaving for Europe tonigth for 12 days. I will be first staying in Amsterdam and then taking the train from there to Cologne. A few days later I will be taking the train from Munich to Prague. Is it easy to simply go to the rail station the day before my departure to get the tickets? In Munich I am staying right next to the station so there is no problem going over to pick them up. Also, do most of the ticket agents speak English?

We are two couples that have played strip poker in the past. Looking for some dares that the loser could perform with the winner of each hand once all the clothing is gone to keep the game interesting. Anything goes except for actual sex, but right up to the point is fine.

We are two couples that have played strip poker in the past. Looking for some dares that the loser could perform with the winner of each hand once all the clothing is gone to keep the game interesting. Anything goes except for actual sex, but right up to the point is fine.

Dear Tide,

My name is Agnes and I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I'm in my 50s, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate & uncaring husband started to berate me about how stupid and clumsy I was, and in general started being a pain in the neck. One thing led to another & somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, & to my surprise & satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the detective who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. Then my attorney called & said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people, another wonderful product

Guy comes home from work, sits down on the couch, says, "Hey honey, get me a beer! It's about to start!"

His wife brings him a frosty, he chugs it right down, and says "Hey! grab me another willya? It's about to start!"

Chugs that one down and calls again, "Hey grab me ano-"

"WHY YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NUTHIN I CLEAN THIS HOUSE AND TAKE CARE OF THESE KIDS ALL DAY AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT THERE AND..."

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"There we go...It's started!"

Best answer if you get them all right but think carefully before answering!

THE WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ?

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat-gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese goose-berries from?

10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?

High School Math Exam

Name:_____________________

Gang:________________________

1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. If John has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jimmy for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Richard is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Richard can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jacob wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Robert is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the ***** that spent his money?

7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whisky you *****." The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whisky you sl*t." Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whisky but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench, I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!" Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards. Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a lippy bastard... "

A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a bl0wjob?"

"What! Are you crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

"No! Someone might see us..."

"It's just a small bl0wjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."

"No! I said no!"

"Baby... don't be like that."

Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."