Woodstock

I have a full-size 10 month old female kitten and three weeks ago we brought home a 5 month old male kitten (we were told he was 8 months, but our vet suspects he was 5 months). Things have been going slowly but smoothly so far in getting them used to each other, to the point that a few days ago they were chasing each other around and playing. The big cat has been spending more time than usual in the basement, which is still off-limits to the kitten (thanks to a box he can't jump over), but I figured she just needed time. The little kitten doesn't seem afraid of the big cat anymore... and that's where the problem seems to start.

For the last two days, the kitten has been very energetic and always wants to play with the big cat, but she now seems scared or put off by him. He's started trying to play with her at times when she obviously doesn't want to play (when she's eating, sleeping, etc.) and she's started hissing at him and running away. By trying to play with her, he's ended up "chasing" her away from her water dish and our bed (where she always used to sleep at night), and she's started spending even more time alone in the basement even though we really try to encourage her to come upstairs and we make sure she has lots of "safe" high spaces around.

I know she's trying to establish boundaries and "teach" him the rules by hissing (and she does get results from that, he usually backs off temporarily), but I feel like the process would go faster if she didn't always run away and avoid him. I feel so sorry for her sulking down in the basement all the time.

Is there anything I can do to encourage her to stick around and stand up to him instead of running away all the time? Should I allow the kitten access to the basement? I'm wondering if letting him have full access to the house will encourage the big cat to stand up to him more because she'll see that the whole house is shared territory and realize she needs to assert herself more. Or do you think removing that much "safe" space from the big cat will just stress her out and make her resent the kitten more?

Fellow cat people, any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

I was talking to the girls at my work, and they both have ex-boyfriends who loved them and treated them like gold, but they dumped these guys to date jerks who take them for granted. Then when they're hurt, they call up their nice ex-boyfriends to make them feel better, even though they feel guilty for using them.

I realized that even though I'm in a long-term relationship, I also sometimes like guys who treat me like crap and when I feel bad I look to my boyfriend to make me feel better.

Is this a girl thing, or do guys do it too? Any insight on why so many of us do this?